Crossover Blues
by fernazab
Summary: What happens when the heroes of Legend of the Seeker mysteriously land in Camelot? Will they ever get back? Will the two groups be able understand each other? Or will the misconceptions get Camelot destroyed? Seriousness and absurdities abound. NO SLASH. As of July 2013 this story is on hiatus for at least 18 months.
1. Arrival

**First, the obligatory "I own nothing!" Other people own Merlin(BBC/Shine Limited) and Legend of the Seeker(ABC). If we did, would we post this? ... Never mind, I wouldn't put it past us. But we still don't own anything!**

**This isn't a "royal we" this is a joint effort.**

**For full enjoyment watch both seasons of Legend of the Seeker and the first two of Merlin. (want. season. three. so. bad!) You might be able to enjoy it without, but we're not sure. Our minds are tainted with bias.**

**MINOR SPOILER ALERT PLANNED IN FUTURE CHAPTERS!**

**Now we present what we affectionately call our "serious spoof." Enjoy!**

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It 'twas a fair day in Camelot. What could spoil that? Wait, it's only the early morning! We shouldn't ask that. Too late...

Well, in the woods outside Camelot the strangest occurrence occurred. The main characters of the tv show Legend of the Seeker suddenly appeared. Richard, Kahlan, Zedd, and Cara were all snoozing when this occurred. (I guess Richard is fired from night watch duty. He should have let Zedd take his shift. Richard is much too old and tired, you know.)

Before long the group began to stir and awaken.

Kahlan voiced the mutual bewilderment, "Where are we?"

"I don't know," Richard said while fumbling out his trusty compass. He opened the compass and stared into it as though it would project the answers to everything. Instead, the compass lights ran in meaningless circles. "What's going on, Zedd?" He then asked.

Zedd shook his head slightly. "I don't know. But what I do know is that this is the work of very powerful magic."

"Well, then we'd better get moving if we're going to get the Stone to the Pillars of Creation in time for the Solstice," Cara insisted.

"Let's first try to figure out what's going on and where we are," Richard countered.

Kahlan finished the thought. "We want to avoid making things worse, if possible."

"And I bet we'll all think clearer if we've eaten," Zedd said, indicating a nearby white rabbit.

Arthur scurried through the woods with a determination to kill something furry. Today, he had his heart set on a white bunny.

He was trying to come up with inconspicuous ways to make a meal of it with Gwen. Maybe he'd have Merlin take it to the butcher. But how was he, Arthur, going to get it to the edible stage? There was no way he was going to cook it. Gwen was perfectly capable of cooking it. What a sign of affection that would be! _Hey, I killed this for you; now cook it. _Arthur mentally recoiled at the thought. He could always have Merlin do it. His only worry with that was his long list of cores that he needed Merlin to do. He wasn't worried about overwhelming Merlin. But having polished armor was a high priority! He'd ask Merlin for a more viable solution.

Now what could be made out of its fur that he could give to Gwen? It couldn't be too fancy or it would draw attention. He would be forced to give to Morgana for Gwen's sake if it looked too extravagant. Actually, he'd have Merlin burn it rather than give Morgana such a sign of affection. But, he just didn't want it to turn out horribly drab. He'd ask Merlin's advice if he got desperate. However, Arthur was sure Merlin was hopeless at the subject of women. Arthur resisted the urge to shake his head. But he was getting ahead of himself. First, he needed to catch the stupid rabbit.

"Merlin!" Arthur suddenly hissed commandingly, "Run through there and flush it out."

Merlin rushed to obey. He ran through the forest a small way and down a hill. Merlin stopped suddenly. The strangest group of travelers he had ever seen had already killed the rabbit. Merlin groaned. Arthur wasn't going to like this. Merlin noticed a gleam in Arthur's eye that said he wanted that bunny badly. He wondered why. Arthur mentioned catching a trophy before they left. Stuffed bunnies simply weren't the grandest of hunting trophies.

With the rabbit were two women and two men. He only vaguely noticed the men, a young man and an old man. If the young man wasn't holding the rabbit and standing next to the older man he could have completely over looked them. The women were dressed oddly, but certainly not unpleasantly to Merlin. He was having trouble not staring at how scantily clad they were... until the old man drew attention to himself in the dumbest way possible. He set fire to a neat little pile of wood without even batting an eye.

"Don't do that!" Merlin exclaimed in shock. Not only was this use of magic careless, it was done in an over-grandiose manner. Having fire shoot out of his fingertips? Really? Could he think of a more flashy way to start a campfire? Had time taught this man nothing?

"Do what? Light a fire?" one of the women challenged. She had blonde hair and wore very tight leather. It was a wonder she could move.

"Magic," Merlin hissed, "it's illegal." _You dolts,_ he added silently.

The other woman started to move towards him. She had dark hair. And, she wore less clothing than most women he'd met.

"Why-" she began.

"Merlin!" Arthur's voice rang out.

"Yes, sire!" Merlin responded automatically.

Arthur rushed into view. "I thought I told you to flush it out!"

"I was. But it looks like they got it first," Merlin replied.

Arthur gave the bunny a mournful look. There went all his hopes and dreams for the stupid creature.

He then looked at the women. Arthur caught himself trying to imagine what Gwen would look like in their attire. He felt slightly ashamed of himself. What would Gwen think if she knew he was imagining such things?

"Are there any problems with banelings around here?" the younger man asked. He had brown hair that almost reached his shoulders.

"A what?" Arthur inquired incredulously.

Merlin began to back away from the residents of crazy town and toward Arthur.

"Banelings!" The dark-haired girl exclaimed. "The scourge sent back from the Keeper to destroy the land of the living."

Both Merlin and Arthur stared at her. "Keeper? Keeper of what, exactly?" Arthur asked, wondering why he was still talking to them.

"The underworld," the young man replied in a condescending tone, as though the answer was obvious.

Merlin inched toward Arthur. "I think they're crazy," he whispered to his master.

Before Arthur could say anything (which is impressive) the old man briskly asked, "Are there any D'haran soldiers encaped nearby?"

"D'whaten?" Merlin interjected.

All four travelers looked stunned.

Arthur decided to take advantage of their silence. "Merlin! We need to go!'

Merlin had never before been so happy to be snapped at. And so, the two hurried away as fast as possible.

The four travelers stared after the small hunting party. They were too shocked to speak for quite some time.

"How is it possible they don't know anything about banelings?" Richard finally wondered aloud. He sounded almost affronted.

"Or D'haran soldiers for that matter," finished Kahlan.

(Interestingly, neither noted the most obvious hint about their location, or rather what isn't their location.)

"There must be more powerful magic at work than I thought," said Zedd. "Could they be lying?"

"They were telling the truth," Kahlan said simply.

"We need to find a way to undo this," Richard said very seriously.

"But how?" Kahlan asked thoughtfully, looking to Zedd for the answer.

"I'm not sure," Zedd replied unhelpfully.

"There must be a town nearby. Why don't we look there?" Cara piped in.

They all looked her. After all this time she still didn't realize that right now was where you do nothing but be unhelpful. The queue for breaking the reverie would be four lines further.

"What?" Cara demanded in response to their ogling, "Do you have a better idea?"

As it turned out, none of them had a better idea. So Richard put his woods guide skills to good use. (After being fired from night duty what else is he going to do?) After following some random tracks here and trails there they somehow found there way to a grand looking castle.

As they waltzed into the city they were somewhat oblivious to the strange looks they were getting. They were accustomed to receiving strange looks everywhere they went. What they failed to notice was the lack of apprehension, fear, or even relief in the stares. Kahlan and Cara's unorthodox clothing was attracting all the attention. The men stared due to hormones. The women were indignant and silently or quietly accusing them of being whores.

Two women approached Kahlan and Cara. "Excuse me, dearies, are you looking for work?" one asked.

"What's it to you?" Cara said curtly. This earned a reproving glare from Kahlan.

"The two of you are perfect," the first continued. "We have a small place where we can talk business."

"And get you better clothes for the daytime," the other woman chimed in.

"That's very kind of you," Kahlan replied warmly. "Tell us where we can find you and maybe we'll take you up on that."

Cara resisted the urge to laugh as the women gave directions. Kahlan had no idea what kind of "business" these women were in. This would be fun.

After the prostitutes left them, they wandered into the main square. A man had his head on a chopping block in the center of the square. On a balcony stood a man who called himself King Uther. He spoke of his commitment to protect Camelot from the evil of sorcery. He told them the man on the block was condemned for practicing magic. Before the displaced travelers could make a scene the executioner's ax had swung.

"This must be stopped," Kahlan squeaked.

"These people must want to be free of the tyrant," Richard said boldly.

"How do we know if these people even want to be rescued?" Cara challenged.

"Cara," Zedd patronized, "anyone suffering under such oppression wishes to be freed."

"What do we do now?" Richard asked.

"Cara and I were offered a job at a place around here. Maybe we can start there." Kahlan piped up.

"We could find out a little more about the tyrant and the area," Richard finished proudly.

So, the group gallivanted toward the "business." They continued to mention how appalled the were. However, they couldn't quite get past that tangent, especially since Kahlan and Cara began arguing about the particulars of the directions. After lots of bickering, turning one way, and backtracking they found themselves in front of a small house that only somewhat fit the description.

"This must be it," Kahlan announced. "It fits the description."

"No," Cara argued, "this is too small."

"The woman said it was a small place," Kahlan insisted.

"Calm down both of you." Richard jumped between the girls. "Let's go in, and if it's not the right place we'll ask for directions."

And so they admitted themselves into the little house, even after no one answered the door. (Kahlan was that sure she was right.)

It was a one room home.

"Somehow, I still think we've got the wrong place," Cara stated impatiently.

"Can't be," Kahlan pouted. "Maybe-"

The door suddenly opened. A dark-skinned woman with curly hair entered. She stopped and stared, looking quite concerned, at the four intruders.

"Who are you?" The woman demanded, "And why are you here?"

Everyone began to sputter until Kahlan finally managed to have some coherent words fall out of her mouth. "I'm sorry. We were offered a job and our directions must have been bad."

The woman pursed her lips. _That still doesn't make barging into someone's home alright, _she thought. She took a deep breath. "Maybe I could help you find where you need to go," she offered. "And you still haven't told me who you are," she ended firmly.

"This is Cara, Zedd, and Kahlan Amnell, the Mother Confessor," Richard indicated to each of his friends. "And I'm Richard Cypher, the Seeker," Richard finished pompously.

The woman gave them an odd look. She had to think fast. These people were clearly insane. "Tell me about this place. When I get off work I'll see if I can get you where you need to go. " She added quickly, "And I'll send someone to check on you."

Cara took a step forward. "We really don't need your-"

"Cara!" Kahlan interrupted. "Thank you, we appreciate your help. What is your name?"

"Guinevere," she responded quickly as she moved to leave. There was no way she was allowing them the familiarity of calling her 'Gwen'.

"We'll wait here until you return, " Zedd smiled.

_I certainly hope not, _Gwen thought as she fled. She had to get Gaius. If they're mad, he'll know what to do. What was she thinking "_if" _for? They were certainly mad! They acted as those titles were real. They probably thought those "titles" gave them the right to intrude. And the way those women dressed! No sane person dressed like that!

She swung open the door to Gaius' chamber. To her mild surprise Merlin was there with Gaius. Gaius was bent over a man and treating his wounds. Gwen couldn't see the wounded man's face. A tremor of horror coursed through her. Was Arthur hurt?

"Gwen?" Merlin said suddenly. Gaius looked over his shoulder and moved just enough for Gwen to see it wasn't Arthur. "What is it?" Merlin asked sounding concerned.

"Gaius, a bunch of people wandered into my home. I think they're mad." Gwen forced the words out of her mouth.

"Merlin, I can't leave him yet. I want you to run to Gwen's and make sure those people don't go anywhere until I arrive," Gaius whispered

"What do I tell Arthur?" Merlin asked softly.

"I'll tell him where you are. I would think he'd understand." Gaius glanced at Gwen.

Merlin headed down to Gwen's. Just before Gwen arrived he had escorted a young knight, Sir Boris, to Gaius. This knight was all ego and no brain. He attempted to show Arthur that he knew better about fighting with a mace. Arthur had warned him many times that his particular "style" was stupid and dangerous. This had been going on for weeks. Today, the idiot had finally hurt himself. When Arthur told Merlin to fetch Gaius, Sir Boris insisted that he was fine. Arthur lost his patience and had Merlin take Sir Brainless to Gaius. Merlin didn't know how Arthur convinced the knight to come so willingly. All Merlin knew was that what that whatever Arthur whispered to the man was either very flattering... or very threatening. Merlin needed to go with knight so that he could explain the situation to the guards if the knight passed out. Thus, preventing any unnecessary ripples of panic.

Merlin barged into Gwen's home. The sight of the unwelcome guests made him inwardly groan. It was the crazy crew from the forest that morning. His mind automatically began making elaborate plans in case they did anything truly erratic. He wanted to be careful. He didn't know much of what they were capable of, or what they were up to or why. All he knew was that the old man used magic blatantly, and they were willing to tromp into someone's home without a satisfactory reason. That made him very nervous.

"You must be the person what's-her-name sent to..." the old man stopped for a second, "check on us," he finished dramatically.

Merlin felt anger welling in him._ Does this man think he owns the place? _Merlin thought_, He's in someone else's house without realizing why being checked on is necessary!_ "Something like that," he snapped curtly. Gwen was terrified. Merlin wouldn't be surprised if she became very paranoid about intruders. She'd probably start saving for very strong lock on her door.

"I'm the Mother Confessor, Kahlan Amnell. What's your name?" She spoke in a tone that should have been reserved for a child.

"Merlin," he answered shortly, biting back questions that he wasn't sure he wanted answers to. He settled instead for, "Who are your companions?"

She proceeded to give the rest of the names in her slightly frilly manner. She started with Richard who is supposedly "THE Seeker"... whatever that was.

"In the forest you acted as though you had never heard of D'hara," Richard, 'the seeker,' stated as though he had managed to catch Merlin in a lie.

"That's because I haven't heard of D'harblah," Merlin snapped, getting more annoyed.

"Yet, we noticed D'haran soldiers throughout this city," Zedd pressed. Richard and Kahlan looked to Zedd with approval. Cara, however, looked embarrassed to be near her companions.

Merlin felt a cold sense of horror wash through him. Was this another delusion of theirs or were there really a mysterious troop of soldiers hidden throughout Camelot? If it was a delusion, would they become violent? What would that mean for Arthur and Camelot if these 'D'haran soldiers' _were_ camped throughout the city? Would they try to attack Camelot from the inside and outside at the same time? Merlin struggled for words, then Cara yelled:

"Oh, please! If those were D'haran soldiers they weren't wearing their colors!" She spread her hand out expressively.

"Cara, what colors do you think they were wearing?" Zedd asked patronizingly.

"Red and _gold_," Cara snapped. Her voice rose, "Not red and _BLACK!"_

_That settles it, _Merlin thought. _Either they're mad, or they're playing some sick game._

"Why has magic been banned here?" Kahlan purred.

"The king has banned it," Merlin side-stepped the question. He had no intention of telling them why. It was the king's closely guarded secret. Merlin would be executed if he dared breathe a word about it. Besides, this was none of their business!

"But why?" Richard pressed. The gleam of a fanatic flickered in his eyes.

"I don't know," Merlin lied. "Why don't you ask him?" He added facetiously. Kahlan gave him an odd look at these words.

"How can you be so cold toward all that is going on around you?" Zedd demanded.

Merlin was furious. He had been doing all he could to protect the innocent. Some of his actions had been ill advised and impulsive. He wanted to shake that man. Hundreds of of broken and incomplete thoughts flourished through him. He didn't dare use any of them. Merlin struggled for a response. Before he could cool down enough to collect his thoughts, Cara barged up to him.

"I saw a man die today," her voice dripped with malice.

Cold fury washed through him once more. "That _MAN _deserved it. And worse," Merlin spat.

"Who are you to-" Richard began in a disgusted tone.

"He was a cold-blooded murderer," Merlin hissed menacingly.

The other half of Richard's brain started to open her mouth. But she interrupted by the door swinging open.

"Gaius!" Merlin sighed in relief. "I probably should get back to work," Merlin tried to excuse himself.

Gaius stopped Merlin's advance to the door with his hand. "Arthur can spare you a little longer."

"But-" Merlin began as he formulated a reason for Arthur to need him promptly. But, the look on Gaius' face silenced him immediately. Merlin turned back around to face the crazy people once more.

Gaius introduced himself, "I am Gaius, the court physician. Is everyone feeling well?"

"Why wouldn't we be?" Cara responded rudely.

Kahlan placed her hand on Cara's shoulder while stepping forward. "We're fine, thank you," Kahlan corrected sweetly. "Why do you ask?" Merlin was shocked that she would treat even Gaius like a child.

"I've heard strange... rumors," Gaius answered tactfully.

"What rumors?" Richard sounded appalled that any bad rumors could ever be attached to _him, the seeker._

"Well, I've been told that you've made some statements that could be thought of as ...feverish." Gaius partially explained.

All four companions looked stunned.

"Thank you for your concern, but..." Kahlan paused for a moment, "we're fine."

"We must be farther off track than we thought," Zedd explained. "Some of the words we commonly use must be different around here."

"Hm, it's a wonder that we can understand each other," Gaius observed.

Each sputtered for an answer. Merlin could see them each faltering under Gaius' stare whenever they got close to speaking. He could actually understand how they felt in this moment.

Just then, the door swung open again.

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted. At the sight of the travelers he seemed to temporarily forget his urgency.

"Yes, M'Lord," Merlin answered eagerly. He would take just about any excuse to leave at this point.

Arthur's eyes snapped back to Merlin. "Come," he ordered. "He's at it again! He's even dumber than you, Merlin!"

Merlin immediately rushed to follow Arthur into the streets. Arthur led him to a secluded corner.

"Merlin, I need you to drug Sir Doesn't-listen-to-me," Arthur whispered.

"What?" Merlin asked incredulously. "I can't do that to a _knight._"

"Keep your voice down!" Arthur commanded in a low voice. "You can and you will. If you get caught, I'll cover for you." He then added, "Don't get caught!"

"Alright," Merlin yielded, "I'll get something from Gaius."

"Don't you have something?"

"Why would I? I'm not in the habit of drugging people. What do you want me to drug him with anyway?"

"Just figure something out. And I'd rather leave Gaius out of this."

"Great," Merlin muttered. He wondered whether being stuck with the crazy people would actually be better than this.

The Legend of the Seeker crew began searching for the "business" once more. They had finally convinced the old man that they weren't feverish or crazy, only maybe a little disoriented. The old man asked that they be more careful because he didn't want more unnecessary reports. He then looked at the women and said: "And you might want to find some new clothes." After that, he suggested, "We should all stop invading Guinivere's home now that this is resolved."

Cara now led the search because she insisted after Kahlan had led them astray. Also, she needed to lead the expidition because she was still the only one that realized that they were looking for a brothel.

"Feverish," Richard muttered. How could anyone think that _he, the Seeker, _or Kahlan, the Mother Confessor, sounded feverish?

"We should wait until we're alone before we talk about it, Richard," Zedd warned.

So, after a bit they finally found the brothel. Cara smirked. Kahlan's astonishment will be hilarious.

They entered, and the room full of women lounging about. One of the women they had met earlier approached them.

"Oh, you came. Good," she chirped pleasantly. "And I see you've brought some costumers. You can go upstairs and start your work with them if you like. They must pay upfront though."

Kahlan's mouth dropped open. She closed it... and opened it again, but she was at a loss for words.

Richard turned the girls around to look them in the eyes. "You brought us to a _brothel_?" He asked in a low and incredulous voice.

"I'm sorry," Kahlan sputtered while Cara teetered on the brink of laughter.

"It's alright," Richard assured her. "Let's just go."

"Since we're here anyway, I don't see why _some _of us can't take advantage of these facilities," Zedd teased.

"Zedd!" Richard admonished.

"I was kidding, Richard," Zedd corrected. "Let's go."

As they left the brothel, Richard couldn't help but wonder if his grandfather, despite the assurance otherwise, had been completely serious.

Once they were outside Kahlan said, "We should find an inn."

"Congratulations, that's the first sensible directions you've given all day," Cara sneered

"That's enough," Richard interjected before Kahlan could protest. "Kahlan's right. I think I saw one on our way... _here._"

Richard led them to the inn. When they entered, every eye turned to stare at a Kahlan and Cara in silence.

They uncomfortably made their way to the innkeeper and asked for a room. When they paid him he stared at the coins, commented on their strangeness, and bit each.

Right as the man began to walk off, Kahlan piped up, "Do you know where we could buy some new clothes?"

Once they had each bought a dress, Cara grumbled, "If I can't wear my leather, does it have to be a dress?"

"Every woman I've seen here was wearing a dress," Zedd replied wisely.

They stepped back into the streets and towards the inn. As they had hoped, the amount of attention they attracted was considerably less.

Once they were in their room at the inn, Richard observed, "Well, we're not in the Midlands anymore. That king called this place Camelot."

"Do you know why we've been sent here?" Kahlan asked Zedd in a concerned voice.

"We must have been sent here for a reason," Richard interjected.

"Maybe we're supposed to free these people from oppression," Zedd answered thoughtfully.

"What about the Stone of Tears and the veil?" Cara countered. "We shouldn't waste our time."

"I think if we rescue these people we'll be sent back to the Midlands," Zedd explained. "It's possible that when we get back no time will have passed."

"But just in case time is passing in the Midlands, we should move quickly," Richard said.

Cara rolled her eyes. Once they make up their minds, they never listen to her. Why they felt the need to chase after every meaningless venture was still beyond her.

"That blonde boy, he must be royalty because the other boy, Merlin, referred to him as "Sire" and "M'Lord." Zedd said.

"We could start by talking to Merlin. I think he's close to the royal boy. He might know something," Richard suggested.

"He lied," Kahlan said simply.

"What?" Richard asked sounding confused.

"When he said he didn't know why magic was banned, he lied," Kahlan explained.

"Why would he lie about that?" Zedd asked contemplatively.

"I don't know, but he must know something that would help us," Richard concluded proudly.

"Then we should find him and interrogate him," Cara added in a resigned voice. If they were convinced that this harebrained idea would work, then she should be helpful enough to get this over with quickly. "While-" Cara was about to suggest that they familiarize themselves with the area, but Kahlan cut her off.

"We are NOT using the agiel on him!" she exclaimed.

"I wasn't suggesting training," Cara snapped. "I was about to say that we should get a lay of the land while we're at it." Cara hoped that they'd find that they were actually near an area that they knew. Perhaps _that _could coax them into abandoning this insignificant quest in favor of saving the land of the living. She refused to believe that they could have been suddenly dropped into a completely different realm. Yet, being spirited away in their sleep by a group of people only to leave them in the middle of a random forest was about as unbelievable as the other idea. She was having difficulty deciding which idea was more ludicrous. She hoped the latter notion was true.

"Alright, we'll start first thing in the morning," Richard went into take-command-of-the-quest mode.


	2. Please go, go now!

**Author's note: _This chapter was very hard to write. Between life and the nature of what points we had to hit, it wasn't an easy task :)_**

**Again, we don't own anything. We haven't had any meetings with BBC (sadly). Nor could we afford it. As Fern said, this was hard. So now, we are ridiculously proud of ourselves. We're so full of ourselves...**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Enjoy!**_  
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The Legend of the Seeker crew rose early the next morning. The first conversation of the day was (you guessed it) the dresses. Cara griped about how uncomfortable and impractical her's was. Kahlan, however, was more excited about the dresses than anything else.

"Look at this!" she squealed. "What is this interesting contraption?" Kahlan pulled a piece of metal up and down a framework of metal bits. "It pulls together and pulls apart the fabric so easily!"

Richard (because he's the leader of course) made a point of reiterating what _little_ plan they had in a very commanding tone. "Alright everyone, we're going to search for Merlin, get a lay of the land, and find out as much as we can from the other townsfolk while we're at it. Let's go."

They all nodded in agreement. They commenced romping around the town in search of answers. Their behavior would have made one wonder if they were playing this game: harass-the-townsfolk-as-much-as-possible-without-getting-arrested.

Their fearless leader began to try profiling the townspeople. For some reason he thought it would be obvious who would help them in their fight against Uther. Zedd and Kahlan seemed to think the same thing. Cara was desperately searching for some clue that they were still in the Midlands. Heck, she'd settle for D'Hara or the Westlands. As the day wore on it became apparent that her wish was in vain. She needed to pull her mind off such gloomy thoughts. Time for a fresh onslaught against the dresses.

"That's it! Either I'm changing back into my leather, or I'm going naked!" Cara declared.

"Cara, we're trying to keep a low profile," Richard patronized.

"Who cares about a 'low profile'? Let's just go in, and put an end to Uther," Cara hissed.

"Cara," Zedd interjected, trying to calm her. "We don't have enough knowledge about this place."

Cara let out a growl of annoyance. "We have the lay of the land! What more do we need?"

We need more about Uther and his son," Kahlan purred.

"Who knows _what_ they're hiding," Richard finished.

"If we could just get Merlin alone. Maybe we could persuade him to tell us more," Zedd contemplated.

Cara groaned. They had been asking about Merlin all day. She was sick of the stupid boy's name. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to say it. If she saw his name, she'd probably rip it up the paper. When they asked about him they usually got a blank look. Most people didn't know who he was. When they did know him, a bemused look spread over their faces. "The physician's ward" or "Prince Arthur's loyal manservant" they'd say. Then, without fail, this question would follow: "Why do you ask?"

Cara was also tired of asking why magic was illegal. After the question was posed, people would stop being near as friendly—not that Cara minded the lack of cordiality. What she minded was looks of contempt or pity at their 'stupidity'. Their tone was even more annoying. She silently swore that the next person to say, "magic corrupts the soul," would find their head in the nearest chamber pot.

Just then, Cara's silent reverie was broken. The woman whose home they had invaded yesterday walked by, holding a basket.

"Why, hello, Guin..." Zedd paused, searching for the rest of her name.

Gwen stopped and turned abruptly. _No_, she thought, _not them again. _"_Guinevere,_" she corrected, then resumed her errand for Morgana. She had neither the time, nor the desire to talk with the crazy clan. She might consider getting a good, strong lock on her door if they kept this up.

"We're sorry about yesterday," The dark haired girl's voice piped up. _Wasn't she a "mother" of something? No matter. _Gwen kept walking at a brisk pace. The woman continued, "We were just wondering if you knew where we could find Merlin."

Gwen wheeled around in surprise. "Why?"

Cara felt a sudden surge of hope that this woman might actually have some information. Guinevere obviously knew this Merlin. She skipped every other show of befuddlement the other people expressed. Her interest in knowing why was obviously in concern for a friend.

"We need to talk to him," Richard answered. "It's very important."

"Um, well, he's probably working for Prince Arthur right now," Gwen answered elusively. She had no intention of telling them exactly where Merlin was, even if she knew. "I could tell him that you're looking for him next time I see him."

"Thank you," Kahlan smiled.

"If you'll excuse me, I really need to get back to work," Gwen said, trying to be polite. She hurried away before they could sidetrack her again. Sure, Gwen would tell Merlin they wanted to him. However, Gwen was certain he wouldn't want to appease their whim.

For the first time that day, Cara didn't want to see a townsperson walk away. That woman knew Merlin personally! Cara wanted to to press the woman for information. The sooner they found this Merlin, the sooner they could move on. But before Cara could act on her desires, Zedd suggested:

"Let's check if a visit to Merlin's work would be allowed."

Cara sighed, "Let's just find the physician."

"No!" Zedd, Richard, and Kahlan protested in unison. Their pride was still smarting from the suggestion that they might be feverish.

"There is no way we'd be allowed near Merlin while he's serving the prince." Part of Cara wondered why she was astounded at their stupidity. "We're best off trying to catch him at his home."

Merlin stood watching Arthur and his knights train. Occasionally, Merlin saw Sir Boris' servant give him a dirty look. The day before, Sir Boris paid for his persistent idiocy. Then, he still hadn't his lesson. He wanted to further prove his lack of brain! Arthur decided the only reasonable thing to do was to drug Sir Stupid. Arthur also, of course, insisted that Merlin be the one to do it. When Merlin asked why Arthur didn't just knock the knight out, Arthur scoffed. He explained that he didn't want to unnecessarily anger Sir Boris, and that knocking him out would defeat the purpose of drugging him.

So, when Sir Boris' servant was bringing his master a drink Merlin crossed the servant's path. He inconspicuously hovered near the other servant just long enough to convince Arthur the deed was done. Rather than risking a slight of hand, Merlin then slipped to a vantage point where he could magically force Sir Stupid to take a nap.

Sir Boris was furious when he woke. Everyone told him that he had overexerted himself. But no amount of reassurances could stop him from yelping that he had been drugged. Unfortunately for the servant, he was blamed profusely.

After training, Arthur and Merlin returned to Arthur's chambers. Arthur carelessly dropped his armor all over the floor whilst telling Merlin his troubles. He started by verbally abusing Sir Boris.

"How did he become a knight anyway?" Merlin asked, remembering that the final test to knighthood was surviving a fight with Arthur.

"He used a sword in the test. He's good with _that_. Well, at least he didn't touch a mace today," Arthur congratulated himself. He paused and turned to face Merlin. "What were those people from the woods doing at Gwen's?"

"That's a good question." Merlin heaved the discarded armor onto the table.

"Answer me," Arthur ordered.

"I don't know, but Gwen was terrified." Merlin sat and began cleaning the armor.

"Were they invading her home? Why didn't you just call in the guards?" Arthur asked somewhat indignantly.

"Gwen went to Gaius because they seem to have a mental disease," Merlin explained without looking or pausing in his work.

"Perhaps it's good I didn't catch that rabbit," Arthur muttered.

"What?" Merlin's head snapped up.

"I wanted to give it to Guinevere," Arthur explained

"You wanted to give Gwen a stuffed rabbit?" Merlin asked incredulously. He felt sure that he had misunderstood.

"No, you idiot!"

"Well, you said something about hunting trophies when we went," Merlin defended.

"My stables need mucking out," Arthur stated authoritatively.

Merlin opened his mouth to jibe Arthur.

"Go," Arthur cut Merlin off and pointed to the door.

"Alright," Merlin lifted his arms in a mocking yield. He then obediently strode out of the room.

Merlin figured that most of Arthur's bad mood was due to Sir Boris. But then, Sir Boris had been less annoying than usual today. Maybe it was a build up of dealing with and being forced to drug Sir Boris. Perhaps his irritation had nothing to do with Sir Boris. His missed opportunity to give Gwen a dead rabbit? Why Arthur would want to give that type of gift was beyond Merlin. It wasn't exactly Arthur's style, unless she was starving. And Gwen wasn't starving. And if she was, Arthur wouldn't waste time hunting. Instead, he'd spend all his spare time sending Merlin to steal from the kitchens.

As Merlin neared the citadel entrance, he heard raised voices. Was somebody arguing with the guards? And some of those voices sounded eerily familiar.

"But we really need to speak with him," a distinctly female voice chimed. "Why can't you send a messenger?" Where had he heard that voice before? It was so... childish.

"We're going to have to ask you to leave," a guard replied firmly.

"Can we at least wait here?" It was a male's voice this time. He sounded proud and condescending.

Merlin rounded the last corner as a guard gave another "no."

"There he is," an old man pointed—the old man from the forest.

_No_, Merlin thought, _not them. Not again. _Merlin immediately turned around. Arthur's horses could wait!

Before Merlin could take two steps, one of the guards seized his arm. "They need to see you," the guard taunted.

Merlin pulled away and tried protesting, "But Arthur-"

"They _need _you," the other guard emphasized with a hint of pleading. He grabbed Merlin's other arm. The two guards dragged Merlin out the door. They were beyond caring what the prince preferred. They were about to arrest the hooligans anyway. But why not opt for something simpler? Throwing Merlin to the wolves was quick, easy, and painless. And the only neck risked, if any, was Merlin's.

Merlin gave a dismayed look as he was being thrown to the four smiling faces. Since the guards obviously weren't going to let him back anytime soon, Merlin changed tactics. He muttered an "excuse me" and walked briskly toward the stables.

"Wait, we need to talk to you," Richard called. Merlin could have sworn he heard the guards snickering.

"I'm busy," Merlin called back without the slightest break in stride.

"We only need a moment," the man pressed.

"I don't have a moment to spare."

"That's a lie," one of the women condemned.

Merlin ignored her and strode straight into the stables. He grabbed a pitchfork and began shoveling with very deliberate movements.

Undeterred, the foursome crowded in. In retaliation, Merlin began trying to turn the stables into a stinking hole of death, whilst still getting his work done. He stabbed the clumps, breaking them up. Then, he gave each scoop a few unnecessary shakes before disposal. Hopefully, the smell would become so offensive that they would leave... or pass out. _Why couldn't I have forgotten to muck out the stables yesterday? _Merlin thought.

Each of the Legend of the Seeker heroes saw Merlin's behavior differently.

Kahlan stared at the way Merlin sifted every scoop of manure. _Does he realize how much worse the smell gets each time he does that? _Kahlan thought, _Maybe he doesn't have a sense of smell. Or, maybe the sifting is somehow more efficient. I don't see how though. But then, I've never done this before._

Cara thought the excessive breaking up and shaking of the crap looked inefficient. Logically, doing all that _had_ to make the job more difficult. Why did he do it? He looked so deliberate and unfriendly. Was he just trying to demonstrate his determination to work with exaggerated movements? No, it didn't look quite like that. And the smell...

Richard wondered whether Merlin was an inept idiot. He couldn't imagine why anyone would do all that extra stabbing and sifting. _Doesn't he realize how much harder and smellier he's making this job? What, is he a masochist?_

Zedd was the only one that fully realized what Merlin was doing. Zedd's brother, Thaddicus, used to stink up the stables to avoid listening or talking to Zedd during chores. What Zedd couldn't understand was what made Merlin upset enough to act like that bitter old man.

Kahlan spoke up, "We need to ask you about something you said yesterday."

Merlin grunted noncommittally. What could he have possibly said to provoke them into bothering him?

When Merlin didn't make any comment, Kahlan continued, "You lied about not knowing why magic was banned."

Merlin stopped to give her an impassive look. He then worked more vigorously at stinking up the stables.

"Why?" she pressed.

"I didn't lie. I don't know why magic is banned," Merlin replied. He was sure this had to be another one of their delusions.

"Don't bother lying to me." Kahlan's voice became hard. "I'm a confessor."

"Is that some sort of training to force people to admit to crimes? It doesn't change the fact that I don't know why magic is banned," Merlin insisted coolly. There was know way they could know he was lying. If they did know, they would also have to know the king's secret. That, and a list of other bits of knowledge. If they knew all that, they wouldn't be asking him why because it'd be obvious.

Kahlan gaped in shock. Nobody had ever questioned her ability like that. Before Kahlan could reply, Cara opted for a tactics change.

Cara wipped out her agiel. Her companions gasped. Merlin turned immediately. He took an involuntary step away from her. A cruel smile tugged at Cara's lips. _He's nervous,_ she thought. _Good._

"Why is it humming?" Merlin demanded, squaring his shoulders.

Cara would never have expected that reaction. But it didn't matter. He wasn't going to give the answer willingly. His tongue would be loosed soon enough. "You'll find out if you don't tell the truth." She shoved the agiel within a few inches of Merlin.

Merlin scooted away from the strange stick. He had no idea what it was. He was just sure he didn't want it touching him. Merlin lifted his pitchfork defensively. He would try getting out without magic if possible. But, if forced, he'd happily use stronger means, maybe even collapse the stable.

"Cara!" Richard exclaimed, grabbing her arm. Now that he was sure she wasn't bluffing, he had to reign her in. "There is no call for that."

"Maybe he's too scared to tell us anything," Kahlan supplied diplomatically.

Merlin felt off balance. His knuckles turned white as he clutched the pitchfork tighter. Something was wrong. He was missing something about the situation.

"This King Uther does seem to be a dangerous man," Zedd pointed out.

Merlin remained silent. What was going on? The thought that there was more going on than met the eye nudged his mind. No, they were crazy. That had to be the only explanation. He struggled to figure out how to make them leave. He couldn't admit that Uther did indeed scare him. That would only throw fuel into the fire. Maybe he'd use magic to distract them.

"Perhaps you could meet us later. Somewhere more private," Richard offered.

"So you don't have to worry about being overheard," Kahlan finished.

Merlin's heart leaped. Maybe if they thought he would meet them later they'd leave. He didn't have to show up. Maybe they'd ignore him after he stood them up.

Richard proceeded to suggest a secluded part of town. Merlin merely suggested "a better meeting place where the guards won't stumble in." It was outside the city walls and in a place where most people got lost. In fact, it normally took at least a few days for someone to find their way back.

The Legend of the Seeker crew left almost immediately. Merlin looked mournfully at his pitchfork. He had stunk up the stables for nothing. He then smiled. He hadn't even agreed to meet them. Merlin began to vigorously work properly. A moment later, Arthur arrived.

"Get my horse ready," Arthur commanded. He wrinkled his nose. "It smells worse than usual in here. What were you doing?"

"Nothing," Merlin said quickly. He gave his pitchfork a guilty look as he put it aside.

"_That,_" Arthur stated, "is obvious."

The Legend of the Seeker characters left the stables triumphantly. They weren't too far from the stables when they saw the prince strut into the stink hole. Ah, their timing was impeccable, as usual.

They resumed gallivanting about the city. Now, they only occasionally stopped to ask questions. Their main concern was was perfecting their knowledge of the city enough to preform an effective coup.

As the sun sank, the group left the city in search of the meeting place. Merlin was final piece of the plan. Could this go any smoother for them?

After Arthur had ridden off on patrol duty, Merlin headed inside. He was particularly elated about his victory. Now, it was time to wash Arthur's clothes. As he went to gather the accumulated laundry, Merlin saw Gwen, who was apparently working on the same chore for Morgana. He was about to pass her when-

"Merlin," Gwen said

"Yes?" Merlin stopped.

"Those people that were in my house yesterday... I ran into them." She took a deep breath. "They're looking for you."

Merlin grimaced. How many people had they bothered to find him? He found himself hoping he wouldn't end up in the stocks anytime soon. Worse things than potatoes could be thrown. "Yeah, they caught up with me. With any luck, they're lost in the forest."

Gwen's brow furrowed. "Why would I want that? They could get hurt."

Merlin suppressed the desire to smirk. "I think they'll be fine."

Gwen raised her eyebrows in surprise. Merlin shrugged and hurried off.

Before reaching his destination, he saw Morgana. They gave each other icy stares. Merlin made note of anything she could be doing. Just in case.

Midnight. Merlin still hadn't shown. The Legend of the Seeker crew had been waiting on edge for hours. The slightest sound made them jump with hope and fear, hope that Merlin was coming, and fear that they're position might be compromised.

"Do you think..." Kahlan shivered, "he got caught sneaking out?"

"We'll wait a little longer," Richard announced. He didn't want to consider the possibility that the key to their plans was arrested trying to help. It made him feel guilty for even suggesting that they meet. He, Richard, had asked this man to risk his life. It wasn't the first time, nor would it be the last time, that such a risk was necessary. Yet, that didn't make Richard feel any better. "Maybe he's having trouble getting out of the castle," Richard said, more trying to convince himself. Merlin _had _to make it.

After another hour, Zedd gently placed his hand on Richard's shoulder. "He isn't coming, Richard."

Richard nodded, "I'll take first watch."

The next morning, Richard used his woods guide skills to lead the group back to Camelot. By mid-morning they had resumed bounding about the city. They decided against asking anymore about Merlin. There was no need to raise suspicion. If the poor man was getting executed, they would hear about it and formulate a rescue plan. If not, if he was only imprisoned, they would rescue him during the great coup.

The questions of today searched for any additional information that would help in their plans. Since Merlin was out of the equation, they had to create plan B. Also, they would have to hope that not having Merlin wouldn't exempt them from any pertinent information. Surely, with enough knowledge from the townspeople they would still be successful.

Of course, they were _very_ discreet in their questionings. Again, they didn't want to raise suspicion. They found the most casual ways possible to ask about guard shifts and points of vulnerability. Sadly, they couldn't gather any information. Everyone seemed suddenly busy at the sight of the group. Whenever the group tried to talk with someone, he or she would have an excuse. The group became forced to corner people. To Kahlan's disgust, some even lied their way out. She remained silent, but each lie made her increasingly indignant.

The only people they had managed to talk with were drunk. But, the drunkards had nothing useful to say. All of the topics were uncomfortable. They listened to grown men cry about their dogs and horses that died... several years ago. They would desperately try to change the subject. They would ask about a guard. One man answered, "My poor dog Fifi bit him once... Do you know what that horrible guard did? He kicked him!" The drunk sniffed, "Fifi never moved again." He started to wail, "There was no call for that! Fifi was a good dog! He just had trouble not biting people."

Others would talk about their wives in great detail, in ways that no man in his right mind would. This was infinitely more uncomfortable. If they tried asking about a location, they'd learn about a wild night with the drunk's wife... or with a prostitute... or a night they fantasized about.

As they were talking to the thirteenth drunk of the day, they saw a glorious sight. Guinevere began pumping water across the street. The group hastily thanked the man for his "help" and hustled to Guinevere.

"Hello, Guinevere," Kahlan said cheerily.

Gwen stiffened. Would she ever be rid of them? The part of her swelled that wished they would get lost in the woods like Merlin said. The worst part was that she couldn't flee until she was finished pumping. Then, she wouldn't be able to move quickly. She began pumping more forcefully. Water sprayed everywhere as a result.

"We're sorry to continue bothering you, but-" Kahlan began.

"There you are," the drunk they just left stumbled into their midst. "I wasn't finished telling you about..." He began to expound on a graphic topic.

Gwen and the Legend of the Seeker group cringed. All four misplaced travelers gave Guinevere an apologetic look.

The drunkard continued to give explicit remarks about his personal life. Gwen's pumping became sporadic. She would constantly freeze in horror and then realize that she needed to pump faster.

The drunk finally noticed Gwen and said, "Oh, you have such lovely hair," he slurred. "I wish my wife had curly buttocks like you."

Gwen unconsciously stopped pumping to look down. She then gaped at the drunk.

"But that doesn't matter anymore," he sniffed. "She doesn't like me anymore."

"I wonder why," Cara said sarcastically.

"Cara!" Kahlan admonished.

"I know." The drunk hiccuped. "Nobody knows."

"That's nice. We'll talk later," Richard forced himself to lie. He continued talking to Gwen, "As we were saying, Guinevere-"

"Before she stopped liking me, I met another woman in the lower town. They were so alike except for..." The man commenced on another barrage of unwanted information. He graphically compared and contrasted his wife to a prostitute... more than one... and a few other women. The entire group was grateful whenever the drunk slurred enough to be incomprehensible.

Gwen finally finished filling her bucket. She tried to sneak past the party without being noticed. Then, she retreated as quickly as possible without spilling the water.

"Wait," the old man called after her. Gwen's heart sank as the crazy people caught up to her almost immediately. The drunk staggered closely behind.

"We really do need to speak with you," Kahlan said earnestly. "You work in the royal household, right?"

The drunk somehow managed to catch up and keep up with their pace. He placed his hand Richard's arm. "Now, shweety. I can show you a wonderful time, full of..." The drunk listed even more graphic details from past experiences that he was apparently willing to give Richard.

Richard raised his voice above the drunk's offers, "Since you work in the royal household, you know Prince Arthur?"

"Why would you want him when you could have me, darling?" The drunk demanded.

"We want to know how long all this has been going on," Zedd interjected. They needed to inconspicuously keep on the topic of the planned siege. Since the captain of the guards was now a touchy subject for the drunk, Zedd thought it best to talk about that later.

Gwen wheeled around. She tried to hide her terror by stating, "I have no idea what you're talking about." Did they know about her and Arthur? How could they know? What if they told someone else, and it got around to the king? "I must go now," She added firmly. Gwen sprinted away, not caring that water sloshed out of the bucket.

"Well, that was helpful," Cara snapped sarcastically.

"Why-" Richard began.

"The citadel looks so shiny right now. Shweetheart, I know a place where we can have a better view!" The drunk slurred loudly, trying to purr. "I love you more than I love that place."

Richard had enough! He began to lead the group at a brisk pace through the market. He desperately hoped to shake off the stupid drunk. However, the crowds kept parting at the sight of the Legend of the Seeker heroes. Before they had managed to get far enough away from the drunk, they saw something that made them halt in shock. It was Merlin. He didn't look hurt or scared. In fact, he looked positively thrilled.

Fury washed through Richard. After they had spent an evening worrying about the man, he was fine. They strode toward Merlin.

"Merlin," Richard said sourly. Merlin's smile slipped off his face. "Why didn't you meet us last night?"

"We were very worried about you," Kahlan said softly.

"I never said I would meet you." Merlin pursed his lips.

Before anyone could respond, the drunk caught up with them. "Hey, beautiful, don't move so fast." The drunk grabbed Richard's arm. Richard gently tried to remove the drunk's hand.

Merlin suppressed a snort. The four nuisances had attracted their own unwanted attention. The justice of it all. Not only that, they had attracted a famously annoying drunk. He was known for hitting on anything with two legs... even Gaius once.

"We would like to talk to you," Kahlan said kindly.

"I'm not interested," Merlin replied firmly.

"If you change your mind," Richard said, trying to ignore the drunk's advances, "you know where to find us. It would be-"

"Come on," the drunk begged, "I could show you a good time." He proceeded to be very graphic again.

Merlin was struck with a terribly wonderful idea. "Why don't you stop telling _her _about it? Just _show_ her!"

The drunk's eyes lit up. He then launched himself at Richard.

"NO!" Richard yelped.

Merlin ran for his life. He didn't stop running until he reached the citadel. Once he got there, he hurried around doing various chores. During this, he ran into Gwen. She looked frustrated.

"Long day?" Merlin asked.

"The crazy people didn't get lost. They cornered me at the well," her voice trembled. "I think they know about me and Arthur."

Merlin nodded. "How did Arthur react?"

"I'm not sure if I should tell him. They haven't done anything. What if they only suspect? Arthur confronting them would only confirm it."

"I see," Merlin said somberly.

Later that evening, Merlin slipped out to confront the crazy people. All of this had to stop. If they tried to blackmail Gwen or Arthur, Merlin would make them pay dearly for it.

As he neared the meeting place, he heard them talking.

"Richard, I don't think that was a deer."

* * *

**No, we didn't think you'd assume that the first topic of the day was the dresses. We're just psycho. Kudos if you did realize that the topic would be dresses before we said it. Also, credit to Fern for saving and tying together this chapter with the drunkard idea.**

**Reviews please... :)  
**


	3. How Enchanting pt 1

**Finally, chapter 3. Between life's interruptions and this chapter going longer than we expected... So, it's now cut into parts. We just need to get the other chapter(s) typed into the computer, so they should be coming shortly.**

**Very**** mild spoiler warning for s3 ep4 (Gwaine). No, you don't get to see Gwaine. Sorry.**

**Important note: You will notice two places where there are *'s. This is because we had controversy on this topic with a few people we know. *= We're warning you of the controversial topic's appearance. **= we're hinting at our rational._ Don't worry too much about it. It's not politically controversial. It's just logically controversial, (we are not sure why LotS landing in Camelot isn't though). _Anyway, if you're confused when you read that and/or upset our "obvious stupidity" please feel free to tell us in a review.**

**Actually, please review it anyway... Reviews are the best!_ I swear we're not needy for attention or anything..._  
**

* * *

"I am NOT eating that," the blonde girl's voice rang out.

_They must have killed a horse, _Merlin thought. _Its rider will be furious. _Merlin pushed through the underbrush surrounding the meeting place. Merlin's jaw dropped. He stood rooted in place, shaking with fury and horror. That definitely wasn't a a deer or a horse.

"You _idiots_!" Merlin burst. The group was gathered around a dead unicorn.

"Merlin," Kahlan breathed.

"If this affects Camelot I will kill all of you!" Merlin spat.

_Wait,_ Cara thought, _did that little pipsqueak just threaten to kill us? What makes him delusional enough to think he can? _Cara's vision suddenly blurred. She leaned against a tree.

Kahlan stood. "Merlin, it's alright," she said soothingly.

"No, it's not! Don't you know what you've just done? I've seen at least one of you use magic." Merlin's voice rose. "Clearly, you should realize what you've done!"

Kahlan took a step forward. "Merlin, calm down. What-"

"A unicorn! You _killed_ a unicorn! Why? Do you _want _to die?" Merlin indicated the carcass.

"Merlin!" Kahlan's face became dangerous. She strode toward him with her hand outstretched threateningly before her. She slowed almost to a stop a few paces away.

Merlin knocked her hand away. "What are you going to do? Strangle me?" Merlin's voice turned icy, "Maybe you should move faster. Surprise me. Perhaps even use one of the men for that."

Kahlan faltered. He had no idea what she had been about to do! She pitied him. How could she carry out her threat now?

"Where's Cara?" Richard asked suddenly.

Everyone looked around. Cara was no where to be seen. Richard crouched beside a tree. He lifted a dress into view—the dress Cara was wearing. Richard, in turn, exchanged shocked and worried looks with Zedd and Kahlan.

Richard finally spoke, "Did she change back into leather... just now?"

"No, I have it," Kahlan replied wide-eyed.

"Poor Cara," Zedd said sympathetically, "she's lost, cold, and alone."

"Well, she wanted to be cold," Richard said.

Merlin's eyes widened. This woman was running through the woods naked! He wondered how he missed that. She had been right in front of him!

Richard recovered first. He positioned himself between Merlin and the 'unicorn.' Richard beckoned Kahlan with a slight inclination of the head. Richard hoped to hide the unicorn from Merlin's sight. Hopefully, Merlin would act a bit more rationally without the animal directly in view. Richard wondered if this animal was worshiped around here. Why else would a man fume at the sight of a dead horse? Sure, it was a strange and beautiful creature, but it was still a horse.

"I'm sorry about the unicorn," Richard said haughtily.

Merlin clenched his fists tighter and closed his eyes. "Sorry?" Merlin hissed, "You'd better hope I'm not the one you need to say sorry to."

Richard was at a loss for words. Merlin made no sense. Richard thought about asking for a clarification, but he didn't want to anger Merlin further.

"Well, thank you for coming to see us," Kahlan said kindly, seeming to think her words would automatically repair the damage.

Merlin scoffed. "I only came to tell you to leave Gwen alone."

"Guinevere?" Zedd asked, taking a step forward.

"Yes, she's terrified."

"Do you-" Zedd paused, "love her?"

"Not like that." Merlin then added, "But I know who does. He would have your heads for harassing her."

"Let us meet him, then," Richard suggested. "We will explain the situation to him."

Merlin smirked and shook his head. He tried to imagine those people explaining to Arthur that harassing Gwen was perfectly fine.

"Let's put this difference between us away. Go ahead, and let us meet him," Richard insisted.

"No," Merlin replied firmly.

"This is a serious matter," Zedd countered, "I'm sure he'd understand."

"I really doubt that." Merlin was almost amused.

"Merlin," Richard said, changing tactics, "You're here. I think some part of you wants to help."

Merlin suppressed a groan. Could this man be more dense?

When Merlin didn't speak, Kahlan took it as her cue. "You must know that Uther and his son, Arthur, need to be stopped."

Merlin stiffened, Kahlan had made a grave mistake. "Arthur is a good man," he said firmly.

Kahlan's jaw dropped slightly. "How can you believe that?" She sounded appalled. "I've heard the way he speaks to you."

"He has his faults," Merlin answered defensively, "but he'll be a great king."

"How can you possibly know that?" Richard chastised.

Merlin paused. He didn't want to reveal too much. "I've already told you why," he answered.

"That's a lie!" Kahlan snapped, "Why is this so important to you but not the lives of innocent people?"

"My concern for the innocent and Arthur are the same," Merlin replied coolly.

"Merlin, that isn't reasonable. You can't protect the innocent and Arthur," Richard reasoned.

"What makes you so concerned about Camelot anyway?" Merlin queried. "You've only been here a few days."

"We came here by accident, but we've found a way home," Zedd provided.

Merlin's eyes narrowed. "What does Camelot have to do with you getting home?"

"Only extremely powerful magic could have transported us outside our known world in one night," Zedd explained. Merlin found himself hoping that and racking his brain for proof that he had _nothing_ to do with this.

"We must have been sent here for a reason," Kahlan added as if trying to clue Merlin into figuring out the rest.

"To kill Uther and Arthur? I won't let that happen," Merlin responded dangerously.

Kahlan's eyes flamed with cold rage. "You can help willingly, or," she raised her open hand, "I''ll _force _you—Even though I don't want to."

"We can't let you warn Arthur," Richard finished.

"You _know _what's right." Kahlan begged, "Don't make me force you."

"I do know what's right, and you can't force me to do otherwise," Merlin answered resolutely.

Kahlan lunged. She grabbed Merlin's throat. She stared intently, then in horror. Kahlan released Merlin and stared at her hand.

Merlin's mind raced for a solution to the situation. A wrenching pain stabbed his leg. Reflexively, he threw his leg at whatever hit him. The next thing he saw was a fuzzy yellow ball flying through the trees and squealing, "Eeeeeeeeee!"

Richard drew his sword and Kahlan two knives. Zedd held his hands ready.

Merlin's eyes flashed gold. A tree toppled toward the crazy people. Merlin ran. It was a long time before he realized that he hadn't gone in quite the right direction. He easily corrected the mistake. He and Arthur went hunting there often enough for Merlin to be familiar with the area.

Richard, Kahlan, and Zedd turned to a horrible rumbling noise. Zedd used his powers to prevent the falling tree from hitting them. They had very little time to be relieved, as they noticed that Merlin was making a run for it. The three of them immediately pursued Merlin. However, Merlin quickly proved to be too fast for them.

"We've lost him," Kahlan remarked, gasping for breath.

"Merlin is certainly going to tell his master everything," Zedd noted. He tried using magic in the chase. But, for some reason, he felt lightheaded. He was having trouble gathering his thoughts.

"We have to find Cara. Then we will save Camelot from those tyrants!" Richard exclaimed.

"There must be something wrong with Cara. What if we can't undo it?" Kahlan's voice wavered.

"We'll find a way to help her," Richard assured Kahlan.

"Let's make camp," Zedd suggested. He was panting and feeling ill. The sooner they rested the better.

Once they had gotten back to the 'meeting place,' Zedd wasted no time in excusing himself.

"Why couldn't I confess him?" Kahlan despaired.

"I don't know," Richard replied calmly.

"What if we fail because I wasn't able to stop him?" Kahlan mourned.

"We won't fail," Richard promised.

"Richard, this means we can be together." Kahlan grabbed Richard's shoulders and turned her face up to him.

As they began to kiss passionately, Kahlan felt her powers return.

"NO!" Kahlan shouted, pulling herself away from Richard.

"What?" Richard asked, startled.

"My powers," Kahlan's voice cracked, "I felt them come back."

Before Richard could reply, they heard a deep booming voice.

"Richard! Kahlan!" Zedd came hurtling into view. "I'm young again! Isn't it wonderful?" He looked ecstatic.

Richard's jaw dropped. "I—I thought you said you didn't want to be young again," Richard sputtered.

Zedd shook his head, "I don't know what I was thinking when I said that! I love being young!"

The two lovers felt flabbergasted. Kahlan took a step forward.

"Zedd, are you sure you're okay?"

Zedd laughed boisterously, "I've never felt better! Now, I can help you both more efficiently."

Kahlan looked at Richard in dismay. "You're not feeling sick or anything?" She checked.

Richard shook his head, "No, but I'll tell you t the first sign of illness."

Kahlan took a deep breath. She looked over at the dead equestrian. "Richard? The horse? Remember how angry Merlin got over it? What if-"

"No," Richard pressed firmly, "he probably just worships it."

The words, '_You'd better hope I'm not the one you need to say sorry to,'_ rang in Kahlan's ears. Those words made her think the unicorn and these events were somehow connected. "But Richard-" Kahlan said desperately.

"Kahlan," Richard gently caught her arms, "Just because some dimwit is over-adoring of the beast, doesn't mean our troubles were caused by it. I can't believe accidentally killing that horse could bring such misfortune."

"Then you are a fool," A voice came from behind them.

Richard and Kahlan wheeled around. The voice belonged to an old man. He wore a shabby cloak and carried a staff with branches sticking out of the top of it.

"Who are you?" Richard demanded, nonplussed.

"I am Anhora, Keeper of the Unicorns."

_Meanwhile, during the chase..._

*Cara slowly stood. She would make Merlin pay for kicking her! She found her agiel under a leaf beside her. She began to crawl toward camp. By the time Cara's tiny legs finally carried her there, her companions were chasing after Merlin. She had no chance of keeping up. Cara gave a disgusted look to her now rodent-like body. How could this have happened? Was Merlin a wizard? No, that didn't make sense. She would have seen him move to cast a spell. He couldn't possibly take her unawares with her looking directly at him. Besides, her mind might not have been completely clear, but she was certain she heard Merlin defending Arthur. Merlin was clearly prejudiced against magic, like they had first believed.

Cara crawled into a bag. She might as well get comfortable while she waited, and make sure they noticed her when they got back. Cara curled against her leather. _So, this is where they put it, _she thought. _So... tired... _Cara closed her eyes.

The next morning, Richard, Kahlan, and Zedd resumed searching for Cara in the woods. Whenever Kahlan tried to bring up Anhora, Richard quickly reminded her of the improbability of the notion.

At first, Zedd rejected searching for Cara. Then, he muttered, "Wait, we're looking for a naked woman. That's not so bad or hard to find."

Before long, the group decided to risk returning to Camelot. Cara could have been arrested for indecent exposure...

Richard, Kahlan, and Zedd snuck about Camelot. Richard and Kahlan hoped to hear something about Cara. Zedd, however, was unruly and eager to see Cara's physique. Zedd's behavior was so irrational that they couldn't leave him alone. But every time Zedd started being boisterous everyone stopped and stared silently. Richard and Kahlan's hearts nearly stopped when Zedd caught the attention of a guard. The guard only rolled his eyes.

"I don't think Merlin has told Arthur about last night," Kahlan said in a hushed tone.

"Merlin hasn't told Arthur _yet_ ," Richard hissed cautiously.

"I don't know," Kahlan mused, "maybe we got to him last night."

"I'm looking for a beautiful woman!" Zedd shouted embarrassingly loud.

"In any case, I think we need to occupy Zedd with something—anything!" Kahlan said urgently.

"How about we separate?" Richard responded. "I'll take Zedd."

After they had been separated for a several minutes, Kahlan shifted the pack on her shoulders. The pack wiggled, seemingly of its own accord. Kahlan let out a small shriek. Her hands trembled as she opened her pack. She gasped. A big yellow rodent with a small red stick in its mouth scurried frantically in the bag. Kahlan reached in to grab it. "Ow!" She cried. The rodent had tapped her with the stick. Kahlan gasped. Her mind reeled with an impossible idea. "Cara?" Kahlan breathed in wonder.

Richard decided that if Merlin hadn't already spoken to Arthur, there might be a window of opportunity. They could ask a guard at the citadel about Cara. Because the prison was inside the citadel, a guard stationed there would be the most likely to know if Cara was arrested. This was dangerously risky. The citadel was at the heart of the city and where the bulk of guards would probably be. Merlin could tell Arthur about last night at any moment. If Richard and his companions got exposed while at the city's heart, escape could be anywhere from extremely difficult to even impossible.

Once Richard and Zedd reached the citadel, Richard approached a guard that stood by the gate.

"Excuse me," Richard began, "a friend of ours went missing. We want to make sure she didn't get into any trouble."

"We are looking for a naked woman!" Zedd added loudly.

The guard raised his eyebrows.

"No," Richard sputtered, "he doesn't mean _that_."

"Of course I mean it! We both know she's naked," Zedd responded indignantly.

"Well, yes, but no," Richard said, trying to salvage the situation.

"Yes, yes, yes! Now, let us through," Zedd demanded.

"No," the guard replied firmly.

"We must find a naked woman!" Zedd announced. "You will let us through!"

The guard motioned to a few other guards. As they moved to arrest Zedd, Richard exclaimed desperately, "It's alright. He's senile!"

The guards stared at Richard. "Senile?" One guard repeated.

Zedd glared at Richard and shouted, "I am NOT senile!" He turned to the guards menacingly, "Now let me through!"

"You are under arrest." The guards reached to restraint the young-looking old man.

"No!" Richard roared.

He drew the Sword of Truth, drawing the attention of more soldiers. Richard parried three guards at once. But then, one guard managed to cut Richard's arm. He knocked the guard away, but then stared in shock at his arm for a moment before returning his mind to the fight. Richard never got wounded! Why wasn't Richard able to tap into the sword power?

Zedd threw a burst of wizard's fire. Someone screamed, "Sound the warning bell!"

Richard grabbed Zedd's arm. "Let's grab Kahlan and go!" Richard yelled over the bell's clamor.

"But Cara-" Zedd protested.

"I don't think she's here," Richard lied. If Cara was here, there was nothing either of them could do to save her at this point.

_Earlier that day..._

Merlin entered Arthur's room, pulled the curtains open, and cheerily announced, "Rise ad shine! Breakfast!" After Arthur had eaten and dressed, Merlin still didn't know how to warn Arthur of Camelot's newcomers. If Merlin said too much or not quite enough, Arthur would ask awkward questions.

"Arthur, I think-" Merlin began but got interrupted by the racket of the warning bell.

Arthur grabbed his sword and raced out the door. Merlin followed closely behind. They got outside just in time to see a young man fry some knights and round a corner. This man was accompanied by the crazy group's leader, Richard. The appearance of the crazy people's new ally worried Merlin. How many more friends had they gained in their cause? What if they gained even more? If they weren't caught right now, Merlin would have to find a way to know their next move.

**Kahlan couldn't believe she found Cara... in this state. Kahlan had asked Cara what happened. Cara only replied with impatient and irate squeaks. Kahlan couldn't understand how Cara could become a rodent. Powerful magic doubtlessly, but someone would have to either catch Cara completely unprepared or restrained. Both were bordering on impossible to achieve. And Kahlan was fairly certain neither were going on at the time between last seeing Cara and noticing Cara was missing. Maybe Zedd would have an alternate explanation... Regardless, Kahlan was still somewhat relieved. Cara had _not _run naked through the woods or Camelot.

Kahlan told Cara to stay put. Kahlan hastily re-shouldered her pack and retraced her steps to where the group had split up. When she got there, she started down the direction she last saw them go down. Suddenly, an enormous bell's clanging tore through the air. All the townsfolk scrambled to shelter. Camelot soldiers raced through the streets. They massed directly in front of Kahlan—the direction Kahlan needed to go. Kahlan searched for a way around the blockade. When none presented itself, Kahlan turned another direction, hoping to find a detour.

Just then, some men screamed. Kahlan wheeled around to see Richard and Zedd hacking and burning their way through the Camelot soldiers.

"Kahlan!" Richard exclaimed and broke into a run.

"I found Cara!" Kahlan shouted, unable to contain herself. Zedd's eye's lit up. He then also ran, abandoning the desire to roast the rest of the militia.

"Where?" Richard glanced around wildly.

"In the bag," Kahlan answered without thinking.

"What?" Richard asked. He wasn't sure he heard Kahlan properly.

"I'll explain later," Kahlan shouted. She motioned and ran for escape.

The Legend of the Seeker crew ran through the woods. Out of habit, thy ran straight for the 'meeting place.' Not far behind them dogs barked. They wouldn't be able to evade the pursuers for long. Once the hunted group reached the 'meeting place' Richard was struck with an idea.

"Zedd, the mirror!"

Arthur led the chase after the sorcerers. Two of them were part of the group that invaded Guinevere's home. Arthur would see to it personally that these people received their just rewards. Once these sorcerers were caught, Arthur would check on Gwen. Now that he knew what type of people they truly were, he wanted to make sure they hadn't done anything to her.

Arthur, followed by his knights and Merlin, reached a small clearing. Three people were there preparing a fire. The knights had to restrain the dogs from lunging at the small group of travelers. Three, the right number, but not the right people. The group consisted of a middle-aged woman with dark hair, a squat woman with short red hair, and a portly man with scruffy blonde hair. All three looked distressed, especially the dark-haired woman. She fidgeted nervously with her collar. Occasionally, she glanced down. With each glance he grimaced more.

"Did you see two men and a woman run through here?" Arthur asked urgently.

The red haired woman shook her head. "No," she replied in a sugary tone.

Merlin's eyes narrowed. This was a group of three... making camp in the crazy crew's 'meeting place.' The dogs seemed convinced they had found the right people. Also, the red head failed to make a recognition of Arthur's rank. Even if she thought he was just a knight, where was the frightened _M'Lord _buttering? And that sugary tone... it sounded eerily like Kahlan. The crazy people had at least one sorcerer helping them. Was it possible-

"Are you sure?" Arthur checked, not wanting to accept that he lost the trail.

"We're sure," the portly man answered confidently. Again, no deference to Arthur or the knights as a whole. And he sounded like Richard...

Merlin scanned for evidence these travelers were wearing crystal necklaces. Of course, they would hide the necklaces under their clothes... Merlin tried to find a way of inconspicuously opening their shirts just enough to expose a shape-changing necklace. Arthur would recognize the crystals.

"We're sorry to have bothered you," Arthur said politely. Merlin heard an edge of disappointment in Arthur's voice.

"Don't worry about it," the portly man said. He outstretched both of his arms to the sides of him. Merlin took the opportunity.

Suddenly, the portly man's shirt tore all the way down the middle. Merlin and the knights cringed. A few quiet sounds of disgust escaped. Arthur tried, with little success, to pretend he didn't notice the man's 'accident.'

Merlin's heart sank. No crystal necklace, only a fatty torso.

Arthur cleared his throat, "Well, be careful. There are sorcerers in the area." He turned back to Merlin and the knights. "Let's go," he said being careful to keep eagerness out of his voice. That man's chest was something Arthur never wanted to see. Ever.

Merlin followed. He stopped to give the small group a look of suspicion. Merlin still wasn't convinced these people were in their true forms. They were in the 'meeting place.' The dogs had strained to attack them. And, they failed to display _any _deference to Arthur or the knights—which is _not _the typical behavior of startled travelers. There had to be other methods of shape-shifting. Merlin would ask Gaius about it.

The Legend of the Seeker group waited until the Camelot ruffians were certainly well out of range before risking anything. However, they used the mirror to regain their original forms sooner than Richard would have liked. Zedd was eager to lose the middle-aged woman's form.

"I think Merlin saw through us," Kahlan said quietly. She then smirked, "Good thing you lost weight. We can only afford so many shirts."

Richard smiled and closed his eyes. "I don't know what happened." Richard defended, "I only lifted my arms!"

"Mmmmm, just shows how fat you were!" Kahlan teased.

Richard's smile faded with a realization, "Where's Cara?"

"Oh!" Kahlan immediately slipped her pack off her shoulders. When she opened the bag, Kahlan scrunched her face in revulsion. "Cara, that's disgusting."

Richard peeked inside the bag. Inside was a guinea pig surrounded by what had to be vomit. Not Kahlan too! Were they all getting feverish like the physician said? "Kahlan," Richard said carefully, "are you alright?"

"It's Cara!" Kahlan insisted, "Look!"

The guinea pig stood on its hind legs. Making indignant squeaks, it waved around a small red stick. The rodent pointed to the vomit and then at Kahlan as if it were saying, _This is your fault!_

"Cara," Richard said slowly from shock. "How... What happened?"

"A guinea pig!" Zedd shouted angrily, "All this time you were having me search for a rodent!" He stormed off through the woods.

"Zedd! Wait!" Kahlan re-shouldered her pack and followed Zedd. Hopefully she would be able to calm him down.

Richard stared after Kahlan as she pursued Zedd. Richard sighed. This day had gone wrong. Everything was going all wrong. How would they be able to save these people? How would they save the Land of the Living? Richard's doubts weighed heavily on him. If he couldn't couldn't get back to the Midlands in time... Richard shook his head. He needed to stop fretting and work out a solution. Hadn't he, Richard, the Seeker, been in numerous 'hopeless situations'? He and Kahlan would find a way to help Zedd and Cara. These people will be free. They will save the Land of-

"Richard," said a pleasantly familiar voice.

Richard turned as a flood of shock and relief coursed through him. "Z-Zedd!" Richard stammered in excitement. Zedd was old again! "You're... back... how? Where-is-Kahlan?"

"I need to speak with you." Zedd's voice sounded heavy.

"Zedd, what is it? Where is KAHLAN?" Richard demanded.

"She's fine," Zedd tried to calm Richard. "Not long after we arrived here, I learned of a prophesy-"

"You know I don't believe in prophesy!" Richard snapped arrogantly.

"I know," Zedd replied quietly, "This is not a prophesy I wished to believe. I wasn't going to tell you unless I was certain." Zedd paused. "Richard, you're going to have to give up the sword."

"What? NO!" Richard shouted in horror. He took a step back.

"In order to save these people, the task must be given to another."

"Zedd, listen to yourself! This is madness!"

"Richard, the sword wouldn't work for you today," Zedd said sadly, "There was a reason for that."

Richard opened his mouth. He tried to find a way around it. He closed his eyes in defeat. Reluctantly, he handed Zedd the Sword of Truth.

"You've shown that you're willing to put your pride aside for the well-being of others. This will bring its own rewards," Zedd spoke almost formally. Richard stared. That didn't sound like Zedd.

Zedd leaned the sword against a tree and promptly disappeared. Richard furrowed his brow. The way Zedd disappeared looked wrong! Richard shook shook his head. He was probably just upset about the sword. The sword? Zedd had left the sword leaning on the tree. Richard resisted the urge to pick it up. Why hadn't Zedd taken it if he was to find another seeker? Just then, Kahlan and Zedd trudged noisily into view.

"Richard, what's wrong?" Zedd asked.

Richard felt confused and perhaps a little hurt by the question. Zedd knew perfectly well what was wrong. Richard side stepped the question, "Why didn't you take the sword?"

"Richard?" Zedd said softly. "You're the Seeker, the sword _should _ be with you."

"But you said that I wasn't-" Richard couldn't bear to finish the sentence.

"Whatever I said while I was young—well, it's probably best to ignore all of it," Zedd replied, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the topic. "When did I say you weren't the Seeker?"

"Just now..." Richard's voice trailed off. "You were old... and you disappeared... it didn't look right."

"Richard, I don't know what you're talking about. Just now I was young, foolish, and nursing a disappointed desire."

"But if that wasn't you-" Richard began.

"Then who was it?" Kahlan finished.

_A short period time later in Camelot, by the citadel gate..._

Cara leaped out of the bag the moment Kahlan lifted the flap. Kahlan was disguised as a homely woman. The group had decided to take advantage of Cara's predicament. She was to spy on Arthur.

* * *

**Please review. Please. Tell us what you thought of it. We like knowing what is good about our writing and what should be improved.**

**The next chapter should be coming shortly. Everyone keep your fingers crossed that Fern will let me use the computer enough. Why does she need to do her school anyway?  
**


	4. How Enchanting pt2

**It's here!**

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**ITALICIZES NOTE: Has anyone here read the Princess Bride? (If you haven't then you should. Watching the movie doesn't count.) We have used a style from that book in our fanfic. That's what the italicized section is. Don't skip over it. It's an important section. We decided that writing that section in full detail wouldn't be nearly as interesting as using the Princess Bride style of only giving the highlights.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Cara personally thought keeping an eye on Uther would be more worthwhile than keeping an eye on Arthur. However, telling her companions that was too much trouble. In order to communicate Cara had to write in the dirt. In her new rodent form that took forever! So, it was off to Arthur's chambers. Actually, Cara hoped to find Uther's chambers instead, but her companions didn't need to know that just yet.

Cara scurried along the corridors. She tried to not be spotted, but, really, she was most worried about not getting stepped on. Camelot corridors were not built with guinea pigs in mind. Cara had been creeping into every door she could find a way into. It seemed that everywhere she went there was another foot threatening to squish her. Also, this place was huge. Just as Cara began to fear she'd never find Uther's or even Arthur's chamber, a scream rended the air.

"A rat! Hand me a broom!"

Cara looked up. The voice belonged to a young kitchen maid. Cara was in the kitchen surrounded by feet—big feet each ready to kick and stomp on her. The scream set off a chain reaction. All the other maids began to scream. The head of the kitchens tried to convince them to get rid of Cara rather than have a shrieking contest. Everyone that had the presence of mind to go after Cara had to climb over the panicked impromptu chorus.

Cara scampered around. She looked for a crevice, an exit, anything to get out. Suddenly the sound of marching feet thundered nearby. A second later, the kitchen door flung open. Arthur and two guards appeared. Arthur was wearing a cape. Cara had never been so happy in her life to see a cape!

"What's wrong," Arthur demanded.

The head of the kitchen stuttered with fright, "I'm—I'm sorry, M'Lord. The lassies here saw a-a r-rat. D-Don't worry, M'Lord, it won't get into the food. I'll make sure of that."

Cara took advantage of the attention shift to Arthur. She scrambled under Arthur's cloak and dug her claws and teeth into it.

Arthur felt flustered. He had run to the kitchens ready for a fight. All he found was a gaggle of servants who were frightened into silence at the sight of him. Arthur gave the obligatory, "Just take care of it," and then fled. (Though, of course, he was careful to make sure it didn't look that way.) As he walked briskly, he noticed that his cloak tugged strangely. Arthur attempted to shake it out without anyone noticing. It was to no avail.

Cara silently cursed Arthur every time he shook his cape. Occasionally, she soiled his cape. Doing so gave her a sick sense of satisfaction.

When Arthur finally reached his room, he gruffly removed his cloak and threw it in a lump on the floor. Merlin gave Arthur an odd look. Arthur normally had Merlin remove the cape. That is, unless Arthur was upset. Merlin shrugged and continued scrubbing the floor. If something was bothering Arthur, Merlin probably wouldn't have to do much (if any) pestering to find out about it.

"I go down to the kitchens because I hear screaming—screaming over a rat," Arthur said in annoyance.

Merlin smirked, "Sounds like I missed an epic battle."

"What?"

"The great Arthur Pendragon was called to defeat a monstrous rat and defend the kitchens!" Merlin shook his rag expressively.

"If its so monstrous, I might send you after it," Arthur retorted, "If a regular rat could tear you apart, imagine what this one will do to you."

"Wait, it got away? From you?" Merlin shook his head sadly. "You allowed yourself to be outwitted by a rat," he said in a parroting voice.

"Only so I could have you catch it in your mouth!"

"Oh," Merlin furrowed his brow mockingly, "you'll be watching right?"

It wasn't until now that Cara had the presence of mind to get out of the cloak and hide under a piece of furniture while there was still a distraction. She was shocked by the behavior from both sides. She had never before seen such an insolent servant, nor a master so stupidly tolerant. Although, perhaps Arthur was serious about the rat-eating threat. Cara knew she would have force fed a whole rat to that servant, and worse.

Later that evening, Cara somehow managed to sneak out of Arthur's chambers and back to Kahlan. As soon as they got back to camp Cara faced the challenge of having to report what she had seen. Fortunately or unfortunately (Cara couldn't decide which), there wasn't much to report on. The only news was that the kitchen staff was terrified of Arthur, but Merlin was not. That, and that Merlin was the most insolent servant Cara had ever seen. The rest of the group found this interesting. Cara, however, was too tired to care. When they asked for the particulars of the conversation, Cara ignored them. She took her abominably short legs and went straight for the bag.

Late in the night, Merlin crept out of the castle. He had told Gaius what he planned to do. Merlin's plan worried Gaius. He pointed out that the crazy people could be hiding anywhere. That, and what if they caught Merlin? Besides, they wouldn't dare come near Camelot so soon after that day's incident. Merlin merely insisted that he needed to find out what they were up to. As Merlin wandered about the forest, he wondered if Gaius was right. Maybe this was bad idea. Merlin had already checked the 'meeting place.' Of course, he knew them still being there was too much to hope for. Merlin searched for a sign of where they might have gone. But he was no tracker. Merlin suddenly wished he had convinced Arthur to come. Merlin snorted at the idea. Arthur would've insisted on going during the day to attack directly. Sneaking around and _only_ observing wasn't in Arthur's repertoire.

Just as Merlin was considering going back, Merlin saw a human-shaped shadow in the distance. He crept toward it. He hoped it wasn't just some random traveler passing through. As Merlin got closer he could see that whomever it was wasn't alone. Merlin kept his distance very carefully. This group walked on until they approached another group.

One of the shadowy figures that Merlin was stalking spoke, "Hail, strangers."

Merlin heard the startled cry of a woman, "Richard! Wake up!"

The first voice spoke again. He introduced himself as the leader of a band of renegade sorcerers. He gave a long spill about the common cause they apparently shared. He offered them a place in their ranks. The woman, Kahlan (Merlin believed it was), spoke again. She accepted their offer whilst sounding as though she expected, along with her companions, to call the shots.

From Merlin's hiding spot, Merlin could see Kahlan extend her arm. They shook hands. Then something unexpected happened. Kahlan stepped back in unmistakable horror as the sorcerer dropped to his knees.

"Command me, mistress," the sorcerer said in a reverent tone.

Unconsciously, Merlin's hand shot to his throat. With a thrill of fear, he remembered what seemed at the time to be an odd threat. _Is that what would have happened if she succeeded? _Merlin thought numbly as cries of, "What treachery is this?" rang through air. Merlin's chest felt heavy. He was barely able to focus enough to notice the former leader of the renegade band leap to defend his new found mistress who slumped to the ground. The old man burned many of sorcerers. Richard's sword fighting was impressive. Merlin wasn't sure who would win in a fair sword fight between Arthur and Richard. Of course, Merlin would never let them have a fair sword fight (but that was beside the point). Kahlan jumped up to join the fray. Merlin thought her fighting style looked precarious. He was amazed she hadn't gotten cut in half. Frankly, Merlin felt that even he could defeat her in a completely magic-free sword fight. How was she felling so many of them? Any competent fighter would have taken advantage of her habit of leaning backward.

Merlin stared with mixed feelings. In a sense, the crazy people were unwittingly doing Merlin's job for him. But that didn't erase the fact that they intended to overthrow Camelot. And, this proved that they were an effective team. Stopping them would be no small task.

Finally, the battle ended. Merlin patiently stayed in place until he could be sure his escape would be unnoticed. Merlin noted that Kahlan's new pet had died in the course of the battle. He then saw a scene that made him pity Kahlan.

Kahlan sunk to the ground._ How had this happened? _She thought in despair. One second she was shaking the man's hand, The next, she had accidentally confessed him. Kahlan's heart ached as she surveyed the carnage. Their deaths were entirely her fault. She sobbed. Kahlan felt Richard place his hand on her shoulder. "Don't touch me!" She cried in panic.

"Kahlan?" Richard said tenderly.

"Richard," Kahlan gasped and wailed, "I don't have control of my powers. I-I couldn't bear it i-if-if-" She couldn't finish her sentence. Her cries became uncontrollable.

Merlin then realized that he was probably only protected from Kahlan because her illustrious leader killed a unicorn.

The next morning, Merlin tried to figure out how to inform Arthur of just how dangerous those crazy people were. Though Merlin now pitied Kahlan and was now certain they wouldn't try anything anytime soon, he wanted to be careful and be as prepared as possible for their next attack. The loony bin escapees definitely weren't giving up.

Now, much later in the busy day, all Merlin had was still, '_So, I was lurking in the woods last night.'_ Merlin shook his head. That would never do. Merlin lifted a bottle to eye level. Gaius had to leave suddenly to help an injured townsperson. Gaius had been in the middle of making an anesthetic for a different townsperson. Since Merlin had a _little_ time to spare before he was expected back at work, and the potion was simple to make, Merlin convinced Gaius to let him make it... unsupervised.

Merlin carefully measured and combined each ingredient as instructed. He groaned. They were out of an ingredient. Merlin was supposed to have gotten more the day he set the drunkard on Richard. Merlin didn't have enough time to buy more right now. He supposed he could leave Gaius a note. Merlin pursed his lips. Gaius needed the anesthetic the moment he got back. According to Gaius, this ingredient was for increasing potency. Merlin could use magic to accomplish that goal. As soon as Merlin had time, he would restock the ingredient. No one would have to know.

Merlin darted upstairs for the book of magic. Upon getting back downstairs and having found a spell that looked right, Merlin raised the concoction and uttered a few words. His eyes and the potion glowed for a split second.

Just then, the door creaked open behind Merlin. He jumped slightly, spilling the liquid on his hand. He quickly wiped his hand on his shirt. Then, realizing the magic book was open, he slammed the book closed.

To Merlin's relief, it was only Gaius. Merlin gave a the bottle a quick guilty look. He placed it where Gaius had told Merlin to if he finished before Gaius got back. Merlin hastily ran back upstairs to stash the magic book while trying to look as innocent and casual about it as possible. When he got back he muttered something about needing to see Arthur right away. As Merlin had hoped, Gaius was in too much of a rush to notice Merlin's peculiar behavior.

Merlin hurried out the door and through the corridors. He barged straight into Arthur's room. Arthur greeted Merlin with a patronizing glare.

"Merlin, I'm late because of you. What's your excuse this time?" Arthur demanded.

"Gaius..." Merlin answered simply as he strode straight to the armor.

Arthur rolled his eyes and positioned himself to be dressed. As Merlin began suiting up Arthur, Merlin couldn't help but notice tiny smudges and scratches on the armor. Merlin's jaw tightened. He had polished it yesterday. Obviously, he hadn't done a good enough job. Merlin resisted the urge to do last minute polishing while dressing Arthur. Merlin didn't have time to fix this dreadful mistake yet.

But that wasn't the only problem. The drapes were uneven. The floor was dirty. The mantle was dusty. The fireplace was sooty. How had Merlin let this go on? How could he have let Prince Arthur live with such a mess? Merlin silently vowed to make the room sparkle when he returned.

Merlin swiped his hand over the pommel of Arthur's blade a few times. At least he could make a small effort now without making Arthur more late.

Arthur gave Merlin an odd look. What was Merlin doing? Why the pommel wiping? Arthur shook his head. He wasn't sure he'd ever fully understand his manservant.

As Arthur moved to leave, Merlin quickly straightened one of the chairs under the table before trailing after Arthur.

_Meanwhile..._

_Basically, Anhora gives Richard the second test. We felt it would be tedious for anyone to read the confusing and elaborate details of this section. Anhora sends an illusion to woo Kahlan. It took ten pages for a ginger man illusion to start making his advances. We wrote about fifty pages detailing how Kahlan couldn't bring herself to confess the over-insistent suitor. Another thirty-eight pages of the ginger man telling Richard and Kahlan that he (the illusion) and Kahlan were meant to be. Five pages of angsting Kahlan, who starts thinking it's a possibility but she doesn't want to leave Richard or hurt him by being with another man. However, she felt a magical compulsion to tell Richard she completely wanted this random suitor. Three more pages of angsting, except its Richard's agony that is displayed. He aches over Kahlan's 'choice.' Then, he considers pummeling the man. But, Richard decides not to because he loves Kahlan so much that he only wants her to be happy. Richard passes the test. Kahlan's control over her confessor powers is returned. That took about six pages. Then, Richard and Kahlan spent ninety-two pages confessing their undying love for each other. After looking over the writing, we wondered how we wrote such an abomination that isn't suitable for **anyone**._

After the knighting ceremony, Arthur headed back to his chamber with Merlin following closely behind. As soon as they were in the room, Merlin began to help Arthur out of his armor. Merlin seemed to be fidgeting... and rubbing each piece off armor as he removed it.

"Merlin," Arthur put an edge to his voice.

"Yes, sire," Merlin replied bouncily.

"Focus on the task at hand, you imbecile," Arthur snapped.

"I'm sorry, M'Lord," Merlin sounded genuinely horrified.

Arthur expected to be 'accidentally' walloped by his own armor. Instead, Merlin hastily, yet carefully removed the armor as though trying to make amends.

As soon as Arthur's armor was off, Merlin immediately plopped onto the floor. He straightway began polishing the chain mail. Merlin sitting in the middle of the floor polishing looked rather comical. What was Merlin thinking! Arthur was about to go to bed. The corner of Arthur's mouth tugged. So,_ this_ was Merlin's revenge!

"Merlin," Arthur said patronizingly, "put it away."

"But sire... are you sure? It's filthy."

"Merlin," Arthur said in a tone that clearly said, _'we're done.'_

"Yes, sire." Merlin's voice bordered on worshipful. This unnerved Arthur.

"Really Merlin, you idiot, are you trying to make up for your constant laziness in one night? What are you after?" Arthur snapped irately. Merlin had been acting strange all evening. At first, Arthur didn't really notice... or mind. Sure, the pommel wiping was weird. Merlin brushing something off Arthur's shoulder was bizarre. (Arthur, at the time, felt certain Merlin was somehow making a mockery.) But strangest of all, Merlin did _not _mock Arthur. Arthur nearly tripped over his own cape! Where was the usual rubbish over anything Arthur did?

"I'm sorry, sire. I only ask that I will have the opportunity to make up for my laziness by serving you as I should have before," Merlin spoke earnestly. At least, he _sounded_ earnest.

This had to be a trick. Merlin had to be pulling some elaborate prank. Arthur knew it. All Arthur had to do was irritate Merlin just enough. Merlin wouldn't be able to hold up the ruse. Arthur strode to his bed and tore off the bed covers.

"Clean it up, Merlin," Arthur ordered.

Merlin bowed quickly. "Yes, sire," He answered delightedly. Not even the smallest trace of annoyance crossed his face!

Arthur stared in shock as Merlin fixed the bed. Merlin had never been a good actor! How was he pulling this off? Why was he even bothering with something so clearly elaborate? Arthur racked his brain. What could Arthur have possibly done to provoke such behavior? Why would Merlin suddenly act like a bootlicker? A bootlicker! That struck Arthur with a brilliant idea.

"Merlin," Arthur smirked, "you're acting like a _bootlicker_."

"Would you like me to lick your boots, M'Lord?" Merlin asked hopefully.

Arthur's jaw dropped. Merlin HATED bootlickers! "Yes," Arthur answered firmly. Merlin asked for it; he was going to get it.

Merlin immediately grabbed the nearest boot. Arthur managed to snatch it away just before Merlin's tongue touched the boot. Merlin hadn't even hesitated! Arthur expected an exaggerated and mockingly threatening display. In which case, Arthur would have happily allowed and perhaps even forced Merlin to pay for his behavior. He expected Merlin to at least _slowly_ move his tongue to the boot. Not look genuinely overeager! Arthur couldn't bring himself to let Merlin lick the boot so... willingly, so... happily.

But then Arthur's reeling thoughts were interrupted. "NO!" Arthur shouted as he snatched the other boot from Merlin's eager hands.

Merlin's face fell despairingly with disappointment and confusion. "But—but—M'Lord, I-"

Arthur saw something move in the corner of his eye. The rat! Was that a rat? No matter.

"The rat, Merlin! Get it!" Arthur exclaimed desperately, "Eat it whole!"

Merlin grinned with genuine glee. He took off after the... rat... the fat yellow thing... with a stick in its mouth? The... thing squeaked in alarm. It jumped under the wardrobe. Merlin shoved his arm after the creature.

"Ow!" Merlin yelped, thrusting his arm back. But, undeterred, he threw his arm back under the wardrobe.

The rodent emerged from the opposite side of the wardrobe. The servant mindlessly leapt to his feet and ran after the creature. It scurried under the bed. Merlin followed. The animal emerged again with Merlin crawling closely behind. Arthur no longer knew what to think or do. He could only stare at the absurd scene of Merlin and the rodent scurrying in circles about the room. Then, the animal ran through chair legs. Merlin got stuck. This gave the rodent just enough time to climb up the curtains before Merlin could reach the window. The rodent crawled along the tiny ledge on the outside castle walls. Arthur had just enough wits left to grab Merlin before the idiot could jump out the window.

"Don't-" Arthur gasped, "don't do that. Go—go muck out the stables."

Merlin cheerfully bowed and hurried away.

Arthur sighed. He closed his eyes in frustration. Arthur played right into Merlin's hands. Merlin was probably just trying to get out of work early for who knows why. Merlin succeeded. There was no way Merlin would muck out the stables at this hour. Arthur berated himself for allowing Merlin to fool him. Arthur would be sure to scold Merlin tomorrow for not cleaning the stables. Arthur knew Merlin couldn't possibly do that chore tonight—perhaps he could, but really, it was a ridiculous thing to require at night. Merlin knew that and knew that Arthur knew that. But Arthur intended to punish Merlin by being upset about the stables. Arthur would then get Merlin to admit what he wanted to get out of work for. Arthur had to know what Merlin wanted badly enough to be to driven to bootlicking. Bootlicking of all things!

After Arthur had lain in bed for several minutes, he was finally able to fall asleep. He was beginning to drift off when a knock on the door sounded. Arthur groaned. He sat up. It must be a knight. An emergency must have occurred.

"Enter." Arthur did his best to force the drowsiness out of his voice.

The door opened. _No_, Arthur thought, _I will deal with __**anything**__ else._

"Merlin, what are you doing?" Arthur barked.

"I'm sorry, M'Lord. If knew you were already asleep-" Merlin began.

"Merlin!"

"I was going to prepare you for bed. I finished mucking out your horses," Merlin spoke apologetically.

"Impossible! It takes longer than that."

"I worked as quickly as possible. I only stopped to clean myself as a courtesy to you." Merlin sounded genuinely horrified to have wasted so much time. He was probably only sorry that he didn't think to force the smell of horse dung on Arthur!

"Don't lie to me," Arthur snapped, "Where were you?"

Merlin looked confused and frightened. "M'Lord, I-I swear I'm telling the truth."

"Merlin," Arthur said dangerously, "Where were you?"

"Have I done something to anger you, sire? Tell me what I have done and how I can redeem myself," Merlin replied desperately.

"Go—go help Gaius!"

Arthur stared in exasperation and disgust as his manservant bouncily left the room. Arthur's mind returned to his original assessment of the situation. This was entirely an elaborate prank. Whatever Merlin was doing rather than cleaning the stables was probably part of preparations for some huge finale. Merlin must have been planning this for months! Arthur could tell he hadn't seen the end of it yet.

No. Arthur leapt to his feet. He would end this! Arthur knocked over chairs, tore down curtains, threw his clothes, and did any other destruction within reason. Arthur finally surveyed the room with satisfaction. Merlin would snap! He couldn't possibly hold the ruse when he sees this! Merlin would decide that whatever he had planned for Arthur simply wasn't worth the extra work. Arthur jumped into bed. He smiled at the thought of what Merlin's face would look like.

Cara didn't think this situation could get more confusing. That is, until she saw the prince tear apart his own room. First off, only yesterday Merlin was the most insolent servant ever. Today, Merlin almost had joyfully licked a boot. Then, he nearly jumped out a window to eat her! Why hadn't Arthur let Merlin do both? Or at least let him lick the boot? And why was he now ripping apart his own room?

Cara never thought she'd ever feel grateful to Merlin, but... he left the door open! While the prince was distracted by his 'work,' Cara slipped out and away. When she finally made it out of the citadel, she still didn't now what to make of what she witnessed. In a dark corner near the gate sat a dark-haired woman—Zedd. He—or in this case, she—scooped Cara into the bag.

When they returned to camp, Kahlan told them the wonderful news. Her powers were back under control! Now, they waited for final test which they knew would restore Cara.

_Meanwhile..._

Merlin hurried to obey Arthur's command. He flung open Gaius' door. Merlin looked around feverishly. In disappointment he realized that Gaius wasn't home. Merlin's shoulders sagged. How would he ever fulfill Arthur's glorious command? As he stared around in disappointment, he noticed that the room was in complete disarray. How had he managed to live here? How had Gaius (more importantly) for that matter? That settled it. Merlin would organize this wreck. He would start with the most important items in the room. Gaius would be so proud.

_Sometime later..._

Gaius returned. To say he was stunned at the sight that met his eyes would be an understatement. All his potions and herbs were on the floor... in very neat piles. In the middle was Merlin... polishing the bottles.

"Merlin?" Gaius raised his eyebrow and scowled.

"Yes, Gaius," Merlin's voice was frighteningly chipper. His eyes looked over bright.

"What is all this?"

"I'm organizing it," Merlin grinned proudly.

"Merlin, that isn't necessary," Gaius said pointedly.

"Yes it is." Merlin smiled again, looking slightly deranged.

"Merlin," Gaius took a deep breath, "I would really rather you didn't."

Merlin proceeded to give a long and meandering explanation. All the while he continued to 'organize.' Gaius listened uncomprehendingly. The only phrase he caught was, "Arthur told me to." The rest washed over in a wave of nonsense.

Gaius shook his head. Merlin was looking for something at Arthur's behest. That had to be it. The 'organizing' was a ruse.

"Merlin," Gaius' voice was firm, "what are you looking for?"

Merlin looked confused. "I don't follow," Merlin replied.

The conversation that followed left Gaius flustered and convinced that Arthur wanted something... something both Arthur and Merlin were embarrassed to ask for.

* * *

**ITALICIZES NOTE: For those of you that haven't read the Princess Bride: No, we did not write 204 pages for that section. What you see there is all we wrote! We thought writing that part in detail was too serious for this fanfic and too melodramatic for our taste. It just wouldn't have been funny! Therefore, we used the Princess Bride style of claiming there is much more detail.**

**Want these psychos to write faster? It's simple: reviews. Seriously, we love them, (and they actually guilt us into rationalizing spending more time on this). So, write reviews! Please?**

**_In any case chapter 5 should be up soon. As it will be "How... Enchanting pt 3." We swear that chapter six will not be called "How Enchanting pt 4."_  
**


	5. How Enchanting pt5 I mean pt3

**Lo, and behold that "Chapter 3: How... Enchanting" is now over in the form of chapter 5! Whew! Thank you to all the reviewers and their feedback. Keep reviewing! Please, cheese!  
**

**_By the way, "Merlin" and "Legend of the Seeker" still don't belong to us. That hasn't changed even if we forget to mention it-_Right, actually, I think our readers are probably intelligent enough to figure that out. _It's not our readers I'm worried about._ (Don't worry, Fern. They're coming for you.) Honestly, is a disclaimer really needed after the first chapter? I'm pretty sure those over-worried copy-right people aren't so defensive of their story as to take us down for not posting a reminder every chapter. _Touche (and, Zab, they're taking you too).  
_**

* * *

The next morning Arthur woke earlier than usual. It surprised him how quiet it was. Arthur looked around the room, expecting to see some sign of Merlin and what he was trying to pull. All Arthur saw was the very unpleasant surprise left for Merlin. All of Arthur's clothes were strewn across the floor, the cupboards and drawers were spilled open, the chairs were tipped over, and the drapes laid in a lump. Arthur stared at the pile of curtains with a realization that being up early was his own fault. Arthur dressed himself. If Merlin was persisting with his joke, being up early might not be such a bad thing. Arthur wouldn't have to deal with Merlin doing anything strange... like last second cleaning of the clothes before handing them to Arthur. Arthur shuddered at the thought. Maybe the room wasn't quite messy enough to prevent something like that. Arthur looked at his bed. The mattress was still lying atop it...

Gwen walked through the halls toward Morgana's room to wake her. Suddenly a loud thud sounded from Arthur's chambers.

"Arthur?" Gwen asked tentatively to the door. "M'lord," she said as she placed her hand on the handle. No answer. Gwen didn't want to intrude, but her desire to be sure Arthur was alright won out. She opened the door.

Nothing could have prepared Gwen for the sight inside. Arthur was fine. His room wasn't though. Drapes, clothes, bedding, and overturn chairs were strewn across the room. The mattress lay on the floor beside the bed frame. The table rested on its side. Arthur stood with his hands frozen to the table. He gave a horrified and embarrassed look. He opened his mouth, then closed it and swallowed, looking like a small child caught in the act of being naughty.

"Arthur?" Gwen breathed.

"I can explain!" Arthur said quickly. He paused, "It's—It's Merlin."

"Merlin did this?" Gwen said slightly skeptically.

"No, I did," Arthur said, looking trapped. "But it's not what it looks like! Merlin is pulling an elaborate prank. If I irritate him enough, he won't be able to keep the ruse." As soon as Arthur spoke he realized how childish he sounded. It _was_ what it sounded like!

"You're getting back at Merlin for pulling a little prank?" Gwen shook her head, "Arthur, whatever he did, surely he doesn't deserve this much work."

"No, he isn't finished. I'm trying to get him to stop!" Arthur said desperately.

"Arthur, really, this-"

"Sire," Merlin's horrified voice came from behind Gwen. She turned to see Merlin holding Arthur's breakfast and looking more apologetic than anything else. "I will fix your chambers immediately! I only wish I came sooner." Merlin shuffled around the room searching for a place to put the food. He stopped suddenly and stared as though he noticed Arthur for the first time. "Oh, sire," Merlin said in a distraught tone, "I could have helped you dress. Should I come to wake you earlier in the mornings?"

Arthur looked stricken. "No—No. Absolutely not!" Arthur sputtered. He gave Gwen a look that said, _'See! See! What did I tell you?'_ "Just—Just clean it up!" Arthur added as he fled the room.

Once Arthur was certainly out of earshot, Gwen broke into a fit of laughter, "Merlin, that's really clever."

Merlin looked confused, "What is? Arthur? Of course he is." Merlin looked down and then spoke as though he had just witnessed a true tragedy, "Oh! He didn't get his breakfast." Merlin looked torn. Then, having made up his mind, "Excuse me, I must bring breakfast to his lordship." Merlin began to move for the door.

Gwen placed her hand out to stop him. She laughed again, "Alright, I think he's had enough for now. C'mon, I'll help you clean this up."

Merlin stared at Gwen as though she had just spoken the most ridiculous words in existence. "Enough food? He hasn't had any yet!" Merlin objected.

Gwen smirked, "Merlin, he's not in here; you can drop the ruse."

Merlin looked even more confused and worried for Gwen's sanity. "What are you talking about?" He shook his head as though wanting to forget what he had just heard and move on. "I must bring him his breakfast!" Merlin darted past Gwen and down the hall.

Gwen gaped at the empty doorway that Merlin just ran through. Gwen began to wonder if she had even woken up that morning. She closed her eyes and pinched herself. When she opened her eyes... Arthur's wrecked room. She sighed. It was worth a try.

Arthur's behavior had baffled her, but now it made a bit more sense. A smile tugged her lips. Arthur was upset by Merlin being too subservient. On one hand, the situation was humorous and made Arthur a bit more endearing. However, Gwen was worried about Merlin's sanity. If this was all a prank, Gwen felt certain that Merlin would have laughed the moment Arthur had left. Something had to be wrong with Merlin. She needed to see Gaius! But, she couldn't right now; she had to attend to Morgana. How long had Gwen been standing there? She had to go. The thought occurred to her that she really didn't want to be caught in Arthur's room, especially with it in this state.

_Meanwhile..._

Arthur slowed his pace considerably after he had rounded a few corners. A few people had started to stare. Arthur didn't want to alarm anyone unnecessarily with his haste. Besides, if Merlin wanted to further his sick joke by following, he would have done so by now. Arthur needed to clear his head. He was having trouble not shouting down the halls in frustration. How had Merlin contained himself so well? The facade didn't seem to break even for a moment. _He must have something huge planned!_ There was no other way Merlin could seem so happy to help at the sight of such a horrific mess. Arthur didn't want to find out what Merlin had planned. But how would Arthur stop his manservant? The wreck had only backfired. Arthur suppressed a groan. Now Merlin was going to wake Arthur absurdly early. Probably before the sun even rises. Nothing Arthur could say would stop Merlin from taking that horrible notion to heart. Of course, Arthur could just dismiss his manservant for the time being. But Arthur didn't want to do that! No, Arthur would make Merlin snap. Merlin could only handle so much work.

"Sire!" Merlin's voice called from behind. Arthur walked faster, pretending to not hear the wretched sound. Couldn't Merlin just allow a moment of peace?

"Sire," Merlin hailed again, having now caught up with Arthur.

"What is it Merlin?" Arthur relented, but he refused to slow his pace or even glance at the insolent pipsqueak.

"You didn't get your breakfast, m'lord," Merlin said frantically, lifting the plate of food higher.

"I'm not hungry." Arthur forced himself to not glance at Merlin or the wonderful smelling food.

"But you haven't eaten yet!" Merlin objected. He tried to shove the plate into Arthur's hand.

"I'm fine," Arthur lied through clenched teeth. Arthur wasn't going to give Merlin the satisfaction of succeeding at whatever he was trying to pull now. Arthur didn't care how much his stomach growled in protest. Merlin wasn't going to get to him! "I've already eaten," Arthur added before Merlin could continue wheedling and tempting Arthur with food.

Merlin stopped and stood, staring dejectedly as Arthur continued on. Merlin was failing his duty to his prince! First the bedroom gets wrecked, then Arthur has already dressed and eaten. Merlin obviously was doing something wrong. He was supposed to serve Prince Arthur and he was failing dismally!

Arthur smiled in triumph. He had managed to stop Merlin this time! His heart soared with hope. _By this afternoon, Merlin won't dream of trying something like this again. _For the rest of the distance to the stables, Arthur felt increasingly pleased with the treacherously wonderful plan that unfolded in his mind.

When Arthur entered the stables, he halted with shock and horror. The stables were impossibly clean, cleaner than they had ever been before.

_We don't know what possessed us to write this next part in grand detail. Basically, Richard is tested for the third and final time. The "moral" was to have patience and not coup because saving these people was someone else's destiny and task. The entire thing was convoluted and confusing. Because of that, we decided to ditch it. Well, that, and it was 242 pages long (featuring plenty of angsting, indecision, and even romance). After Richard passed his test, he and Kahlan gushed shamelessly for fifteen pages. Kahlan mentioning in one way or another that she always had faith in Richard happened 27 times within those fifteen pages. The next 23 pages detailed Cara expanding into her original size while inside the bag. How we had managed to create a second abomination is still beyond both of us._

_Meanwhile..._

Arthur gleefully splattered mud throughout his room. He wondered exactly how he would repay Gwen. Arthur wasn't even quite sure how he had managed to to convince her to help. He was simply glad Gwen had dropped off that basket of mud.

When Arthur had asked her to bring him mud, she tried to to tell him she didn't think Merlin was pulling a prank. Merlin continued behaving strangely even after Arthur had left. She felt certain that something was wrong with Merlin. Arthur assured her that Merlin was trying to further the joke by continuing the ruse for her as well. Arthur wasn't going to let Merlin make a fool of him.

As Arthur rubbed mud into the drapes, he thought cruelly of everything he had planned. He wasn't going to stop at wrecking the room. Oh no, Merlin will cry when he sees the amount of work he'll have to do. On one hand, Arthur was slightly frustrated that Merlin had managed to set Arthur's plans back by cleaning the room before Arthur could return from duties. But, on the other hand, the room being re-destroyed (with the addition of mud) would add to the effect.

A knock on the door sounded. "Arthur."

Arthur wheeled around. Standing in the now open doorway was Gaius.

"Are you alright, sire?" Gaius asked with a raised eyebrow.

Arthur dropped the drapes behind him as if he could somehow hide the entire mess with that single action. Under Gaius' withering gaze, Arthur felt like a small child getting caught.

"I'm fine," Arthur replied quickly.

"Are you sure?" Gaius sounded concerned. Well, he had good reason. _Just don't tell my father, _Arthur thought desperately.

"Quite sure." Then to change the subject, Arthur inquired, "Is there something you need, Gaius?"

"Yes," Gaius paused, taking in a deep breath, "I need to talk to you about Merlin."

Arthur stiffened. His eyes wandered guiltily. "What about him?"

"It's just that he mentioned you in his long-winded explanation as to why he was polishing my bottles."

Arthur jumped slightly. "He's doing it to you too?" He asked incredulously.

"What do you mean?" Gaius asked in confusion. Arthur wouldn't have any bottles to polish.

Arthur paused. How could he explain the situation to Gaius? "Uh... When he was getting me out of my armor yesterday, he... tried to polish at the same time," Arthur paused again, "He's been acting strange since yesterday—and doing similar things... He nearly licked a boot. I-I thought it was all a prank. But if he's doing it to you too..."

Gaius looked contemplative. "About when did you first notice he was acting like this?"

"About... around the time of the knighting ceremony. It didn't get obvious until afterward."

Gaius frowned. He tried to remember what Merlin was doing just before the knighting ceremony. Merlin was making a potion... Gaius realized with a start that Merlin put away the magic book just before leaving. Gaius, at the time, had thought Merlin was trying to squeeze in some extra studying while working. Gaius had planned on talking to Merlin about the need for full attention in these situations. But, instead, it seemed Merlin didn't need a lecture on that. Rather, Merlin—again—needed to be more responsible with magic.

"That would explain it," Gaius muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"I think I know what's going on," Gaius explained, "If I'm right, I will need your help."

"What do you need me to do?" Arthur asked, eager get this over with.

Gaius paused. "First, you might want to make sure your room doesn't look like there's been an intruder in case someone comes. I need to check something before we do anything, just to be certain. Meet me in my chambers as soon as you can. That's where I left Merlin... polishing bottles."

As Gaius left, Arthur felt a twinge of guilt. Arthur hadn't believed Guinevere, and he had wanted to make Merlin cry! Arthur hastily mopped up as much mud as he could with the already ruined drapes. Almost all the fabric in the room (besides the bedding) needed to be stashed. Arthur threw them behind the screen. He righted the furniture. Then, the room was still filthy. But, at least no one would panic about an intruder. Instead, some one would think Merlin was being an extraordinarily lazy servant.

_Meanwhile..._

Gaius hurried as fast as his old body would allow. When he arrived home, Merlin was still surrounded by bottles.

"Merlin?" Gaius said carefully.

"Yes," Merlin replied bouncily while still polishing bottles.

"Is there anymore of the potion you made yesterday?"

Merlin nodded brightly and innocently handed it to Gaius.

Gaius held the potion up to his eyes. It was lower than it should have been. "I need another anesthetic. This isn't enough for my needs." Merlin handed Gaius another drug. When Merlin reached for the first bottle, Gaius reproved firmly, "Merlin, I need what little I have here."

Merlin dropped his hand. "I can make more!" Merlin announced excitedly. Without waiting for a response, Merlin began to gather ingredients.

"Oh, I forgot. You're out of it," Merlin babbled in surprise.

"Merlin!" Gaius reproved without thinking, "I'm perfectly fine."

Merlin's cheeks turned red in shame. "I d-didn't mean that there was something wrong with you. Th-there isn't enough of this." Merlin held an ingredient aloft.

It was just as Gaius suspected. "Merlin," he said, "did you use magic to make—"

"Yes!" Merlin yowled. "That's not even the worst of it," he sniffed.

"It can't be that bad," Gaius said, trying to calm Merlin down. It was awkward to watch a grown man cry over something so pathetic.

"Yes it is!" Merlin wailed even louder, "I spilt it on myself!"

Just then, Arthur barged in.

"My lord! What do you need?" Merlin rambled, jumping to his feet, "If I knew—"

"I need to talk to Gaius," Arthur said firmly. "And for you to stay put," he added as an afterthought.

"But, m'lord, I can't just stand idle. I must—"

"Very well!" Arthur hastily cut Merlin off. He did not want to hear the rest of the sentence. "Then—" Arthur pursed his lips and shook his hand vigorously. "Polish those bottles!"

The moment Arthur and Gaius left the room Arthur asked, "Well? What's wrong with him?"

"Merlin accidentally spilled some of this on himself." Gaius held up a potion. "It was meant to be ingested, not applied to the skin."

"Right," Arthur nodded cluelessly.

"I need you to force Merlin to drink this," Gaius lifted the other potion, "So, then, I can make Merlin take the first potion properly."

"Why don't we just tell him to drink it? He's so eager to serve."

"It won't work. He got violent this morning when I tried to get him to eat breakfast."

Arthur's jaw dropped.

"Which is why we need him to be unconscious before giving him this," Gaius continued, "I'd rather you didn't knock him out with brute force. But if you have to..."

Arthur felt sick. "Why don't I force that potion down him?" Arthur asked, indicating the one Merlin dumped on himself.

Gaius raised an eyebrow at Arthur. "It takes weeks to make," Gaius lied. "This is all we have left. And, if Merlin should break it and get it on you as well... Remember, Merlin got into this fix because he got it on his skin."

Arthur's face turned gray at the idea. "We'll do it your way." He grabbed the other potion and reached for the door.

"Arthur," Gaius said, suddenly realizing something, "It might be best if we got him away from all the bottles."

When Arthur and Gaius reentered the room, Merlin's head snapped up immediately. "Sire—"

"I need you to come with me, Merlin," Arthur interjected. Arthur, drug in hand, crossed the room and started up the steps to Merlin's room. Merlin followed like a puppy dog.

"My room, m'lord?" Merlin inquired in confusion.

"Yes," Arthur answered, "I need to speak with you alone," _and get you away from those bottles._

Once the door had closed behind them, Merlin asked eagerly, "What is it you require, m'lord?"

"Merlin, I need you to drink this," Arthur said, holding the drug aloft.

Merlin's eyes widened in alarm. "But—Sire—"

"Do it," Arthur commanded.

"It is my place to serve, not to be served, sire," Merlin shook his head.

"I am not serving _you_," Arthur corrected, "By drinking this, you are serving _me_. In fact, this is the _best_ way you can serve me right now."

"But, m'lord, that doesn't make sense. I can't in good conscience drink that," Merlin said solemnly.

"If you don't, I'll make you," Arthur threatened.

Merlin stepped backward slowly, pursed his lips tightly, and shook his head vigorously. Arthur grabbed Merlin's wrists. Not wanting to risk dropping the bottle, Arthur quickly lost his grasp on the thrashing Merlin. Arthur then slammed Merlin's arms against his wriggling body. Merlin kneed Arthur between the legs. As Arthur keeled over in agony, Merlin bolted for the door. Arthur turned and leapt for Merlin. Grasping Merlin's wrist, Arthur roughly threw Merlin back toward the back of the room. In desperation, Merlin flung his free hand at the potion. The bottle slipped from Arthur's grip and smashed on the floor.

"Gaius!" Arthur yelped.

Suddenly, Merlin dropped to his knees. "I am dreadfully sorry, m'lord," Merlin wailed, "Punish me as you see fit, but I couldn't let you serve me!"

Gaius burst through the door. To Arthur's relief, Gaius carried five extra bottles. Knocking Merlin's head was the last thing Arthur wanted to do.

In horror, Merlin scrambled to his feet. They were NOT going to force him to be served!

Arthur smacked Merlin's chest, forcing the maniac on his back. Arthur held Merlin down with his foot. Gaius quickly handed Arthur another drug. Merlin thrashed his whole body and squeezed his mouth shut. Arthur roughly grabbed Merlin's nose and forced the liquid down the servant's throat.

After Merlin drank, he sobbed bitterly. He seemed to fight the effects before finally dropping into unconsciousness. Gaius handed Arthur the potion that caused this whole mess. It was finished.

_Meanwhile..._

After passing the third test, Anhora told Richard that burying the horn was necessary. This irritated Richard. It took them hours to find the dead, over-glorified horse... just so he could cut its horn off and bury it. They were only appeasing the old toad because he had shown he was capable of setting them back permanently.

When they had finally found the horse, Richard buried the horn as quickly as possible. Suddenly, Anhora's voice drifted over them, "When he who kills a unicorn proves himself pure of heart, then the unicorn shall live again."

Cara looked at her companions. She could tell they were thinking the same thing she was. "That doesn't make sense," She said with raised eyebrows.

_Later..._

Merlin's head pounded. Every inch of his body ached. Merlin moaned. He tried to open his eyes. They were swollen to slits.

"Merlin?" A kind voice—Gaius' voice said, "How do you feel?"

"Like I was trampled by a horse," Merlin grumbled. He heard what sounded like sighs of relief.

"It's good to hear you're feeling better," Another voice said. It was Arthur.

"Better? How is this better?" Merlin moaned incredulously, "Better than what exactly?"

There was an infinitely long pause. At least, it seemed that way to Merlin.

"Do you remember anything?" Gaius asked.

Merlin tried to think. That was difficult with a drumming head. Merlin jumped abruptly. "Ow," he moaned. Every muscle in his body screamed in protest to the sudden movement. Merlin couldn't speak. Surely that was his imagination. Struggling with Arthur... Chasing a rat about the room... Nearly jumping out the window—to eat it... Trying to lick a boot... Arthur's destroyed room—and gleefully cleaning it... No, none of that could be true.

"Merlin?" Arthur said.

"What was I thinking?" Merlin whined.

"I don't think you were," Arthur replied.

Merlin groaned. He had been a bootlicker... almost literally.

_Very late that night..._

Richard, Kahlan, Zedd, and Cara all completely ignored the 'lesson' from Anhora's test. After all, there was something wrong with that man.

They decided to take the only reasonable course of action. They disguised themselves with the mirror just before entering Camelot. Richard carried a large burlap sack over his shoulder as they crept through the streets. Finally, they reached the physician's home. Now all they needed to do was sneak pass the old man and steal his charge.

* * *

**Once again, we did not write the absurd amount detailed in the italicizes. _However, we did write the scene where Cara turns back into a human. _Clarification: It is only 2 paragraphs-(Fern, you wrote it. You should know.)-NOT 23 pages. It just didn't flow right with the Princess Bride style, so it was cut. However, we are willing to provide it in the next chapter's edition of "Author's Note." But you have to do something for it: review. Convince us that you love this fan-fic! That is all. (Constructive criticism is also very welcome.)**

**Speaking of constructive criticism, we will try to be a little bit more serious... but only a little.  
**


	6. Snatches

**Sorry, everyone, for taking so long. I hope none of you gave up on us. We swear we don't have writer's block**... **yet. We suffer from a serious case called 'life.'**

**_So, a few weeks ago, Morgana (not Katie McGrath, but Morgana herself) charged into our room and demanded that we give her more scenes in our spoof. The little turkey trashed our room before explaining herself. And out of fear for our lives, we have taken up the policy of appeasement. _Mentioning our room was not necessary, Fern... neither was lying. "Lies do not become us." (And, seriously, why did you have to mention our room!) As I said, we had to get past life before this chapter could be posted.**

**Anyway, please enjoy and review.  
**

* * *

The Legend of the Seeker crew, in disguise, slipped through the physician's door. Inside, they were confronted by a labyrinth and Gaius' snores. They picked their way through the tables and sundry objects.

_Thunk!_

In panic, the group scrambled to escape.

"Wait," Cara hissed suddenly, "he's still asleep."

The rest of the group looked back to see the physician still snoring. They released sighs of relief and resumed sneaking through the room. They tip-toed up the steps once they saw for certain that Merlin wasn't in the main room. Richard opened the door at the top of the steps. There was the target. With an exchange of nods, they silently agreed on taking positions. Kahlan and Cara stationed themselves at the door. Zedd strode to the bedside while Richard followed, preparing the burlap sack.

Merlin stirred slightly, but didn't change position. He laid on his back with his arm slung over his eyes. The kidnappers stood with baited breath for a moment.

Finally, Zedd hovered his outstretched hands over Merlin. Zedd began muttering incantations. Just before Zedd finished, Merlin groaned. He slightly shifted the arm over his eyes and flung his other arm over his body. Suddenly, the cupboard burst open. What few belongings Merlin owned attacked the intruders. After regaining their composure, Richard, Kahlan, and Cara stared at Zedd for an answer.

"The magic is keeping him asleep now," Zedd whispered, indicating that now wasn't the time for questions and explanations.

_Five minutes later..._

A Camelot guard walked to one of the small fire pits to warm his hands. Just another boring, routine night. Maybe the warning bell would sound. That could make this dull evening somewhat interesting.

A group of four people strolled through the street. They helped each other carry a large burlap sack. Whatever was in it was oddly shaped. Something poked at one end that strangely reminded the guard of a face. At the other end was something that bizarrely resembled a foot.

The guard shook his head. These people were probably just lugging rocks. Why they would want to do that at this hour was beyond the guard. Eh, whatever worked for them. Pity there wasn't an attractive lady in the group. The guard would have stopped and asked the contents of the bag as an excuse to talk to her. Seeing as there was nothing remotely interesting going on...

The guard decided to play dice.

Disoriented, Merlin awoke. His head and chest throbbed mercilessly. His muscles shrieked a protest to the events of the past two days. Merlin could hear two shrill voices yowling at each other. He caught the words, "training" and "footprint." Merlin moaned. Whomever they were, couldn't they just stuff it? Between Merlin's injuries and exhaustion, what had happened had not quite sunk in. As the unpleasant voices became even more shrill, Merlin found the will, but not the means, to clap his hands over his ears. His hands were tied... behind his back. It was actually putting quite a strain on his shoulders. As he tried to wiggle free, Merlin realized something even more peculiar. His fingers had been individually wrapped and bound together. "Why are my fingers tied?" Merlin heard himself say. As the world came into focus, he registered that he was on the ground... in the dirt. The screaming stopped. The screeches were replaced by a volley of hushed voices.

"Is he supposed to be awake?" said an edged woman's voice. Merlin felt a tremor of fear course through him. He wasn't sure where he had heard that voice before. He was just certain it meant bad things.

"No," an older voice replied, "The spell should have lasted for hours yet."

Merlin groaned. That voice was also unpleasantly familiar. Who were they? Their identities dangled just at the edge of his mind. If only he could get a good look at them... With a start, Merlin realized that his eyes were clamped shut. They were swollen from the irrational weeping from the day before. Merlin cracked his eyes open and immediately crunched them shut again. It was too painful.

"Why are my fingers tied?" Merlin muttered thickly again.

"We know what you're trying to do. You can stop now," said an arrogantly exasperated third voice.

Merlin cringed. He wasn't sure why, but with every new voice Merlin was more certain that he was in danger. All of these voices were familiar, but he just couldn't place them. Merlin scrunched his eyes tighter.

"Who—what-do-you-want?" Merlin's words slurred together, "Why-are-my-fingers-tied-together?" Merlin persisted. His mind wouldn't let him focus on anything but this strange fact: his fingers were individually wrapped and tied.

"You are aware it's a precaution." Merlin's eyes flew open at the sound of that chastising and sickly sweet voice. The light stabbed his eyes. He began to blink erratically. "We can't risk you attacking us with your magic," Kahlan finished.

The words barely registered. Terror welled inside Merlin. With sudden clarity Merlin realized he had been kidnapped—while he was weak. At least one of his captors had the power to bend others to her will. Merlin began to hyperventilate.

"Why are we wasting our time playing nice with him!" Cara's voice rang out snidely. "I'm going to train him!"

Merlin heard her step toward him. He turned his head to face her. He struggled to keep his stinging eyes open. He had to escape. Cara drew her agiel. Merlin's mind reeled. He would wait until she was about to strike. She inched closer. Merlin tried to edge away. His rib sent a wave of pain through his body.

Suddenly, Zedd spoke, "Cara, no. We might be able to reason with him."

"How can you say that?" Cara snapped, "You've heard how he idolizes that prince!"

Merlin snorted and his eyes widened. He did _not_ idolize Arthur! Arthur may be his friend, but Arthur was still a pompous dollophead.

"You saw that bruise on him. It looks as though his rib as broken," Richard said as though Merlin wasn't within earshot.

"He punted me!" Cara shouted.

Merlin racked his brain. He couldn't remember using magic so blatantly on any of them. And he was certain he couldn't punt her without magic.

Cara began shouting again, "If we untie his fingers, he'll try to use magic against us."

Merlin let out a snort of laughter that promptly turned into a grunt of pain. Did they really think that? He could use this to his advantage. Merlin focused on his pain to hide his amusement.

"Merlin," Kahlan, ignoring Cara's protest, said in her sickly sweet voice, "You can help end this. No one else has to be beaten the way you have."

Merlin pursed his lips. As much as he hated to admit it, the injuries were entirely his own fault. If Arthur and Gaius hadn't intervened, Merlin would have suffered an imminent death of starvation and/or exhaustion. A broken rib was a small price to pay for his life—especially considering that Merlin had made it all but impossible for anyone to help or save him. Merlin was grateful Arthur. He would have never thought he could be so grateful to someone for using brute force on him.

"I'm—I'm glad of my injuries!" Merlin declared assertively and with a slur. As he spoke, Merlin was certain his words came out wrong. His mind was too hazy to locate where the error was.

His captors stared at him coldly. Cara's eyes glinted with cold triumph. The other three gave him icy looks of shock.

"I deserved it," Merlin babbled incoherently. His captors' faces curled with disgust.

Richard turned to Kahlan and said, "You need to confess him." Kahlan gave him a slight nod. She stretched her arm.

"Wait! I want to train him!" Cara protested bloodthirstily.

"Cara!" Kahlan patronized, "That's inhumane. We are not committing such an act of unnecessary act of cruelty." That set off another argument.

Merlin squirmed, trying to loose his bonds. He didn't know what "training" was. They seemed to think it was worse than "confession." If confession was what Merlin thought it was, he didn't see how that was possible. He tried to comprehend the idea of something worse than being controlled. But, between his aching body and din of arguing voices, he couldn't fathom it.

Why was he trying to figure this out, anyway? These are the same people who think he needs his fingers to use magic! His fingers. The thought struck him strongly. Without knowing exactly why he began to desperately pretend to focus on freeing his fingers. Meanwhile, Cara began to scream louder and more emphatically to be allowed to train Merlin. Amongst the shouting and screaming Merlin was able to catch snatches of the arguments. Cara at one point shrieked, "He'll be controlled either way!"

Suddenly, Merlin realized that none of his captors were paying the slightest attention to him. Merlin muttered a spell under his breath. Suddenly, a loud rumbling noise drowned out the argument. The combatants scrambled to avoid being squished by a falling tree.

After nimbly dodging the tree's path, Cara turned just in time to see Merlin pull himself up. He used a nearby tree for support. His hands were no longer bound. His face bore a mask of defiance.

Cara charged. Merlin lifted his hand and muttered a spell. _Fool!_ She thought as she lifted her hand to deflect the spell back at that miserable pipsqueak.

_Thud!_

Both Cara and Merlin slammed into the ground. Cara panicked. Why had her powers failed her?

Merlin's heartbeat rattled his whole chest. His spell didn't work right. Cara should have gone flying through the forest. Merlin scrambled to his feet. Adrenaline coursing through his veins, he fled back to Camelot.

Arthur again woke earlier than he would have liked. For a moment Arthur expected to hear Merlin's usual "Rise and shine." When nothing but silence greeted him, Arthur opened his eyes. The sight of the room was an instant, wretched reminder of the past few days.

Arthur pulled himself out of bed. He sleepily shuffled to the wardrobe. As he opened the wardrobe, Arthur realized a terrible fact. He had no clean clothes. The only fabric in the room that wasn't coated in mud was the clothes Arthur wore yesterday. He could wear them again. However, they were beginning to stink and need a good washing. He would just wear the stinky clothes until he could get rid of the mud.

Now, how was Arthur going to arrange for his clothes to be cleaned? Merlin couldn't do it; he needed to rest. Arthur didn't want a random servant to know the slightest bit about this. That only left Gwen. Arthur was _not _going to have her do it. Arthur stared at the fabric that was stashed behind the screen. Arthur figured he could clean one of the shirts. He certainly didn't want to. But what other choice did he have? Besides, it couldn't be _that_ hard. Merlin was just a whiner.

Arthur snatched one of the shirts, sat at the end of his bed, and started scrubbing. (Unwittingly, he only rubbed the stains in deeper.) After several minutes of toiling, Arthur heard the bedroom door open. Panicked, Arthur dropped the filthy shirt. He looked up to see his father enter.

"What are you doing, Arthur?" Uther asked, staring at the soiled shirt.

"Uh, I was just wishing Merlin was here to clean it," Arthur rambled, wishing he had an excuse that didn't sound so dumb. He scooped up the shirt and walked toward the fireplace. Arthur tried to look casual. He only wanted to draw his father away from the possibility of seeing behind the screen.

Uther gave an odd look. "Shouldn't he be here?" Uther's eyes trailed around the room, noting the muddy walls and floor, and the lack of drapes.

"He's ill."

"I saw him in the halls. He looked fresh from the stables. I would have thought even he would realize what needs are more," Uther paused indicating the room, "pressing."

Arthur felt the blood drain from his face. Merlin fresh from the stables? Was the effects of the potion not completely gone?

"Are you alright, Arthur?" Uther asked.

"Yes," Arthur answered quickly, "What was it you needed?"

Uther left his son's messy room. Sometimes Uther wondered why Arthur didn't replace that stupid, lazy, and incompetent servant... or at least punish him!

"You," Uther said commandingly to a passing servant.

"Yes, your majesty," the man immediately bowed.

"Prince Arthur needs a temporary replacement for his manservant. See to his needs," Uther ordered. Maybe this servant would be at least somewhat competent. Then Arthur might see sense.

As the king left, the servant knocked on on Prince Arthur's door. The door cracked open. The prince stuck his head out.

The servant bowed. "The king requested that I tend to your needs."

"That won't be necessary," Prince Arthur replied, "I don't wish to be disturbed."

"Yes, Sire," the servant bowed again. He resumed walking down the corridor to his usual, everyday tasks. If the prince didn't want to be disturbed now, then the servant could always carry out the king's order later.

Once the servant was out of sight, Arthur walked briskly toward Gaius' chambers. Arthur had to be certain whether or not his father had seen Merlin.

Arthur barged into Gaius' chambers.

"Where is he?" Arthur shouted.

Gaius scowled, "If you bring Merlin into work today, high treason or not, I will kill you."

Arthur stared, taken aback. He had never known Gaius to make such threats.

"I want to see Merlin," Arthur insisted matter-of-factly.

"I'm sorry, but he's resting," Gaius countered.

"Are you sure?"

Without waiting for an answer, Arthur marched past Gaius. He opened Merlin's bedroom door. Arthur stared in surprise. Merlin was resting in his bed on his stomach. However, he was covered in dirt, leaves, and burs. Merlin's feet, which hung far off the bed, were cut and dirty.

Gaius entered, prepared to flame Arthur with the evidence that Merlin needed to be left alone. Whatever Gaius had planned to say morphed into this:

"Merlin, what happened?"

"I was kidnapped under your nose!" Merlin moaned.

"Who kidnapped you?" Gaius asked without thinking. What if Merlin said something that gave away his secret?

"The crazy people. They wrapped each of my fingers. They _think_ that can stop a sorcerer from using magic," Merlin tried to use his hand expressively.

"How would you know whether or not that stops magic, Merlin?" Gaius tried to hint to Merlin. That boy might as well be confessing to Arthur.

"What? Gaius—"

"You're still asleep aren't you, Merlin?" Gaius hastily cut across Merlin's words. However, it might be too late to salvage the situation.

"I am NOT asleep!" Merlin tried to shout.

"Yes, we can all see that, Merlin," Arthur said sarcastically.

"Arthur," Merlin's head snapped up an inch. _Good, _Gaius thought, _he realizes what he almost did. _Merlin then buried his head back into the mattress, which muffled his voice. "I'm _not_ going to work! I'm not!"

"I don't want you to. In fact, why would anyone kidnap you? You're not even a good servant," Arthur prodded for more of a reaction from Merlin.

Merlin groaned. He babbled incoherently. Arthur caught only small snatches, including: "I don't know," and something about screaming, "training" (did he hear that one right?), mind control, arguing, and tied fingers. Then:

"And they think I idolize you. They think I idolize a condescending, self-absorbed clotpole!"

"You idolize me?" Arthur smirked. Merlin walked right into this one. "We all thought it was the potion. You were actually idolizing me on purpose," Arthur taunted.

"Merlin needs to rest," Gaius intervened. He scowled at Arthur to leave.

"Alright," Arthur turned to leave. Just as he went through the door Arthur shouted, "Once you're well, my boots need cleaning."

Arthur strutted through the halls, feeling pleased with himself. But he was bothered by the fact that Merlin was kidnapped. Why would anyone want to kidnap him? And how did he escape? Merlin feeling well and escaping would have been a wonder. But this... it seemed impossible. Arthur couldn't decide whether Merlin being kidnapped or Merlin inexplicably escaping was more bothersome.

"Guinevere," Arthur said delightedly at the sight of the loveliest woman he knew. Seeing that no one was around, he pulled her aside. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. You were right. Something was wrong with Merlin. It's been taken care of... mostly."

"Mostly?" Gwen raised her eyebrows.

Arthur explained that Merlin dumped a potion on himself and about the struggle to make Merlin drink said potion. He then added, "We're going to need a cover story. I don't want everyone to think I beat my servants. How do we explain the broken rib and rope burns?"

"Why does Merlin have rope burns?" Gwen asked incredulously. She couldn't imagine that Arthur would actually tie up Merlin.

"He was kidnapped last night," Arthur paused. He considered telling her who the kidnappers were. However, he worried that her knowing would cause her unnecessary worry. On the other hand, thinking random bandits had kidnapped Merlin could be just as worrisome. Frankly, Arthur hadn't planned on telling Gwen about the kidnapping anyway. He would rather simply catch the nuisances and end this issue entirely. Gwen would no longer have reason to worry. However, if this was going to drag on, then Gwen had every right to know all the details.

"Why would anyone kidnap Merlin?" Gwen rolled the idea over in her head. Whoever did it was not picking a random target for slave trade. A slave trader wouldn't need or want to search past the lower town for victims-if they even dared to enter the city. Merlin lived in the court physician's home which was in the castle itself. Whoever targeted Merlin was after more than a simple slave trade profit. But why else would someone want to kidnap Merlin? What could Merlin have possibly done to deserve such attention?

"They must be insane. They're also incompetent, because Merlin managed to escape," Arthur side-stepped the question. If they truly were so incompetent, then catching them shouldn't be too hard. Arthur could stop them before they had the chance to give Gwen anymore cause to worry. "Merlin's alright, but we need an explanation for the rope burns. For some reason they tied his individual fingers, so..." Arthur trailed off. He decided it best to not mention the reasoning behind the finger binding. Arthur was appalled by how many people were stupid enough to believe Merlin could possibly be a sorcerer.

"I've got it!" Arthur clapped. "I didn't realize Merlin was ill. He was scrubbing my drapes—which would explain the finger rope burns. He was carrying them away, at some point, and he fell down the stairs. The drapes ended up getting tangled around him—his wrists especially. If anyone asks, you could say you witnessed this. You could even say that, before he fell, you heard him insist he was fine when I tried to ask if he was feeling unwell."

"Arthur, I..." Gwen didn't want to burst his bubble but... "I really don't think this is a good idea."

"I'd love a better idea. Please tell me you have one," Arthur responded hopefully.

Gwen hesitated, hoping to be suddenly struck by brilliance, before answering, "No, I don't."

Morgana wandered about her room wishing Morgause would contact her. Morgause always had the most glorious plans to overthrow Camelot. Morgana was eager to implement another one. Maybe Morgana could cook up her own plan. No... She couldn't do that because she couldn't think of anything. There was no obvious machination for her to tamper with. And even if Morgana could come up with something elaborate, she wouldn't carry it out without consulting Morgause. She spent another five minutes pondering what schemes she could concoct before finally giving up. As her mind drifted to the virtues of brushing her hair, Gwen returned.

Gwen's face was a poorly concealed mask of worry. Morgana's heart leapt. Maybe she would get a chance to bring Camelot to its knees after all. Morgana suppressed an unwarranted smirk.

"Whatever is the matter, Gwen?" She inquired fakely.

Gwen hastily babbled, explaining that Merlin was hurt. Morgana turned away to hide her glee from Gwen. Between Gwen's babbling and Morgana's exhilaration, Morgana didn't hear much else. She caught snatches about "illness," and "a terrible fall down the stairs." Morgana forced her face into a fake mold of concern.

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Morgana's eyes grew wide and her lower jaw twitched as she lied. She placed her hand on Gwen's arm as a sign of comfort. Inwardly, Morgana was formulating a plan that would give Gwen cause to weep.

Gwen gave Morgana a taunt smile. Quickly, Gwen resumed her duties to avoid anymore chat on the unpleasant subject. Surprisingly, Morgana seemed to buy Arthur's ridiculous story. How Gwen had made that story sound plausible, she had no idea. She just didn't want to destroy the effect by overdoing it.

Morgana moved to a window. As she stared out the window, a nasty plan began to lay itself out before her. It was an opportunity to inconspicuously kill Merlin. The idea was too wonderful to pass up. Sure, it wouldn't get her any closer to overthrowing Camelot, but it would be fun. The revenge, and Gwen, Arthur, and Gaius' reactions to Merlin's sudden death would surely be priceless. Morgana couldn't help it—she smirked.

* * *

**We promise the next chapter will be up soon. Proof: we know its title already. (We usually pick it two seconds before posting the chapter.)_ Didn't you just point out that "Lies do not become us"? :P (By the way, kudos if you know what that's from). We usually pick the name while you're transcribing it into the computer. That takes anywhere from a few hours to a few days. However, Zab is right that we have the chapter name: Murphy's Law._**

**But we digress. Back to the point.**

**Please review. And please don't give up on us.  
**


	7. Murphy's Law

**We told you we'd get it up quickly!**

**Now, it's time for us to grovel at your feet. Last chapter, we forgot to publicly thank the reviewers. We are very sorry. We make amends now. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed!_ Or given other forms of feedback!_**

**Enjoy!_  
_**

* * *

The Legend of the Seeker crew sat in a destroyed clearing. They had come to the conclusion that a plan of some sort needed to be executed with haste.

"Cara, are you sure you didn't see anything while you were spying on Prince Arthur that could help?" Richard asked searchingly.

Cara gave him an exasperated look. This seemed the hundredth time her companions had asked that. "Yes, I'm sure." Her voice took on a swift tempo, "The first day their talk was mostly 'clean this!' exchanging insults, and expressions of admiration for beautiful women. I've already told you all the important details." Cara took a breath. "Second day, Merlin was very subservient, and Arthur whimsically trashed his own bedroom. Have I missed anything? I think not!"

"I'm sorry you had to put up with that," Kahlan said, trying to soothe Cara.

Cara raised her eyebrows. "Actually, it was a nice change from what I usually have to listen to." She clasped her hands together and stared at the sky. She then said in a high, squeaky voice, "I love you, Richard!" She dropped her voice low as she could, "I love you, Kahlan." Cara put her voice back into its usual octave, "I wish we could be together!" She puckered her lips and made kissy noises.

* * *

Arthur strode into his room once more. He wondered if he could and should have let bootlicking Merlin clean this mess before curing him. Arthur could have saved Merlin immediately after saving himself the embarrassment of the room's state.

Suddenly, Arthur noticed that somebody was crouching beside the screen.

"What are you doing?" Arthur demanded while drawing his sword.

The man bolted to his feet. It was the servant that offered services earlier. He clutched the muddy drapes in one hand while sputtering in horror for an excuse, "I-I'm s-sorry, m'Lord. The king ordered me to t-tend to your needs."

Someone had seen the mess. Arthur clenched is teeth to suppress a groan. Now, the story would spread that the crown prince plays in mud. Wait, Arthur didn't actually have to worry about that. He knew how to keep a man quiet. Not only that, this was actually a opportunity.

"Don't worry about it." Arthur sheathed his sword and watched relief flood into the servant's face before adding, "Now you can clean this mess up. I do this when I'm angry," Arthur indicated the muddy atrocity. "And if you tell _anyone _about this, I'll have you in the stocks for a month... maybe even two. I'll make your life a living hell. Is that understood?"

The wide-eyed servant nodded vigorously. "Yes, Sire!" His voice nearly squeaked from fear.

"Good," Arthur smiled and patted the frightened servant's shoulder. "You can start by cleaning my shirts, then you can..." Arthur rattled off a long list of chores, starting with the issues Arthur had self-inflicted. He then added, "And remember, _nobody _can know about _any_ of this... unless you greatly fancy the stocks... among other things."

* * *

Morgana felt drunk with happiness. She was having trouble keeping her face straight. The first stages of her plan had been implemented. Morgana had arranged for a tragic accident to occur. Some poor man's wagon was overturned because his horses got spooked. That man and several others were seriously injured. To treat them, Gaius would have to leave Merlin alone. Now, all Morgana had to do was detach Gwen, and Merlin was as good as dead.

"Morgana."

Morgana turned. It was Arthur. If she wasn't so annoyed, Morgana would have noticed that Arthur sounded exceptionally chirpy.

"Yes, Arthur?" Morgana replied, pretending to be happy to see her half-brother.

The next half hour was incredibly frustrating. Morgana would hint, rather forcibly, that she wanted him to go away. Arthur, however, seemed more oblivious than usual. She had never heard him stretch small talk so far. What was worse was that he didn't even look interested in speaking to her. Every chance Arthur got, he would look past Morgana. Honestly, if she didn't know better, she would think Arthur knew her plan.

After Arthur eagerly looked over her shoulder for what seemed the millionth time, Morgana snapped.

"Arthur?" Morgana tried to sound warm. "Is something bothering you? You seem distracted."

Arthur raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Ah... no," Arthur paused, "It's... just a lovely view."

Morgana furrowed her brow. "It's muddy out there," she snapped.

Arthur shrugged. "Well, sometimes mud looks nice," he said philosophically.

"Arthur!" Morgana said sharply, "Have you been visiting Bartholomew?"

"Who?"

"Surely you've heard of him. The nutjob that fancies he can help people with their emotional problems."

"So?"

"Everyone who goes to see him comes out acting drunk. Then, they follow his hair-brained advice," she explained hastily. Then, she added nastily, "I was just wondering if you have become one of his patrons."

"Seeing as I haven't heard of him until today..." Arthur glared at Morgana, "But it does beg the question, where did you hear about him?"

"I'm just better informed than you."

"Oh, yes. I forgot. All you do all day is gossip."

Arthur and Morgana argued viciously. Gwen tried to think of an inconspicuous way to excuse herself. At first, Gwen had found Arthur's conversation with Morgana rather pleasing. Much of what Arthur said was for Gwen's benefit. Now, she just wanted an excuse to slip off. Salvation came in the form of a messenger.

"Prince Arthur. Lady Morgana. The king has requested your presences in the council chamber."

* * *

"I am NOT hiding in the back! I have spent enough time smothered by luggage. I will drive the cart."

"Cara," Zedd patronized, "I'm an old man. You wouldn't want to force my creaky old body into the back, would you?"

"You're old. That's exactly why you should ride in the back," Cara retorted, "You need to lie down."

"They wouldn't suspect anything from an old man," Zedd persisted.

Cara snorted, "If they lift the hood, you aren't exactly a charmer."

"I am not that ugly!"

Richard and Kahlan wondered if and when they should intervene. For Richard and Kahlan, it was never a question of whether either of them would drive the cart. If the hood was pulled, they would be recognized. Zedd was young and Cara was a guinea pig when the group ran from the guards. Neither would be recognized. However, Kahlan and Richard didn't expect their companions to debate over who would be more likely to keep the cart from being searched.

Kahlan leaned to whisper in Richard's ear, "Should we just let both ride up front?"

Richard smirked, "Nah, I want to see how this turns out."

* * *

Uther finally dismissed the council. Morgana didn't care how overly eager she looked as she darted away. There was no way of telling exactly how long the mess outside would keep Gaius occupied. It might already be too late.

When Morgana finally reached Gaius' home, she eagerly grabbed the door handle and pushed. It didn't budge. Morgana could barely contain her panic. Gaius never locked his door. It was beginning to seem as though fate was conspiring to stop her from ending Merlin.

She shoved again. The door budged slightly. Something was propping it closed. Morgana checked to be sure she was alone before forcing the door open. Morgana stumbled in, past the rearranged furniture.

"Gaius," she called innocently, just in case.

No answer. Morgana smirked. _Victory, _she thought. She hurried to the potions, looking for a poison. She passed by many extremely slow and painful poisons in favor of one specifically labeled 'poison.' Morgana was almost giddy. She stepped onto the bottom stair leading to Merlin's room.

_Thud!_

Morgana turned to see Gaius. She forced a smile, laughing lightly, "I just came because I had trouble sleeping last night."

Gaius stared at her. "So you thought you'd treat yourself," He indicated the bottle in her hand. Gaius walked toward her.

Morgana laughed nervously, "Well, I thought—" But before she could finish, Gaius plucked the poison from her hand.

"It's a good thing I came when I did. This would have gotten you to sleep." Morgana couldn't conceal the surprise on her face. "But, it would have been permanent."

Gaius walked over to his potions and selected a sleeping draft. "Take this," he said, pretending to buy her bogus story, "You seem a bit disoriented. Would you like someone to escort you to your chamber?"

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you almost walked into Merlin's room."

"Oh, you're right. I'm so tired," Morgana laughed, "But I think I can make it."

She hurried as fast as she dared out of the room. As soon as the door closed behind Morgana, Gaius rushed to check on Merlin.

* * *

That evening, a horse dragged a cart with a hooded figure into Camelot.

Cara managed to convince her companions that she should drive the cart by pointing out that being searched was less likely if she drove. It would be easy. All she'd have to was bat her eyelashes and most men melted like butter. (Either out of fear or lust.) Most men... Cara wouldn't admit it to any of them, but she was afraid. If appeal failed, she couldn't use intimidation without risking a premature battle.

_Clung-clunk!_

They went over a bump in the road. Cara resisted the urge to laugh as she turned to make sure the others were still concealed. They were fine. Probably a bit miffed (especially Zedd), but none the less fine. She continued toward the main square.

At long last, Cara pulled the wagon to a stop. She leaped off the cart. She took note of the surroundings. There was another wagon in the main square. It was brimming with barrels and without an animal attached.

"My," She feigned contemplation, "the main square is lovely."

At that signal, Cara's three companions bounded out of the wagon.

* * *

Merlin clutched his head and rolled over. His head pounded furiously at the racket. Merlin groaned. He clamped his eyes tighter, trying to ignore the wretched ringing.

Suddenly, Merlin realized what the mind raking noise was. He tore himself out of bed. _The warning bell. Arthur. He might be in trouble._

Merlin stumbled across the room. Nearly collapsing, he clutched the door frame for support. Merlin closed his eyes. In a deep breath, he drew the strength and will to continue. He flung his hand onto the door handle and opened the door. Bracing both arms on a wall, Merlin staggered down the steps.

"Gaius," Merlin called out. No answer.

Merlin bumped and tumbled through the obstacle course. He leaped from object to object for support. Merlin had hoped Gaius could provide a tonic. But even without one, Merlin knew he would be alright.

Merlin staggered through the Camelot corridors. Finally, he found the source of the commotion. Merlin winced. Amongst the many red bearing chainmail figures was Richard and his original three companions. Richard dueled Arthur and killed all knights that came near. The other three members of the band surrounded Arthur and killed their way in separate directions away from the duelists. Merlin searched for a sign of the young wizard or any other accomplices the crazy people might have picked up.

Richard was unhappily impressed with Arthur's prowess with a sword. Very few people existed that could give Richard such a challenge. He was beginning to worry Arthur would beat him. It didn't help that Richard's main objective was to clear the way of guards for Kahlan to confess Arthur. They needed to confess Arthur in such a way that no one would realize what really happened. It needed to look simply like a kidnapping, nothing more.

"Kahlan!" Richard hollered in desperation as he killed the last guard in Arthur's vicinity, "NOW!"

As Kahlan dashed, Merlin searched frantically for a way to stop her. Merlin almost used blatant magic when he spotted another solution. His eyes flashed gold as he croaked the needed magical words.

A horse cried and plunged directly into the fray, dragging a cart behind it. Everyone scattered. Then, the battle immediately clashed once more without regard to its rearranged pieces. Merlin watched as Richard began to drive Arthur toward a corner.

Richard fought to press the battle back into his favor. More soldiers poured into the courtyard. If his group didn't isolate Arthur quickly all would be lost. They couldn't risk capture or death.

As the soldiers began thinning once more, Richard noticed that Arthur was maneuvering himself into a dead end. _Just as well, _Richard thought as Arthur's movements forced them past a wagon load of barrels. If Arthur was stupid enough to trap himself, it would make this task easier even without the cart.

Arthur didn't have time to look pleased that the invaders were taking the bait. Arthur realized he was taking a risk. If none of his men recognized the direness of the situation that he was backing himself into a corner... But what else could Arthur do? Too many of the knights were dying. To save lives and win the battle, Arthur had to trick the attackers into getting surrounded.

Arthur almost reached the corner. Everything was falling neatly (or not so neatly) into place. Just then, Arthur changed his mind. He ran.

Richard fancied he heard a crack behind him. Suddenly, Arthur and some of his men openly fled. Relieved, Richard was about to press his advantage when he heard a strange rumbling noise. Then everything went black.

Merlin's will to stand collapsed. He had done what he left his wonderful bed for. Camelot was safe. Just as Merlin had hoped, the crazy people got flattened by magically stampeding barrels. Merlin slid to the floor, nearly blacking out.

"Wrap and tie their fingers," Arthur ordered.

"My Lord?" One of knights questioned.

"Just do it." Arthur would explain this to his father later. He would of course leave the bit about Merlin out, lest Uther get any ridiculous ideas or dismiss the idea completely due to Merlin to being an idiot. Arthur didn't worry much about the latter. His father was unlikely to put the effort into telling the knights to untie their fingers. It was the criticism that would be unbearable. Uther was probably going to criticize Arthur anyway for "trusting second-hand rumor." To that, Arthur would reply that there was nothing to lose in this case. If this rumor doesn't work, then the prisoners will be a little more uncomfortable for no reason. Arthur had no problem with that. After all, those creatures did terrify Gwen, kidnap Merlin, and kill many knights.

Suddenly, somebody screamed. One of the knights clutched his wrist.

"Sire," the knight breathed, "the witch's club. It cannot be lifted."

"Stand guard over it," Arthur answered firmly, "We'll try to move it after the prisoners are taken to the dungeons and I report to the king."

Arthur led the knights into the citadel. He ordered that the prisoners be taken to the dungeons. Arthur walked briskly up the steps. His duty was to report to his father.

Arthur hardly paid attention to where he was going. He knew the way blindfolded. As he walked, he mulled the recent events over in his mind. Arthur wondered what this renegade group wanted with him. It was obvious by their tactics, that Arthur was the intended target. He didn't get the feeling they wanted him dead. Arthur felt certain that this wasn't a simple assassination mission or play to take Camelot by force. Did they hope to ransom Arthur? That didn't quite make sense considering their tactics. But then, stranger things have happened. They did kidnap Merlin. And why did that man call for the dark-haired girl—Kahlan? There had to be a reason other than back up—she was a wretched fighter who was probably only alive because the knights didn't want to kill a woman. Maybe she was supposed to drug Arthur... And then the lucky—or unlucky—incidents. Arthur didn't like how dependent the victory was on the timing of the barrels. Or how the horse and cart's timing conveniently prevented Arthur from finding out exactly what Kahlan intended to do. These events were too coincidental.

Arthur's foot snagged on something, breaking his thoughts. He skipped forward to avoid falling. Arthur looked back to see a figure slumped against the wall.

"Merlin?" The figure's head lifted. Arthur then demanded, "What are you doing here? Get back to bed!"

"Had... to help," Merlin breathed.

Arthur rolled his eyes. Why had he expected a reasonable answer from Merlin? Arthur knew he ought to know better by now than to ever expect a reasonable answer from his servant. (It was one of Merlin's more undesirable traits.) However, that didn't stop Arthur from hoping.

Merlin smirked, "I saved your life." Arthur couldn't decide whether this was Merlin talking, or if something Gaius might have prescribed for the pain was getting to Merlin's head. Psh, the previous. Merlin didn't need drugs to be stupid.

"This isn't the time for your ridiculous sense of humor, Merlin. Get back to bed."

"This is comfortable enough," Merlin mumbled.

"That's good," Arthur could resist replying, "because I want you to sleep here from now on."

To Arthur's disappointment, Merlin didn't argue. Merlin had already fallen asleep.

Arthur certainly wasn't going to carry Merlin through the corridors. On the way to see the king, Arthur would just find someone to help the idiot servant.

* * *

Morgana hefted a jug of wine. One good thing had come of her disastrous attempt on Merlin's life. She had dumped the sleeping draft into the wine.

Morgana felt a sense of excitement. She had watched the battle from her chamber window. Those people were effective. And, they didn't seem to like Uther much. That made them the perfect allies. She couldn't wait to tell Morgause.

As Morgana descended the stairs, she smirked at the thought of what she was about to do.

* * *

**Please review. Reviews are amazing, even if the feedback isn't positive.**

**_Merry Christmas (or Happy Holidays if you prefer) and a Happy New Year!_**

**P.S. Bartholomew is NOT making an appearance. Mentioning him at all is an inside joke. If you want it explained to you, feel free to ask._  
_**


	8. Have You Heard?

**"Have you heard? There's a rumor in St. Petersburg!" _"Have you heard what they're singing on the streets!"_ Yes, we are making references to animated musicals. We're that awesome :P**

**Thank you to all who gave us feedback! We love it so much!  
**

**Enjoy!**

**EDIT: Remember how we said that this story could bounce between serious and absurd? This chapter is more on the absurd side. There are important plot details in this one, though. However, the events in here are very much a hyperbole of what we think would really happen.  
**

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* * *

**Arthur Pendragon, the crown prince of Camelot, pursed his lips in frustration. He had spent most of last night unsuccessfully chasing after escaped prisoners. As it was nearing the morning's death, Arthur stood in the council chamber. Behind him stood Merlin who was barely healthy enough to return to work. They stared towards Uther and Morgana while listening to a stream of testimonies concerning the escaped prisoners. After every knight who had any sort of run in with the escapees stated their observations, the rest of the testimonials proved useless, even Gaius'. Arthur sighed inwardly. At least Gaius had the decency to admit he didn't know anything of value about about them! For the past two hours they'd been bombarded by ridiculous theories from courtiers and commoners alike. If Arthur wanted to listen to hair-brained ideas he'd have gone to tavern and stayed sober the entire time.

"I understand that the old sorcerer is the leader," said a young courtier who by all accounts fancied herself an intellectual. "I'm certain that the other three are his thralls." (Arthur doubted that.) The courtier moved her hands expressively, "The young man must have sold his soul to the wizard!" Arthur pressed his fist to his mouth as the woman babbled on, "The woman in white is a ghost conjured by the wizard's dark powers."

Arthur bit back several humiliating remarks. _Why? _He cursed silently, W_hy doesn't my father send me back looking for those violent, magical psychos? _Right now, he hated Sir Leon for leading the search while Arthur rotted in the council chamber.

"There is no doubt the one in red is a succubus."

Arthur heard Merlin let out a muffled snort that was quickly followed by a grunt of pain. Arthur couldn't quite remember what a succubus was. It seemed like it was some sort of mythical demon. Arthur could hear his servant shuffle his feet. It seemed that Merlin, however, did know what a succubus was.

Just as Arthur was telling himself that no one would take this stupid theory seriously, he realized something unspeakable. Uther was completely buying into this ridiculous theory. _No, _Arthur thought, _This. Stops. Here._

"How did you come by this information?" Arthur asked.

The courtier replied with several strings of 'I heard from so-and-so, who heard it from what's-his-face, who heard it from John Doe...' This seemed to go on forever until Uther finally dismissed the courtier, stating that he had heard enough.

Actually, after the knights and Gaius had finished their testimonials, there was one interesting piece of information. Just one. One commoner, amongst all the rubbish he spewed, mentioned in passing that the escaped prisoners had asked about Merlin quite a bit. Uther asked Merlin what he knew about the sorcerers. Merlin replied that he was cornered a few times. He said that they were insane; most of what they said might as well been gibberish. To this, Uther gave Merlin a look that said, _This coming from you? You don't have a brain._

_

* * *

_Merlin walked gingerly through the halls, trying to finish his chores with as little pain as possible. He probably wasn't going to be able to finish his work today. And, Arthur had already tried to send him back to bed. Merlin didn't care. The whole point of working today was to prevent Arthur from being overly vulnerable to whatever the psychos in the woods planned next.

As if getting his chores done wasn't long and arduous enough, every gossip in the castle would sidetrack Merlin. He was losing count of the absurd stories he was hearing. Some of them even topped the ridiculousness of the ones he heard in the council chamber. Also, Cara's sticks had earned dozens of names overnight: the witch's sticks, the burning red clubs, the death sticks, the witch's torture toys... There were even heated debates over which name was more appropriate. To this Merlin would suggest to simply call it "the don't touch me sticks." This suggestion wasn't very appreciated by most people.

Worst of all, Merlin couldn't flee easily. He silently bemoaned this fact especially when someone he particularly disliked would stop him. Merlin didn't mind talking to most of the people who stopped to talk to him. What bothered Merlin was that a single errand took absurdly long to complete. He had already tried using the being busy working for Arthur excuse... multiple times. It didn't work. Instead of simply leaving, the person would tag along out of pity. They would good-naturedly hope to lighten Merlin's burden. It was nice and thoughtful of them. But little did they know, their "help" was actually a hindrance... a hindrance accompanied by ear-burning gossip.

The sorcerers wanted to curse the cattle into growing extra heads. They teach ducks to speak. They transformed some of the knights' heads into pumpkins. The wizard melted stones into manure. One man just got better from having been turned into a newt by the wizard. The intruders were trying to rob the vaults. They were even in league with goblin locked within the vaults. One of women was the goblin's lover.

Not every story was absolutely ridiculous. Some were impressively near the mark, but plenty weren't. Merlin didn't bother trying to refute any of the tall tales. Doing so never shut anybody up. Besides, Merlin would plenty to laugh about with Gaius tonight.

However, the most shocking rumor had nothing to do with the crazy crew.

One servant secretively pulled Merlin aside.

"You're Prince Arthur's manservant?" Was it Merlin's imagination, or did this man's voice have an edge of awe to it?

"Yes," Merlin answered. He stared in confusion at the other servant's behavior.

"How..." The servant glanced around. "Do you deal with his temper?"

"I usually duck and run," Merlin replied slowly, still completely baffled. Before Merlin could ask 'why,' the other servant cut in.

"He throws mud at you!" Merlin wasn't sure he heard that right.

"What?"

"I knew threw mud around his room, but at people?" The servant shook his head. "I don't know how you handle it. I've got to go back to work. Good luck."

Merlin stared speechlessly at the retreating servant. Merlin still hadn't fully registered what he had heard. Had they been talking about different people? No, that servant specifically said 'Prince Arthur.' Since when did Arthur willingly touch mud? That is, without some tactical advantage involved, such as hiding in the mud until the right moment to strike. Merlin couldn't imagine a reason for Arthur to fling mud around his room. Merlin knew that allowing mud to be tracked into the room might as well be an invitation for scolding and flying objects.

Once Merlin finally managed to make his way back to Arthur's chambers, Merlin was greeted by the room's usual state. No mud. Not a trace of it.

"So, Arthur," Merlin voiced, "you like to throw mud around your room?"

"How did you find out about that?" Arthur blurted out before he could stop himself.

"So it's true. I didn't know you liked mud so much."

"I don't. Where did you hear this?"

"Should I bring you some mud, Sire?" Merlin asked in a mock-innocent voice.

"You haven't answered my question," Arthur responded sharply. Arthur just wanted to make sure Merlin hadn't heard this from anyone other than the replacement servant. As long as Merlin was the only one he had told, that other servant could have a reprieve from punishment.

"You didn't answer my question either," Merlin replied impertinently.

"I asked first. And, besides, I'm in charge. I don't have to answer your questions, but it's your job to answer mine."

Merlin relented, "I don't know him." Merlin then added as a semi-helpful alternative to the name, "He was a servant."

"What do you mean you don't know him?"

"There are a lot of servants, Arthur. I know the ones I tend to bump into on errands. I don't have time to be familiar with anyone else."

"You run errands for Gaius," Arthur countered, "You must know everyone in Camelot by now."

"Going by that logic, you do too. Is there a single person's house you haven't searched?"

Arthur's face burned a warning signal.

"I don't know him, Arthur. But, he does seem to think I ought to be sainted for putting up with you. What did you do to him?"

"Nothing. I made him clean the mud, and I threatened to put him in the stocks."

"That's it?" Merlin laughed, then suppressed a pained grunt. "Why was there mud in here anyway?"

Arthur didn't like the way the situation reversed on him. Instead of the master interrogating the servant (as it should be), the servant was interrogating the master.

"That's none of your business," Arthur snapped.

"Maybe I'll tell Gwen that her prince likes to fling mud around his room," Merlin taunted.

"She already knows." Arthur sounded slightly pained.

"Really?" Merlin asked in surprise. Then, taking advantage of this information, Merlin asked, "Do you think she would tell me about it?"

Arthur paled slightly, "Of course not!"

"I'm gonna ask her," Merlin threatened with a smile.

"No, you're not," Arthur ordered, "You're fixing my armor. I need it for guard duty tonight."

* * *

As Gwen scurried off to complete some menial tasks her pathetic station required of her, Morgana crossed the room to her chest of drawers. She slid open the top drawer and lifted a set of keys from within. The same set of keys she had stolen in order to steal the crystal of Neahtid. Morgana smirked. She couldn't believe no one had gone through her stuff and found this during the year she was missing.

Satisfied, Morgana replaced the keys. Even though the keys obviously weren't going anywhere, she liked to check. It was an (unnecessary) reminder of what she planned for tonight. Also, looking at and feeling them again was, in a sense, a comfort. Morgana broke into the vaults once. No one caught her. She could do it again.

* * *

Tap, tap, tap.

"I can't believe how incorrigible everyone is today!" Arthur complained to his manservant.

"Sorry?" Merlin asked as he looked up from his task of minor armor reparations.

Arthur sighed, "Did you hear the nonsense in the council chamber?"

Merlin nodded nonchalantly.

"How are we supposed to catch those sorcerers when half my knights are taking unnecessary and CUMBERSOME precautions? Even when I tell them not to!" Arthur ranted.

Merlin furrowed his brow. Either Arthur was blowing something completely out of proportion, or Merlin had missed an incident. "What happened?"

"For starters! Sir Boris has taken to hanging bells around his neck!"

Merlin smirked, "Bell necklaces?" A part of him had expected something more bothersome. "That's it? You're upset because Sir Boris is making himself look like an idiot?" Merlin chuckled. Arthur was upset over decorum.

Arthur gave Merlin an exasperated look. "You don't understand do you?" Arthur snapped. His eyes suddenly narrowed. "You haven't seen the monstrosity," he accused.

Merlin shook his head indifferently and continued tapping the armor. He highly doubted that there was much of anything to see.

"It's this big!" Arthur motioned his arms to represent size. Merlin answered with a skeptical look. "I'm serious," Arthur said with a threatening look, "And he convinced some of the other knights to do the same."

"Wouldn't that break his neck? That's the size of a breastplate."

"There are bets on how long it'll take before it kills him."

There was a short silence.

"Whose bedchamber was Cara caught in?" Merlin asked without preamble. He had been dying to find out how anyone could come to the conclusion of her being a succubus. So far the only rational was the red leather.

"Cara? Who's that?" Arthur asked, startled.

"She's one of the maniacs that attacked last night. Blonde with the nasty sticks."

Arthur stared at Merlin quizzically, "How did you know what her name was?"

"Well, I was kidnapped yesterday morning. They screamed her name a lot. Apparently, she wanted to do something to me that they considered inhuman."

"From what I've seen of them, that's rather rich," Arthur said bitterly at the thought of the dead knights, kidnapping Merlin, and harassing Guinevere.

Arthur didn't voice it, but a corner of his mind worried that there was more to the kidnapping than Merlin had been saying.

* * *

Merlin meandered home, barely able to move his feet. He had originally planned to visit the woods today to see if the rumors were true, but he was too tired. However, even if he didn't check today, he was still indignantly certain that he hadn't burned down _half _the forest. Such devastation would be noticeable from within the citadel. Of course, nobody knew Merlin burned the woods in order to escape his kidnappers. The crazy crew was branded with the blame for the forest's state. Likely, those psychos had just enough sense to be the ones who put the fire out. Still, even if no one knew the true culprit, Merlin had to prove to himself that he hadn't done _that_ much damage.

Today, Merlin hadn't completed even half the chores he normally had. In spite of that, he felt exhausted enough to have done triple his usual work. He had no intention of telling Gaius that. Merlin had to fight past his guardian to go back to work today. He couldn't afford to hear 'I told you so' and get thrown back in bed for the next few weeks. Who knew what those crazy people would think of next.

"Merlin," Gwen approached.

"Hey, Gwen," Merlin responded cheerily. He almost brought up Arthur's mud, but Gwen spoke first.

"Nobody's buying the story, Merlin."

"What story?" Merlin stared blankly.

"The cover story." When Merlin didn't show any sign of recognition Gwen continued, "The one about you falling down the stairs... and getting tangled in drapes."

"I've heard a lot of stories today. That wasn't one of them." In fact, no one had even mentioned Merlin's injuries today. He was slightly bothered by that. It wasn't that he wanted to be asked. He didn't want to go near the topic. However, it was eerie. Usually, even a small scratch could provoke a begging for an explanation from every other person.

Gwen looked surprised. She would have expected Arthur to at least mention the cover story to Merlin. She quickly explained all the details of the bogus tale.

"No one believes it though... except Morgana," Gwen continued, "Everyone else thinks Arthur maliciously beat you, or that you beat yourself to avoid work."

Merlin opened his mouth to speak. Arthur could be a prat. But he wasn't _that _bad. Then Merlin's jaw suddenly dropped much further. Sir Boris, hunched over, trudged by. Arthur had not exaggerated about the bell. It was a moment before Merlin could speak.

"People are willing to believe the wild stories about the invaders," Merlin motioned his head toward Sir Boris, "but not that I, a clumsy man, fell down the stairs."

* * *

Morgana crept down to the vaults. She clutched a small bag to conceal her quarry after she found it. Her eyes scanned the dreary room until they landed on what she sought. Two polished red sticks. They had been laid on top of the crate that contained the annoying little goblin.

Morgana had heard from various gossips that only those with magic could lift the rods without excruciating pain. The witch smirked. She reached out with her bare hand and grabbed one of the sticks.

She gasped in pain and horror. Her hand screamed in agony. She shook, still grasping the stick. It seemed an eternity before her fingers would respond. Morgana finally dropped the rod. It clattered on the ground.

The goblin's box shook ominously. "Hey! Who's there? Let me out! I'll grant you a wish," the voice tried to tempt her. Morgana wasn't interested in letting out the cretin that stole her healing bracelet just to lick it.

She carefully (and painfully) slid the magical sticks into her bag. Miffed, Morgana fled the vaults to the rendezvous.

* * *

Arthur walked through the almost empty corridors on guard duty. Some people would be shocked that the prince would spend a sleepless night doing something so easily delegated. He did not delegate it for two reasons. First, he demanded the same task of his knights. Arthur believed that a good leader proved to his men that he is willing to do everything he commands the soldiers to do, unless it is a punishment. Second, it is not unusual for necessity to demand of him to spend countless hours into the night fighting. Arthur felt that his chances of survival in the future were greatly heightened by keeping this vigil.

He rounded another corner.

"Morgana," Arthur said in surprise. "What are you doing up?"

Morgana looked just as surprised to see Arthur. "I just wanted to take a walk," She flashed a nervous smile.

Arthur's face turned serious. "You know," he said slowly, making sure she heard and understood, "that there are dangerous convicts on the loose?"

"I wasn't planning on leaving the citadel, Arthur. Unless, you're suggesting that you're not up to the task of protecting its walls," Morgana taunted.

Arthur jutted his jaw in exasperation. "Morgana—" He began, but then he noticed something. Arthur snatched Morgana's wrist. "Your hand!" He exclaimed, "What happened to it!" Morgana's hand was covered in angry welts.

"Nothing," Morgana said simply, "It's fine."

"Morgana! Look at it! That isn't fine!" Arthur reprimanded. "You should have Gaius take a look at it."

"Arthur, you're getting worked up over nothing. This is hardly something to drag an old man out of bed for," Morgana replied dismissively.

"Fine. Have Gaius look at it in the morning. Though, I think it could be a mistake to wait that long."

"I don't believe you're quite qualified to make that judgment," Morgana said coolly.

Arthur silently fumed at her words. Morgana took that as an opportunity to walk past him. It was true that Arthur didn't know the first thing about being a physician. However, he was a seasoned soldier. He was sure that he had a fairly good idea when someone needed to see a physician.

* * *

When Morgana reached the rendezvous point, a charred clearing, she sat and waited. The people who attacked the castle last night, whom Morgana released from prison after that, should arrive at any moment.

After Morgana had waited for several minutes, a female voice behind her said, "You've risked so much for us."

Morgana turned and jumped to her feet. "Of course," she responded resolutely, "Anything to bring Uther to justice."

"We are extremely grateful," the younger man said.

"What is your name?" the old man asked.

"I am the Lady Morgana. And you are?"

"I'm Richard Cypher, the Seeker," the young man jumped in. Morgana gave a quizzical look at the mention of his title.

"Don't worry about it," the dark-haired girl said gently to Morgana. "No one around here seems to know what a seeker is. I'm Kahlan Amnel, the Mother Confessor." Morgana wondered if they'd have enough time to explain what a 'Seeker' or a 'Mother Confessor' is.

The old man spoke up, "I am Zeddicus Zu'l Zorander, Wizard of the First Order."

_Well, I know what wizard is. I suppose the the 'first order' thing is him thinking highly of his skills, _Morgana thought, _Let's hope that's justified._

"I'm Cara," the blonde girl said shortly.

Morgana was slightly disappointed. After hearing all the names of Cara's companions, Morgana expected something more interesting. Especially from a person who wielded such an interesting weapon. The sticks. She should probably give them back. Especially considering all the trouble she went through to get them. Gingerly, Morgana opened her sack.

"This belongs to you," Morgana said, showing the contents of the bag.

"Thank you," Cara said crisply as she took her weapons back and slid them onto her belt.

"How do you hold it without it hurting you?" Morgana asked. She wanted to know how to use it. Then maybe she would borrow it. Morgana imagined how she would love to torture and kill Merlin or Uther. Maybe she could make Uther watch as she tortured and killed Arthur...

"You don't," Cara replied pertly.

"What are they called anyways? I've heard many names. The witch's clubs, the smoldering sticks, the tortuous death, and," Morgana's personal favorite, "the crimson sticks of stinging death."

The group exchanged glances.

"It's called an agiel," Cara said.

Morgana hid her disappointment of the small, simple name. After hearing the different possible names all day she expected something... grander.

For the next hour, they exchanged information. Morgana explained the leverage she had in the royal household and announced that she had sent word to her (half)sister, Morgause. The Legend of the Seeker party explained what each of their abilities were. They avoided the topic of how they got here and how they expected to get home. That belief wasn't well accepted last time they spoke to a potential ally. Besides, it wasn't necessary information, and Morgana needed to return before she was missed.

* * *

The day was long gone. Arthur was no closer to recapturing the escaped sorcerers. How did they escape in the first place? He knew they had help. The guards were drugged. Arthur's first thoughts were that it was that mysterious traitor within the walls of Camelot. Now he was not so sure. Arthur worried that an innocent victim had been forced to help them. Merlin's words from the day before haunted Arthur. Merlin had specifically said, "Mind control." They wanted to control the boy. Arthur's blood ran cold at the thought.

It made a frightening amount of sense. First, they had opportunity. Then, the fact that Merlin knew Cara's name... Merlin had ample access to potions. Drugging the guards wouldn't have been hard... Merlin had insisted on coming to 'help' in the battle. Then, he insisted on coming back to work today. Was Merlin well enough for that? And the sorcerers seemed very interested in taking Arthur in the battle. Merlin, being the manservant, would have plenty of access to Arthur...

Merlin believed he had escaped. Arthur feared Merlin might be wrong.

* * *

**We don't know if succubi exist in this particular realm. We're leaving that one open-ended. Nerd points if you knew what a succubus was without looking it up.**

**Please review. More is coming. Did we mention that we love reviews, and that it bolsters our determination?  
**


	9. SemiRational Suspicions

**It's here! Sorry it took so long. Thank you to all those who gave us feedback, both positive and negative.  
**

**For those you that are frustrated about the LotS crew and Merlin protagonists not understanding each other: We are starting to create fluctuations in their opinions about each other. These fluctuations range from getting close to the truth, to even more dreadful misconceptions. Do not expect them to suddenly get hunky-dory with each other. This will be a long process, especially since we are enamored with dramatic irony.**

**Also, at some point as we were writing this, something strange happened. Fern demanded to see her the moment I had time (no, that's not the strange part). I go into her room, and she hands me a bandanna. She then told me to gag her because she wanted to get some phonetics right. Should I be worried? _No, because I'd do it again!:) _Case. End. Point. Anyway, those sounds of the gagged person are exactly what I heard from Fern. (Yes, I complied with a psycho lady.)**

**_P.S. NO SLASH_**

* * *

"Gwen, you work so hard," Morgana feigned a smile.

Gwen nodded tersely, "It's nothing, my lady."

Morgana gently caught Gwen's wrist gently. "You do yourself injustice. How about the day off?"

Gwen gave Morgana a terrified smile. The last time Morgana offered time off, she did so with the intention to do magic. Gwen remembered hiding behind the screen and witnessing a horror. She still wasn't sure exactly what she'd seen. However, Gaius had confirmed her suspicions. Morgana had changed, and not for the better.

"Thank you. Would you like me to lay out anything for you before I leave?" Gwen asked.

"That won't be necessary."

"Of course."

Gwen curtsied. She left and headed for Gaius', even though she knew that there probably wasn't anything either of them could do about Morgana.

* * *

Zedd, Richard, and Cara stood in the midst of a small band of soldiers. These men owed there allegiance to a neighboring king known as Cenred. Apparently Morgana's sister was well connected.

Cenred's men were dressed like a bunch of thugs. Richard had to keep reminding himself that most of the soldiers had been hiding for months as spies. Or so their captain said. Richard didn't like that man. He didn't know know why.

The captain approached Richard. "We're expecting more men to arrive in the next day or so," he informed.

Richard nodded in acknowledgment.

The captain leaned toward Richard. "You'd better hope that little lady can do what you say she can," the captain hissed.

Richard flushed angrily. "Kahlan is very capable."

"I have a reputation hanging on whether the citadel is ready to be taken upon King Cenred's arrival," the captain pressed as though his words should have carried some weight.

Richard was disgusted. Was this man's priorities really so misplaced? Or was it just a front?

"Your 'reputation' as far as Kahlan is concerned is safe. The rest of your 'reputation,' however, depends on you and your ability to put your men into position," Richard replied crossly.

If this plan didn't work, more was at stake than some captain's reputation.

* * *

"Come," Morgana said, "Arthur should be alone right now."

Morgana had done extensive inquiries on Arthur's patrol route. None seemed accurate so far. However, Morgana was confident Arthur would be here this time. She had always thought that the informant of this location was the most reliable of her list of informants. He should be on patrol. And alone.

Morgana and Kahlan stood in an empty corridor. Kahlan was disguised as the courtier that had claimed Zedd had thralls. Shortly after dismissing Gwen for the day, Morgana had lured the real courtier into her bedroom with idle talk. After having tricked the courtier into looking into the enchanted mirror, Morgana offered a drugged drink. That courtier was now sleeping behind Morgana's screen. She wouldn't wake until Zedd lifted the spell purposefully. Morgana figured that the woman was probably brainless enough that no one would miss her. If someone did, playing stupid shouldn't be hard.

Thump, thump, thump. The footsteps echoed towards them.

"Do you think that's him?" Kahlan asked in a hushed voice.

An armored figure appeared from around a corner and marched down the hall. This man was a well trusted knight. But he wasn't Arthur.

_What is this? _Morgana thought. This wasn't like Arthur. The plan to remove Arthur as a threat revolved around Arthur acting like Arthur. Well, this poor fool would pay for this mistake.

"You," Morgana called in a commanding tone.

"Lady Morgana?" the knight replied. He looked mildly curious.

Kahlan looked behind her to make sure no one was coming.

"Could you tell me where Arthur is?" Morgana asked.

Before he could answer, Kahlan grabbed his neck. Both Kahlan and the knight's eyes turned black. The knight dropped to his knees.

"Command me mistress," the knight said in awe. The first time Morgana saw Kahlan take control, or "confess" as Kahlan called it, she was unnerved. But this was the third time. The shock had worn off.

Kahlan sunk to the ground in exhaustion. "Stand up," she said, "I need information."

The knight stood. "Of course, Mistress." He looked like an eager puppy.

"I was told that the prince was supposed to be patrolling through here," Kahlan said. "Is that information correct?"

"He was going to, Mis—"

"Don't call me 'Mistress,'" Kahlan added quickly just in case somebody walked in while they were talking. "Continue."

"He changed his mind and asked me to do it instead. He was very discrete about it."

"Why?"

"He had something to do that he thought was more important."

"Any ideas what?"

"None."

At that, Kahlan basically ordered the knight to act "normal" until she gave him further orders.

* * *

Merlin glowered at Arthur. He was on the verge of humiliating his master by way of magic. Maybe he'd make Arthur bray a little. The only thing stopping Merlin was the thought of Gaius' face. But Merlin wanted to punish Arthur so badly. Today, Arthur's behavior was giving a whole new meaning to the word 'prat.' Merlin clutched his polishing rag and took a deep breath.

"Where are your boots?" Merlin demanded. He couldn't believe he was being forced to ask that. If Arthur thought he could hide his own boots and force Merlin to run about like a mad man looking for them in order to polish them... Either Arthur produced his boots, or Merlin wouldn't polish them.

"It's part of your job to keep track of them," Arthur's voice was filled with mischief, "Look! There's some on my feet."

"I guess that must be the only pair you want polished," Merlin snapped. "If you take them off and hand them to me, I'll polish them."

"I don't have time to take them off. You need to polish them right now."

"Then you don't have time for me to polish your boots," Merlin replied with finality. _And you don't have time to sit in here and pester me, _Merlin added silently. Arthur had neglected most of his duties today just to act like a brat. Merlin had given up pointing that out hours ago. Why hasn't anyone come to check on Arthur! Why was Arthur suddenly behaving so negligent? Arthur could be looking for the crazy crew. Was he? No! Arthur had spent most of the day bothering Merlin!

Merlin sighed and moved on to complete other chores. He would polish Arthur's boots when that prat started being more reasonable. Merlin wondered if Arthur's ridiculousness had anything to do with Merlin not running to help last night when the warning bell sounded. Things like that normally upset Arthur. However, Merlin didn't think the extra prattish-ness had anything to do with last night's warning bell. First, Arthur wasn't overly demanding when he asked why Merlin didn't come. Then, Arthur didn't even berate Merlin about laziness and uselessness after Merlin explained that he didn't hear the bell. (Merlin didn't mention that he suspected Gaius had drugged him just in case.) Instead, there was a look of... shocked understanding. Merlin only got a glimpse of it, but he was almost certain he saw it.

Thump!

Merlin whirled around. Arthur was trying, and failing, to look innocent. A chair was lying on its side. Arthur had 'accidentally-on-purpose' knocked over yet another chair. That was the final straw.

"I'm not picking that up." Merlin strode to the door.

"Where are you going?" Arthur asked in surprise.

"To muck out the stables."

Arthur grinned in triumph as Merlin stormed out of the room. Nobody ever volunteered to clean the stables. Merlin least of all. Merlin, being enchanted, was most likely using the stables as an excuse to visit the escaped sorcerers. Arthur would follow and then force them to release their hold on Merlin. Arthur would happily kill them if he had to.

Arthur poked his head out the door in time to see Merlin turn a corner. Arthur quickly crept down the hall to keep Merlin in sight. Arthur straightened at the sight of a passerby. From then on he struggled to not look conspicuously like he was following his own servant.

Merlin was just as ornery as he normally would have gotten about Arthur's behavior... maybe even a little more so. But then, Arthur was being more obnoxious than usual, and Merlin was still aching from a broken rib. However, that really didn't matter considering that Arthur didn't know how the mind control worked. Was it constant? Or could they flip it on or off whenever they wanted? Then, whether they were constantly in control or not, did they just influence some of his thoughts? Or did they control his every action?

Arthur had been suspecting that Merlin was helping the sorcerers against his will. Arthur wasn't certain until the events of last night. Someone broke into the vaults and stole the witch's sticks. This person had done so without forcing the lock... and without stealing Arthur's keys. At first, Arthur had thought Merlin stole only one key. But then Arthur carefully counted the keys. None were missing. Maybe Merlin didn't steal a key. He wouldn't have to. He could have made an impression in something. That had to be why Merlin took so long on some of his errands yesterday. To top it off, Arthur didn't see Merlin last night after the warning bell sounded. Most people cowered in a corner upon hearing the bell. But not Merlin. That man always rushed to Arthur's side. Merlin being the thief would explain why he "didn't hear it."

As Arthur snuck (while trying to not look like it) several paces behind Merlin, he wondered if Merlin was telling the truth about not hearing the bell last night. Maybe the sorcerers could take complete control for periods of time, leaving the victim with no memory of the event.

Arthur reached the citadel entrance. Merlin was already outside. Arthur cautiously poked his head outside. No sign of Merlin. Arthur raced out the door and halted half way down the steps.

He bit back a curse. He had lost him. How had he lost track of his injured manservant? Fine. Change of plans. Arthur ground his teeth and stomped to the stables. He would wait in the stables for a period of time. Probably a fairly short period of time. Then, once Merlin returns, Arthur will ask where Merlin had really gone. Arthur would use having gone to the stables and waited as evidence against whatever lie Merlin would try.

Arthur burst into the stables. He froze. What he was seeing couldn't be true.

Merlin was mucking out the stables.

Merlin closed his eyes and turned away from Arthur in frustration. What did that royal prat want now? Merlin had been even willing to work in the stables to avoid Arthur. Then, hopefully Arthur would be doing something useful (preferably away from his room) when Merlin returned from the stables. But no, Arthur was determined to cause Merlin as much pain as possible.

Turning back to Arthur, Merlin said tartly, "Do you want me to ready your horse, Dollophead? Or are you just trying to make this job harder too?"

Dollophead? At least Arthur could be certain Merlin wasn't being controlled right now. But then again, Arthur couldn't be certain of how much of Merlin's behavior was influenced by the enchantment, or if these sorcerers could have found out that Merlin speaks like that to his master.

"No, I just wanted to make sure you were actually working," Arthur replied.

"Yes, I work," Merlin snarled, "Unlike _you_."

"I beg your pardon, Merlin."

"Have you done _anything_ today? Anything other than harass me? Oh," Merlin paused as though suddenly remembering something, "you've eaten. How many duties have you neglected?" Merlin pointed his filthy pitchfork at Arthur.

"Get that out of my face!"

Merlin ignored Arthur and continued, "Yes, you might want a day off occasionally. I understand that. But of all days, you choose today."

"Merlin," Arthur cut in firmly.

"Did you know that a pack of insane sorcerers are threatening Camelot right now?"

"_Mer_lin," Arthur said more forcefully this time.

"But what are you doing? Preventing your servant from getting anything done. What—"

"Merlin! Shut. Up. And put that down!"

Merlin stabbed a pile of hay and dung. He stared at Arthur fiercely.

"Is it so bad that I wanted to check on you?" Arthur asked, trying to sound innocent.

"Check on me? Do I need to fling dung at you?"

"I'll put you in the stocks if you do that."

"It'd be worth it. I'd be away you. _And,_ maybe you would realize that you have more important things to do."

"I was going to go for a ride. But on second thought, I think I'll stay here and supervise your work."

Merlin grabbed the pitchfork and scooped a heap of dung. He positioned himself to be ready to fire at the moment of provocation.

"You wouldn't," Arthur stated.

"Go away."

"What if someone else, like say my father, saw you. You could get a lot worse than the stocks. You could get beaten."

"What?" Merlin thrust down the pitchfork and pointed at his broken rib. "Are you going to give me another one these?" Then, while still pointing to his broken rib, Merlin pointed to the other side of his rib cage, saying, "Maybe you'll make my other side match!"

Arthur looked stung. He would never do that. He only broke Merlin's rib to save Merlin's life. Arthur hadn't even meant to break any part of Merlin. Arthur had been suggesting that he might not be able to stop his father from arranging for Merlin to be beaten... or killed.

"Fine," Arthur threw his hands up, "Fine. Get my horse ready."

What else could Arthur do? He didn't have anything else to do after having delegated all his duties for the day.

* * *

Morgana and Kahlan walked about the castle, hoping to figure out what Arthur was doing instead of his usual duties. And if they needed to stop him. They wandered outside near the stables. The stable door was open. Two men were standing inside and arguing. Neither of the women were close enough to hear anything said.

"There he is," Kahlan said, referring to Arthur who was arguing with none other than his manservant.

Morgana turned just in time to see Merlin point a disgusting pitchfork at Arthur's face. "Do you think Arthur is about to have horse droppings on him?" Morgana asked nonchalantly. She unconsciously edged forward, hoping to catch some of the conversation even though that was impossible at this distance. She wondered if they would be able to get close enough to eavesdrop unnoticed.

"I doubt it. Merlin seems to idolize his master too much for that." As Kahlan spoke, a part of her doubted her own words. Why was Merlin shoving dung in Arthur's face anyway? This behavior didn't fit quite right with what Kahlan knew about Merlin.

Morgana snorted. Did Kahlan really think Merlin idolized... anyone? He respects Gaius. He is loyal to Arthur. But idolize? Never. Morgana was familiar with Arthur's complaints about Merlin's insolence. She didn't hear about it nearly as often as she used to, but she still heard about it from time to time.

"What?" Kahlan asked, looking startled "He clearly isn't very intelligent. I think he just blindly follows Arthur," Kahlan said in a voice filled with pity. However, doubt continued to prick the back of her mind. Merlin being an idiot could explain why he would poke a pitchfork in his master's face. But then, if he's so blindly subservient, why would he threaten his master? Such an action spoke of free thinking, or at least some sort of strong dissatisfaction—including the irrational kind—of the circumstances.

"Don't let him fool you," Morgana spoke with pure hatred, "Yes, he's loyal to Arthur. But I've learned the hard way that he only plays the fool." Merlin. The man who promised to keep her secret safe. He realized what was happening in Camelot—proof that he isn't an idiot. He kept his promise; he didn't reveal her secret. But he used Morgana's trust against her. He betrayed her. Even if he didn't break his promise, he betrayed her.

"What do you mean?" The contempt in Morgana's voice shocked Kahlan. There was clearly more to this story.

"Merlin is smart enough to be a problem. And Arthur trusts him more than he trusts most people," Morgana said coldly.

"I doubt that could possibly be true..." Kahlan replied in confusion. Morgana's words did not line up with everything Kahlan had heard about the crowned prince. Or of what she had heard and seen of Merlin. However, Merlin seemed very comfortable expressing his feelings right now. He was even in the posture to toss the dung right now. Seeing that did echo truth to Morgana's words. Kahlan didn't know what to think about this revelation. Nothing seemed to properly fit together anymore. She was obviously missing a piece of the puzzle. She suddenly wanted time alone to ponder the conflicting information. She wanted to return to the woods and discuss everything with her companions. She couldn't do that now though.

Merlin threw down his pitchfork. He pointed to one side of his chest ostentatiously, then the other. It looked strange. Why would someone point to both sides of his chest like that? Arthur flung both of his arms in the air in exasperation. Merlin strode over to one of the horses and readied it. He slammed the reins into his master's hands. Arthur scowled at Merlin and galloped out of the stable. Morgana and Kahlan raced to follow him.

As they ran Kahlan asked, "What do you think that was about?" She was resigned to the fact that she clearly didn't fully understand the situation.

"I'd say that whatever Arthur has in mind, Merlin doesn't like it," Morgana said shrewdly. She silently speculated that, whatever it was, Uther wouldn't approve. Too bad she didn't know what it was. It had to be a truly insane plan for Merlin to be so violently opposed to it. She knew that Arthur had convinced Merlin to participate in numerous mad plans in the past. If only she knew what they were up to, perhaps she could get them caught. Uther could do her work for her. Arthur's plan was already foiling her plans. She had a feeling that it would continue to make catching Arthur difficult.

They were barely able to keep sight of Arthur. He dismounted just when they thought they'd lose him. They found themselves in the market. Arthur purchased a rope. Then he remounted and galloped away. The women didn't bother chasing him this time. It was hopeless.

_Why did Arthur buy rope?_ This question particularly bothered Morgana. As crown prince, Arthur had access to whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. That definitely included rope. Nobody in the citadel would question Arthur wanting rope. Why did he bother buying it?

* * *

After cleaning the stables, Merlin managed to get five minutes worth of work in. Then Arthur returned. His eyes were gleaming with mischief. Merlin's heart sank. He could see by the look on Arthur's face that he hadn't given up on the torture-Merlin-as-much-as-possible ambition.

Merlin tried to figure out why Arthur was acting more (than usual) like an overgrown child. Arthur was running low on sleep lately. Could that be it? No, this wasn't the first time Merlin had dealt with a sleep deprived Arthur. The lack of sleep was probably aiding Arthur in being a menace, but it wouldn't be the whole reason. Enchanted? Unlikely. Arthur's actions didn't seem quite consistent with that. Nervous breakdown? Merlin hoped not! What could he do to fix that? Avoiding Uther? That was so unlikely, it was laughable. It didn't sound like Arthur. Besides, his behavior was liable to create the opposite effect. Harebrained plan? Maybe. Merlin couldn't decide the exact likelihood of that.

Merlin shook his head irritably. He couldn't make heads or tails of the whole ordeal.

The time for Arthur to retire to bed couldn't come soon enough.

* * *

Arthur waited a few minutes after Merlin left. Then Arthur leapt out of bed and threw his clothes back on. He grabbed his sword and the rope he had purchased earlier that day, around when he realized Merlin might be controlled in his sleep. Arthur bolted after Merlin. Arthur would follow Merlin back to Gaius', then wait for Merlin to emerge in his sleep.

It didn't take long for Arthur to catch up with Merlin. Arthur followed at a long distance. Occasionally, Merlin would stop, look around warily (forcing Arthur to duck out of sight), then shrug and continue on. This continued until Arthur realized that Merlin was no longer walking in the direction of Gaius' chambers. Maybe Merlin didn't need to fall asleep first to suffer from the effects of the enchantment.

After stalking Merlin through a few more corridors, Arthur decided to pounce. He locked his manservant's arms behind his back.

Merlin yelped in surprise. He couldn't see who his assailant was. He struggled helplessly against the force pinning him to the ground. Even if he didn't have a broken rib, the attacker was much stronger than him. Should he resort to magic? One wrong move would be disastrous. If the attacker was Arthur or someone like him, then not only was using magic (probably) unnecessary, but would also cause Merlin's death. If it was the crazy crew, he'd get a fate worse than death if he didn't act fast enough.

Merlin strained to see who it was. He tried to at least see if there was a way to inconspicuously use magic. A way to buy him time and a look at the assailant. Suddenly, Merlin felt his neckerchief being removed from his neck and shoved into his mouth. Somehow, that seemed like insult to injury. He was roughly pulled to his feet and pushed into a nearby room. He was quickly thrust into and strapped to a chair. Merlin could finally see his attacker.

"Afa!" Merlin's voice was muffled by his own neckerchief. "Wha aha huwing?"

Arthur pressed a finger to his lips. Merlin rolled his eyes. _Is this really happening?_ Merlin thought. What was Arthur afraid of anyway? Someone walking in? Someone would probably think, '_Oh, Prince Arthur must be punishing his servant. That's nice,' _and then walk off unconcerned.

Arthur untied the neckerchief and dropped it into Merlin's lap.

"What are you doing?" Merlin demanded.

"I'm the one asking questions here," Arthur said in an authoritative voice which earned an exasperated look from Merlin.

"Yeah," Merlin said blandly, "what are you—"

"What are you up to?" Arthur interrogated.

Merlin wasn't sure he heard that right. "What?"

"You heard me. What were you doing?"

"Chores?" Merlin gave Arthur a concerned look.

"Don't lie to me."

"Lie to you? Arthur," Merlin said slowly, "some of the chores you gave me require me to work right now. And, some I have to do because you wouldn't let me do them earlier, _Dollophead_. For example..." Merlin rattled off a long list of chores.

After Merlin had named about third chore on the list, Arthur began to feel like an idiot. "Sorry," Arthur said sheepishly. He quickly untied Merlin.

Merlin wasted no time in leaving. To Merlin's dismay, Arthur followed.

"What!" Merlin almost yelled. "Never mind. I don't want to know." If this was what Arthur wanted to do, fine. Merlin would have to just bore out that idiot. He would pretend Arthur wasn't there. Eventually, that clotpole would get bored and leave.

Merlin finished his to walk to his first chore. He started scrubbing dishes. Before long, Arthur left the room. But every few minutes he would whip his head back in. Merlin wished Arthur wouldn't. It was making the hair rise on the back of his neck.

* * *

It was three hours later. Arthur was still hoping to catch 'Merlin,' to no avail. Leaving and suddenly coming back didn't work no matter how many times he tried. He eventually quit that tactic. It was probably too obvious. Enchanted Merlin wouldn't dare try to pull anything right now when he knows he's being watched.

Merlin had ignored Arthur the entire time. Now he was returning to Gaius' chambers, presumably to go to bed. Back to the sleep control theory. Arthur decided to patrol the corridors Merlin would have to cross to leave Gaius' chambers. He wouldn't stand directly outside the door just in case Gaius had to leave and help someone in the middle of the night. It would probably give the poor old man heart failure. However, Arthur would still know if 'Merlin' got up in the night.

* * *

Morgana peaked outside her room. A patrol marched by. She waited until it turned a corner.

"It's clear!" she whispered urgently.

Morgana and Kahlan quickly shuffled into the hall. They dragged the courtier Kahlan was disguised as behind the nearest tapestry. After walking to and fro, observing the hiding spot from different angles, Kahlan nodded in satisfaction. Nobody would see the sleeping courtier unless the tapestry was pulled away.

Morgana and Kahlan slipped through the halls toward Arthur's chambers. Arthur would have been in bed hours ago. And nobody would be there to protect him from confession. Arthur couldn't (at least certainly wouldn't) delegate sleeping in his bed. However, despite that knowledge, a small part of both women expected to find a random knight when they snuck into his room.

There was no knight this time. And no Arthur either.

"Where is he?" Kahlan asked, "Do you think..."

"That he's doing whatever it was Merlin didn't want to do? Yes. I also think Merlin is out of bed, helping him," Morgana replied. What was Arthur doing? The rope wasn't enough of a clue. He could want to do any number of things with that. Then she realized something else.

"Oh no," Morgana lamented. She placed her palm on her face. "This is my fault."

"It couldn't be your fault," Kahlan said soothingly.

"No, it is. I gave my maidservant, Gwen, the day off. Arthur must have found out." Morgana's voice then turned hopeful, "She doesn't have the day off tomorrow though. We can catch him then."

* * *

Kahlan mulled over events of the day as she returned to the woods. She felt a lump in her throat. There was so much to tell her companions. She pitied the poor maidservant.

* * *

**Please review. It helps our writing.  
**

**Also, we will take a short detour to write the first chapter of a Merlin fanfic. It's been decided that we will alternate between writing chapters for this crossover and another fic. Alternating like this will help us write the chapters faster and focus more easily as we're writing them.  
**


	10. Friendly Wars

**Thank you to all those who have reviewed.  
**

**We have a quote that applies to the whole story, but mostly this chapter:**

**"It is a capital mistake to theorise before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts." -A Scandal in Bohemia (Sherlock Holmes)**

**_The characters here need to learn that. But they refuse :P_**

**Enjoy! (And please review.)_  
_**

* * *

Kahlan found the camp in the woods. She ignored the men that looked like thugs and rushed straight for Richard.

"Richard, it's me," Kahlan called out. He wouldn't recognize her in this disguise.

"Kahlan," Richard answered.

They embraced. Kahlan almost collapsed in Richard's arms. She was so exhausted. She had never confessed so many people in one day before. She hated stealing anyone's freewill, but didn't see much of a choice in this case. The land of the living was running out of time.

This new place still baffled her. It wasn't affected by the tear in the veil, unlike the rest of the land of the living. She wondered how it was protected. Or was this even the land of the living? Of course it had to be. It was a part of it. Somehow. Somewhere. This certainly wasn't the underworld.

"Kahlan are you alright?" Richard asked tenderly.

"I have so much to tell you," Kahlan said. She recounted the events of the day. She started by explaining that several knights were confessed, but not Arthur. The prince was never where he should be. She recounted what she saw in the stables and what Morgana said about it.

"That doesn't make sense," Richard said.

"I saw him behave like mindless slave," Cara added.

"But didn't you also see him act against his master the day before? I wonder..." Zedd said thoughtfully.

"What?" Richard asked.

"Some people will behave one way and then suddenly act completely different. This can happen within a moment. Their emotions and even beliefs can swing in opposite directions. Merlin might be insane," Zedd explained.

"You think we're dealing with a wizard that is insane as well as extremely powerful," Richard summarized.

"But Merlin was completely justified in what he did in the stables," Kahlan said sadly.

"How would you know? I thought you didn't hear what they were saying," Cara quipped.

"I didn't. But there is something else." Kahlan then related seeing Arthur buy rope and what Morgana said in Arthur's chambers.

"So he wasn't joking," Cara said pensively.

"What?" Kahlan asked, startled.

"I overheard Arthur accuse Merlin of liking a few different women. Merlin said that he wouldn't tell if he did like a particular girl because he was afraid Arthur might steal her..." Cara explained. "Arthur hit him."

"That poor girl... How many other maidservants have been harmed by that man?" Kahlan asked rhetorically. "And how many times has Merlin helped? Morgana believes Merlin was probably helping."

Nobody Answered. The air was thick with horror. After a moment of silence, they discussed the situation a little further. They agreed on a new assessment of Arthur and Merlin. Arthur wasn't simply using his royalty to be irresponsible; he was even abusing the maidservants of Camelot. And Merlin, he was the most dangerous type of enemy. He was both intelligent and unstable. He would be unpredictable. To make matters worse, Merlin was a wizard. A wizard that not even Cara could stop.

* * *

Arthur dragged himself to bed. The light was just barely creeping over the horizon. Arthur slept fitfully, knowing that Merlin would be barging in to wake him in any minute.

Thunk!

_No, _Arthur thought_, that noise has no relevance to me. _He gripped his pillow tighter.

Clap! Clap! Clap! Sccccraaaaaaatch! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

It sounded as though somebody was stomping through his room. The screeching rattle of his curtains rang through the air. The sunlight stabbed Arthur's eyes.

"Rise and shine!" Merlin's voice was manically chirpy. He came with the intention of being as annoying as possible. Starting with the way he woke Arthur up. He had slammed the door on the way in and made as much noise as he thought he could get away with. He had even scraped a chair across the floor. Merlin's plans for revenge didn't stop here. He planned to be extra clumsy today. He would drop Arthur's clothes on the floor several times before finally giving them to Prince Prat. Then—

Suddenly Merlin's revenge plans dissipated. Arthur sat up. And he looked awful.

"Arthur, I think you need to go back to sleep," Merlin said hastily. He quickly closed the drapes as though it would undo the fact that Arthur was awake.

"No, I'm fine," Arthur grumbled firmly.

"Really, Sire. I can make up some stupid excuse for you to not be at breakfast... and I'll probably get thrown in the stocks. Just go back to sleep."

Arthur forced himself out of bed. He staggered slightly for a minute. His exhaustion allowed him to come to an irrational conclusion. Merlin's behavior this morning was proof that he was being controlled. Arthur's reasons were completely garbled. It was something about being woken up and then told to go back to sleep.

Morgana sat beside Uther at breakfast. Arthur came in. Morgana noted that he looked exhausted. He must have been implementing his plan. Perhaps she could wheedle information out of him.

"Arthur," her voice was laced with feigned concern, "are you alright? You look terrible."

Arthur looked at her wanly. "I had trouble falling asleep."

Ah, so Arthur didn't want anyone to know he had been about last night. She looked for a discrete way to call Arthur on his lie. She was tempted to say, _'It's difficult to sleep when you're not in bed.' _However, that would require her to explain how she knew that. She wondered if Merlin looked just as weary. He probably did. Perhaps Morgana could comment on how strange it was that both Merlin and Arthur looked ready to collapse. She silently debated on whether to point this out in front of Uther. He very well might not find anything strange about it...

Merlin walked around the table into sight and poured water into Arthur's goblet. Morgana twitched with shock. Next to Arthur, Merlin looked extremely well rested and perky. It was amazing considering how obvious it was that Merlin was still in a lot of pain from his broken rib. Did Merlin manage to enforce that he didn't want to be involved in whatever Arthur had planned? What could Arthur be doing that would make Merlin so adamant about uninvolvement? (**A/N:** Yes, I know that's not a word. But, dang it, it should be.) Morgana could barely contain herself. Even if her plan to remove Arthur's free will wasn't so foiled, Morgana would want to know out of pure curiosity.

After breakfast Morgana positioned herself to intercept Arthur. Should _would_ wheedle out the information.

"Arthur, I need to speak to you," Uther said.

Morgana's heart sank. Well, at least she would find out when Arthur got confessed later today.

* * *

Merlin scrubbed at the floor furiously. Normally, he would have waited until Arthur was out of the room... But Merlin was at wits end. It seemed Arthur was determined to repeat the same pattern of the day before. He was still knocking over chairs and hiding his own things. However, the sleep deprivation was finally affecting Arthur's mood. Instead of being mischievous, like yesterday, he was very cantankerous. Every 'prank' was pulled with a humorless attitude.

For some odd reason, Arthur's attitude reminded Merlin of a child who was grudgingly doing his chores. Merlin shook his head. There was no reason for Arthur's behavior to strike him like that. It wasn't as though _anyone _would demand that Arthur knock over every chair in his room. Or empty most of the contents of his drawers. Or unmake the bed without so much as lying on it. Or attempt to 'accidentally' knock over Merlin's bucket.

In retaliation, Merlin made Arthur slip and fall onto his backside. Merlin bit his lip. He probably shouldn't have made Arthur fall.

By midday Arthur's antics stopped angering Merlin. Now every crash, clatter, and unreasonable demand caused Merlin's worries to deepen. Why hadn't Arthur gone to bed the night before? Did Arthur think staying up all night would help him find the escaped sorcerers? No, Arthur wouldn't be cooping himself in here. Besides, Arthur tended to involve Merlin in any crazy plans. Unless Arthur had become paranoid about spies stuffing their ears against the chamber doors... Paranoid. Arthur just might be paranoid. Merlin had seen a frenzied look in his master's eyes. Arthur was paranoid. Merlin was now sure of it. But why was he paranoid? Merlin couldn't come up with an answer for that. However, the manservant was certain there would be no reasoning with prince until his royal highness took a nice, long nap.

"Arthur," Merlin said warily.

Arthur grunted in acknowledgment. He was leaning against the table, swaying slightly as he was trying to keep himself as erect as possible.

"Maybe you should take a nap," Merlin suggested.

"No, Merlin."

"Arthur, you're exhausted," Merlin said desperately, "You need to rest!"

Arthur clenched his jaw. Merlin was right; Arthur needed to sleep. But he couldn't afford to rest. "Merlin, this isn't the time for that."

"Of course it isn't," Merlin said sarcastically.

* * *

"I think it's time to visit Arthur's chambers," Morgana suggested determinedly. She and Kahlan had spent the morning trying to corner as many commanders as possible. However, that was difficult without Arthur's willing (or, in a sense, unwilling) help. Morgana tried mentioning this to Kahlan earlier, but that woman stubbornly insisted on continuing the tactics of yesterday. Yes, they were getting several knights confessed, but most of them didn't have a ranking high enough to be of much importance in the battle to come. Actually, they would play an important part no matter what, just not crucial one. Morgana and Kahlan needed the support of the commanding officers in the army. Most importantly, they needed the support of Arthur, the captain of the guard.

"Wouldn't Merlin be there?" Kahlan asked cautiously.

"Of course." Morgana looked confused. "Why would that matter?" Then Morgana almost laughed. That was Kahlan's reason for not confessing Arthur now? Merlin?

"We need to get Arthur alone."

"It's not like Merlin could do anything about it." Morgana smirked, "We could have Arthur tie up Merlin until you're ready to confess him too. Besides, even if you didn't confess Merlin, who could he tell? No one would believe the word of a servant over the word of Arthur or Uther's _precious ward_." Morgana loaded the last two words with malice.

"You're not at all worried about what Merlin would do since he is Arthur's loyal sorcerer?"

Morgana laughed, "Ha, he's no sorcerer." Whatever gave Kahlan that idea? Whatever gave _anyone_ that idea? Merlin's only power was Arthur's backing. It didn't matter how intelligent he was. Without Arthur Merlin was nothing to be afraid of.

"You didn't know?" Kahlan asked in surprise.

"Merlin is not a sorcerer," Morgana replied dangerously. It wasn't remotely funny anymore. The entire idea was repulsive. Merlin was not Morgana's kin in any way!

"Yes—"

"No," Morgana cut Kahlan off with finality, "he is not a sorcerer. He never could be. He's a traitorous wretch, but no sorcerer would ever side with Uther and Arthur. Not even him. Not even _if _he was a sorcerer. Merlin is _not _a sorcerer."

"Traitor? What—"

"Gizelle!" A voice shouted.

A noble man burst free of a nearby crowd. He bolted for Kahlan and grabbed her hands.

"Gizelle," he gasped, "I've been so worried. Where have you been? Your father is furious."

"Tell him I'm sorry, but I have some extremely important things to do," Kahlan said smoothly. "I'll come home once I've finished."

The man's face twisted with confusion, "What things? Gizelle, your father thinks we tried to run away together. He barged into my home when you didn't return last night. He's convinced that he caught me just in time. If you don't go home, I will be forced to duel your father. I don't want to kill your father, Gizelle."

"I will come home. I will. And I will explain everything," Kahlan lied gently. "But not now. There is something I must do."

"But what Gizelle? Please go home."

"You love me, right?" Kahlan asked.

"Of course I love you. But you need—"

Kahlan forced herself to stop his mouth with a kiss.

"Then trust me," she said softly as she pulled away. "Everything will be alright. Please, just stall my father for as long as you can."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Please, do this for me."

The man nodded sadly, "Please try to be quick."

Once Gizelle's lover was out of sight Morgana pressed, "As you said, there is something you must do. It's time to confess Arthur."

"No." Kahlan strode away from Morgana. No, Arthur couldn't be confessed. Not in the presence of an insane, yet loyal sorcerer.

* * *

"Sire?" Merlin said carefully. He would try to reason with Arthur one more time.

"Merlin?" Arthur replied grumpily.

"Don't you think you should retire for the night?"

"No! Merlin, I've already told you that I can't do that."

"You said you couldn't take a nap," Merlin retorted.

"It's important I—" Arthur stopped. He'd forgotten the reason he was about to prematurely give Merlin. He settled for imperiously telling Merlin, "I can't tell you." Arthur tried to make it sound as though his father had given some secret orders.

Merlin looked unimpressed. "Well staying up all night is very taxing." Arthur stiffened, but said nothing. Merlin continued, "And spending the past two days babysitting me..." Merlin spoke as though he were pensive. "Or was I babysitting you?"

Arthur crunched back the urge to throw something at Merlin. He didn't want to give Merlin an invitation to leave. Arthur shook his head. He couldn't think straight. Did he just admit to Merlin that he had no intention sleeping tonight?

"Shall I get your dinner ready?" Merlin inquired, trying to sound innocent.

Without thinking, Arthur nodded.

* * *

Merlin stood alone in Gaius' chamber. He was staring at the potions. A stew sat on a nearby table. All that was left to do was drug it. One way or another, Arthur Pendragon was going to get some sleep tonight. The less side effects the better. Merlin didn't want Arthur to be sluggish. However, sluggish _had _to be better than cantankerous and paranoid. But then, Merlin didn't need anything that would last the entire night. Just an hour would do it. If Arthur woke at all tonight, then he would fall asleep before realizing anything.

Merlin inched his fingers toward a vial. He hesitated. Should he ask Gaius' permission first? Maybe he'd wait until Gaius came back. But Merlin didn't want to keep Arthur waiting very long for his dinner. Who knew what horrors he might wreck if left alone too long in his loony state. And what if Gaius said no? Merlin certainly wasn't going to put up with another day of Arthur grumping around. That is, not if he could help it.

* * *

Merlin set the stew on the table. Arthur lifted the bowl and ate standing. Merlin winced. When the potion takes effect Arthur will hit the floor. Hard.

As Arthur began to faint, Merlin's eyes flashed. A pillow flew onto the the floor to catch Arthur's head and the stew levitated. Merlin quickly locked the door, leaving the stew floating mid-air for a moment.

Using magic, Merlin lifted Arthur onto the bed. It wouldn't go over well if Arthur woke up on the floor. Merlin dumped the rest of the stew into the fire. The smell would be gone by morning. He blew out the candles and magically sealed the servants' back entrance into the room.

As Merlin left Arthur's chamber he placed the same seal on the front doors. By drugging Arthur, Merlin felt that he had left his royal highness in a vulnerable position. He wanted to make sure no one took advantage of Arthur's predicament.

Just as Merlin turned away from the door he heard Morgana's voice. He didn't know what she said. Instinctively, Merlin ducked behind a tapestry.

* * *

Morgana urgently slapped her hand on the door.

"Arthur!" She called in a falsely frightened voice, "Arthur, please let me in."

No answer.

"Oh, Arthur, I'm terrified." Morgana banged her fist on the door.

Still no answer.

"Arthur," she whimpered pathetically.

The door answered with a snore.

"He's pretending to sleep!" Morgana hissed indignantly to Kahlan.

Taking inspiration from the empty hall, Morgana cried, "Arthur, there are no knights in the castle. None. I'm so scared. The castle is defenseless."

No answer.

Morgana grabbed the handle and shook the door violently. "Arthur!" she squeaked.

No answer.

Morgana sighed, "I think somebody has already enchanted him."

"What does him being attracted to someone have to do with this?" Kahlan asked.

Morgana had the words stuck in her throat for a moment before she spoke, "Enchanted, as in under a spell that affects his judgment."

Morgana stared at the door contemplatively.

"There is another way in," she said.

* * *

Merlin had watched as Morgana futilely called for Arthur. Merlin had to repress snickers as Morgana feigned terror. It was such a pathetic sight. Morgana had reduced herself to _this_?

However, at the same time, Merlin felt uneasy. What did Morgana want with Arthur? What made her so willing to fake fear and claim the castle was unprotected? The citadel's protection could round a corner at any moment.

And why was that courtier here? Wasn't she the one that claimed Cara was a succubus? She was one of the most brainless people Merlin was ever forced to listen to. Morgana must be getting desperate for allies. Allies to do what exactly? Why did Morgana even enlist help? What damage did Morgana want to inflict on Arthur that she couldn't do herself? Merlin wondered vaguely how Morgana talked the courtier into all this. But why would Morgana even want to try getting _this_ help? Again, Merlin considered that Morgana was getting desperate for allies. But that still didn't make sense!

Just as Merlin began to consider that the courtier was not all that she seemed, she spoke:

"What does him being attracted to someone have to do with this?"

Merlin fought to hold back laughter as Morgana explained, "Enchanted, as in under a spell that affects his judgment."

Merlin suddenly froze as Morgana's words sunk in. '_I think somebody has already enchanted him.'_ Morgana wanted to enchant Arthur.

"There is another way in."

Merlin's blood ran cold, threatening to freeze with the rest of his rigid body. He barely breathed. He was afraid the slightest sound could hide Morgana's explanation.

But her explanation never came. She strode away wordlessly with the courtier in tow.

* * *

Merlin slid out from behind the tapestry. He started to follow Morgana and the courtier. Then a patrol appeared. And it was going in the same direction as the women. Merlin reconsidered. He didn't want to follow them any length with a patrol around. Besides, what other way in was there other than through the servants' quarters? That way was also shut to Morgana. Merlin was certain there wasn't any other way into Arthur's chambers. Unless she wanted to use the windows. He couldn't imagine Morgana scaling the walls. But it couldn't hurt to take extra precautions.

Merlin lifted the seal on the door just long enough to magically secure the windows as well. As he did so he imagined Morgana telling the courtier to scale the walls for her. After all, that courtier might be dumb enough to do it. Maybe there were perks to having an idiot for an ally.

Merlin hid behind the tapestry once more. An irrational part of him took over, saying that Morgana might somehow have a way to bypass the seals. He sat behind the tapestry because he recoiled at the thought of staying the night in Arthur's chambers.

After Merlin had been hiding there for a little while, he began to realize that he was being paranoid. Paranoid like Arthur. But he still held onto to idea that sitting behind a tapestry would do some sort of good in this instance. As he considered going back home Morgana appeared again.

She approached Arthur's door, looked about warily, then produced a set of keys. She selected one and inserted it into the lock.

"Argh," Morgana groaned, "It's not that one." She proceeded to try another key.

_How did she get a set of keys? _Merlin thought. She must have been the one who freed the crazy crew and stole the witch's sticks. But where did she—No. Surely, it's not _that_ set of keys. Surely the locks were changed after the Crystal of Neahtid was stolen.

As Morgana tested each key, Merlin wondered how to tell Arthur the locks needed changing. Morgana might not be getting in to Arthur's chambers, but Merlin couldn't seal off any other doors.

"Fine! I'll try the vault key."

Morgana thrust the vault key into the lock. She grunted as she viciously twisted the key. She was determined to _make _that door unlock.

Snap!

The vault key broke in the lock.

Shaking the key stub, Morgana hissed, "How is it that the vault lock wasn't changed, but Arthur's lock was?" She closed her eyes for a moment, then said to the courtier, "We're coming back tomorrow morning. You _know_ this can't wait much longer."

"I'm not going to try anything while Merlin's there," the courtier insisted.

Morgana rolled her eyes, "For the last time, Merlin is _not_ a sorcerer."

The courtier jutted her jaw defiantly.

"Fine, we'll come back early tomorrow. _Before _Merlin comes."

The courtier nodded her assent.

"I suggest we get as much sleep as possible." Annoyance rang through Morgana's voice as she left with her unlikely ally.

Terror coursed through Merlin. How did the courtier know? And why hadn't she already turned him in? Merlin wondered if this courtier had magic. It would explain why Morgana chose this bubble-head to be an ally. It might also explain why she hasn't turned in Merlin. But how did she know?

But there was one thing Merlin did know. Even if he didn't like it. He hesitated in front of Arthur's door before accepting his duty. He had to be the one who answered the door in the morning.

* * *

**Please review! (We now accept anonymous reviews too.) Also, we do write with the audience in mind. We can't (and won't) comply with every request. But if we see small ways to make this more enjoyable, we do it. It's hard to do that when you don't know what the audience is thinking. So, please review.**

**Also, we don't actually think they didn't change the locks. It's that way for the purposes of the story. Besides, they don't say otherwise in the show. What did Morgana do with those keys?  
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	11. Half Baked Disasters

**We're sorry! On the bright side we're getting back into our fanfiction writing groove. It's been forever. Life's been getting in the way. We've been melting down. It didn't help that this was a hard chapter to write. We're sooooooo sorry. Forgive us?**

**Thank you to everyone that reviewed (and gave other forms of feedback) last chapter. And, again, we're sorry about how long this took us.  
**

**Enjoy!  
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* * *

Thump! Thump! Thump!

Merlin's head jerked up. He had been sleeping at Arthur's table. And, to avoid any awkward questions, Merlin had laid out the prat's armor. Unfortunately, Merlin's head had landed on the chain mail when he fell asleep.

Arthur stirred.

"Swefe nu," Merlin hastily cast the spell. Arthur stilled again.

Merlin meandered blearily to the door. He shook himself. He needed to be prepared. Morgana was going to be furious when Merlin answered the door instead of Arthur.

Immediately after opening the door Merlin nearly flew into a state of panic. Before the servant stood a burly young knight. Was Arthur needed? He wasn't going to wake any time soon. At least not without magic. Hopefully the knight wouldn't do anything that, under normal circumstances, should wake the prince. Merlin wasn't sure how he could explain away this situation.

Before Merlin could say or do anything the knight simply walked off. This revealed Morgana and her fool of an ally. Morgana's nostrils flared. The color drained from her companion's face.

"Yes, Lady Morgana," Merlin greeted in a neutral tone.

Morgana glared at Merlin. Under normal circumstances Merlin would simply step aside and let her pass. But the circumstances were hardly normal.

"I'm here to speak with Arthur," Morgana said coldly.

"I'm afraid Arthur isn't to be disturbed right now," Merlin stated simply.

"I'm the king's ward. You _will_ do as I command. Move aside so I can speak with Arthur."

"The prince's needs take precedence over your orders."

"Don't be a fool," Morgana pressed. "Step aside or fetch Arthur."

"Arthur's orders are that he isn't to be disturbed," Merlin reiterated.

"Careful, or you will pay for your foolishness," Morgana threatened.

As Merlin spoke he looked pointedly at Morgana's friend, "I may be a fool." It was his way of dropping a small insult. He almost felt bad though. The woman was practically trembling. How did she know about his magic? He shook off the the thought and resumed speaking to Morgana, "But if I disobey Arthur's orders I will pay for it. Do you think he can't hear you?"

"Get. Out. Of my way. Now," Morgana demanded.

"No. By the way, I think your escort has wandered off. You might want to catch up with the only knight in the castle."

* * *

"Kahlan, be reasonable," Morgana tried to sound soothing.

"Reasonable? Merlin was waiting for us. He knew we were coming." Kahlan halted in the hall for a moment. "He knew it was me."

"What makes you say that?"

"He said everything to you. Everything except for this: 'I may be a fool.' He isn't fooled by the disguise."

Morgana laughed, "Gizelle isn't the brightest person to set foot in court. Her theory about you being a ghost might be the most intelligent thing she's ever said."

"Excuse me?"

"Merlin was insulting Gizelle, not you."

Kahlan shook her head. "No, he knew. I could tell."

Morgana suppressed a sigh of exasperation, "Besides, we need to find a way around Arthur's orders before tonight."

"Arthur's orders? No, Merlin lied about that. Arthur didn't order that he be not disturbed." Kahlan's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "However, everything else was the truth."

"That isn't possible. If Arthur could hear me, why was he letting Merlin lie? That's not like Arthur." But then, Arthur hadn't been acting like himself for days now. Then Morgana smiled, "I wonder if he injured himself. It must be _extremely_ embarrassing if _I_ haven't heard about it."

"Then maybe we don't have to even worry about confessing Arthur. We only have Merlin to worry about."

Morgana pursed her lips. Kahlan couldn't drop the ridiculous notion of Merlin being a sorcerer. Morgana nearly retorted. Then she realized that this had to be a perfect way to gain revenge on Merlin. And if Arthur was hurt, what could he do? Morgana would play along with Kahlan's paranoia.

"No," Morgana said, "nothing short of two broken legs would stop Arthur from defending Camelot. But whatever the injury is, he won't be able to react in time after seeing his manservant get confessed. Merlin doesn't need to be a sorcerer to vanquish a bedridden knight."

* * *

"Rise and shine," Merlin's voice echoed.

Oh, how Arthur hated that phrase. Without fail it meant interruption to a perfectly comfortable and peaceful slumber. He felt a bit more sluggish than usual. The prince was slightly annoyed at Merlin for opening those stupid drapes. Arthur didn't appreciate the light attacking his eyes while he was trying to sleep in his nice, comfortable bed. Bed? Why was he in bed? His mind searched over the events of the night before. Merlin brought him dinner. Arthur remembered beginning to eat. That was it. Which meant—

"_Mer_lin!" Arthur snapped.

"Yes." Merlin gave Arthur an innocent smile.

Arthur's insides erupted in anger. There was something guilty about people acting innocent. It was incredibly annoying. It was especially annoying when Merlin did it.

"You drugged me," Arthur accused.

Pursing his lips, Merlin shook his head. The livid look on Arthur's face told the warlock that now wasn't the time to admit anything.

"You were very tired last night. Are you sure you didn't just... doze off?"

Arthur glared murderously. _No,_ Arthur thought, _Merlin's normal tricks of evasion won't get him __out of an explanation. _Arthur would pull the truth out of his manservant.

"_Mer_lin!" Arthur snarled, "What—" Arthur stopped himself. He had been hit by an epiphany. He knew how to get the truth out of his servant. "Never mind," he said with false pleasantness.

Merlin recoiled. He knew that voice. Arthur was about to make Merlin's life harder. Whatever was brewing in the prat's head needed to be headed off. Maybe if he could remove the drugging as the most interesting recent event. Ironically, Morgana had given him with the perfect tool for that.

"Do you know what I found sticking out of the lock?" Merlin moved briskly toward the table.

"Why would anything be poking out of the lock!" Arthur said exasperatedly. Really, Merlin picked the strangest topics sometimes.

Merlin picked up the broken key. He held it in the most visible position possible as he walked back to the prince. Arthur took the piece of metal. His eyes widened as he stared at the nub of a key.

Merlin spoke again. "Maybe someone tried to use the kitchen key on your door," he suggested.

Arthur said nothing. He merely glared incredulously at his manservant. Merlin knew very well that there were no keys to the kitchens. And why would anyone try to pick an already unlocked door?

"I suppose," Merlin continued, "that it could be whoever stole your keys a year or two ago." Arthur raised his eyebrows. "It's a good thing the locks have been changed." Merlin had to resist the urge to laugh. Arthur's face was priceless. They probably hadn't changed a single lock.

"_Mer_lin, you idiot," Arthur snapped, attempting to hide how flustered he was. "No one would ever attempt to use those keys again."

He wouldn't admit it, but Arthur wondered if Merlin was right in this instance. Perhaps the original thief had sold it to those rampaging sorcerers. Ironic really. Arthur had counted on everyone assuming the locks had been changed. That assumption would prevent the thief from ever bothering again. Of course, that thief had to take up swindling as a past time—only to be accidentally honest.

Merlin stared at the prince who seemed on the verge of injuring himself via trying to think. An idea suddenly popped into the sorcerer's head. He was going to put a stop to the whole issue of the crazy crew. Merlin knew the entire plan forming in his head was reckless, maybe even feckless. But the warlock was sick of waiting for "the other side of the coin" to make move against them. Merlin would do this himself. He just needed an excuse to be stupid.

"Arthur, Gaius needs me to collect some herbs for him," Merlin said tentatively. It probably wasn't the best idea to use that cover story. At least not without consulting Gaius first. Merlin began to panic as Arthur's face filled with skepticism. Skepticism and deviousness.

"Fine," Arthur consented.

Merlin's jaw dropped. It was a moment before Merlin realized that he should stop staring and leave. He needed to leave before Arthur changed his mind.

Once Merlin left, Arthur grabbed his big blue cloak. Arthur didn't have to be the one who offered false freedom. Merlin made the mistake of asking for it himself.

* * *

Kahlan knocked on Arthur's door. Any second now Merlin would answer the door. Then Kahlan would grab his throat. Merlin would beg to do his "mistress's" bidding. Morgana smirked with anticipation for that beautiful sight.

Nobody answered. Kahlan quickly glanced about her before testing a desperate hope. Surely she knew that the door would be locked.

To both women's surprise, Kahlan's test of the handle opened the door.

Empty. Of course the room was empty! For Arthur to still be there would be far too convenient! Morgana could have screamed.

Kahlan crossed the room.

"What are you doing?" Morgana demanded. "He's not here."

Kahlan ignored Morgana. The Mother Confessor lifted the bed covers and glanced under the bed.

"He wouldn't be under the bed!" Morgana snapped.

"You never know. Merlin might have hidden him under the bed to feel better about leaving him unprotected."

Morgana rolled her eyes. She watched as Kahlan checked behind the drapes and screen and even inside the wardrobe. The woman refused to leave until she combed down the entire room. Morgana sometimes wondered if the form of Gizelle was affecting Kahlan's judgment.

* * *

Something rustled behind Merlin. He jerked his head around. Trees. Shrubs. A squirrel. Merlin really wished the wildlife would stop conspiring with his imagination. He had been jumping at every little noise. Occasionally, if the noise startled him enough, Merlin would cause extra twinging in his broken rib from twisting his whole body too quickly.

Merlin shook his head. The warlock knew he was being paranoid. Of course, that didn't stop him from worrying about getting caught. What an irony it would be if Merlin got captured by the very same people he was hunting. Merlin was certain they would ensure he couldn't escape their grasp a second time.

He crouched, wincing slightly as he did so. Collecting herbs may be only an ostensible reason for this excursion, but it still needed to be done (and it prevented awkward questions later). However, Merlin hated dividing his attention from his search. He couldn't shake the sickening feeling that he would be captured (or worse) right as he picked herbs. Maybe Gaius was right. This was a horrible idea. Merlin had been out here almost all morning, but he still couldn't find a trace of his quarry. And Merlin probably wouldn't survive an ambush. But this had to be done! These people had to be found before they could wreak even more havoc. And Arthur wasn't willing to do anything remotely useful. He could be out here looking too. (And why he wasn't the one dragging Merlin out here, the warlock had no idea.) But no, all-nighters and servant abuse was _far_ more important. What else could Merlin do? Wait until he went as insane as that clotpole? No. Besides, Merlin didn't want Arthur's "help" right now. What could Arthur do in a battle against the crazy crew? That is, except prevent Merlin from utilizing his greatest asset? And would Uther have even allowed his son to actively search the forest? Who knew? The king had a horrible habit of sending the throne's only heir after dangerous magic one week and forbidding similar missions the next.

Merlin stood. He knew should probably return to Camelot. The sun had nearly reached midday. He had already been out far longer than any normal herb collecting trip would ever require. If only—

A twig snapped. Merlin wrenched his body around, involuntarily grabbing his chest at the sharp pain. He saw a brief glimpse of blue fabric. This wasn't his imagination. Somebody was following him.

The warlock turned back around. (He was surprised that somebody else had snapped a twig. Nobody other than him ever did that.) He tried to look as though he hadn't noticed anything. Merlin continued walking, but at a quicker pace.

At the sight of a maze-like collection of boulders, he broke into a run. He ran as fast his rib would allow. He began wheezing. Merlin couldn't risk stopping though. He could hear his pursuer behind him. Merlin wouldn't be captured again. He stumbled among the boulders. There was a cave. Around here. Somewhere.

There. Merlin nearly tumbled through opening. He slammed his body against the cave wall beside the mouth. Merlin clutched torso and gulped for air. His rib. It was agony.

"Dal y tresmaswr," he breathed between gasps. For a moment the mouth of the cave produced a dull glow.

_There,_ _let him come, _Merlin thought as he listened to racing footsteps.

A figure burst into the cave. Immediately, he fell forward as though a carpet had been pulled from under feet. The man lay motionless with his limbs splayed out. Merlin sighed in relief. Ignoring his rib's complaints, the warlock approached the paralyzed body. He crouched, holding one arm to his ribs. His free hand pulled the cloak away from the prisoner's face.

Merlin closed his eyes. His fist constricted on the fabric as though he could mash it into nothingness by sheer will. Merlin spoke with fury laced in each word:

"Arthur Pendragon, you are an utter a—"

* * *

Richard gazed over the city of Camelot. It was a marvelous view from this window in the castle. One almost couldn't tell that a battle had raged only hours ago. The night sky was probably helping to mask some of what little damage there was. In fact, 'battle' probably wasn't the appropriate term to describe the conquest of Camelot. It was a network of ambushes. Enough high ranking soldiers were confessed that most of Camelot's army walked into traps. Many had died, but the majority now rotted in the dungeons. Almost everything had gone according to plan. They had taken Camelot with as few confessions and deaths as they could have ever hoped for. Uther was relocated to his own personal cell. Morgana now ruled Camelot.

However, Richard wasn't as delighted as he might have thought he would be. As wonderful as sleeping in a bed for a change sounded, he couldn't relax. Something was... off. The Seeker couldn't help but feel uneasy.

He still didn't trust Cenred's men. He would be happy to never see any of them ever again. They never did anything to help his dislike. And then there was the issue of Cara. There had been several incidents between her and the soldiers. One of the soldiers would become a bit too close and intent on her. However, Cara wasn't interested. Richard knew this had happened at least three times because of the men's bloodcurdling screams. If it had happened more often, which it probably had, Cara wouldn't fess up to it. In fact, Richard was certain that she was picking fights behind his back. And she was doing this behind his back to avoid being told not to. Really, nobody could decide to be friends with Cara—except for Leo. Richard wasn't sure how that man had pulled that off. With everyone else friendship to her meant a certain level of tolerance and willingness to provide loyalty. Richard just wished Cara and the soldiers would mutually agree on avoidance. But the Seeker had no control over the soldiers and their unchecked desires. As a result, he couldn't prevent Cara's retaliations. Surely these men would want revenge for being poked by an agiel.

Richard was also nervous about the last minute change of plans. Everything had still worked out; Camelot was at their mercy. But where was the prince? Kahlan was supposed to have confessed him. He was supposed to be the one to lead all his men into traps and force them to surrender. But he couldn't be cornered for days and had completely disappeared today. Nothing was seen of him throughout the coup. On one hand, that was fortunate. Without being confessed he would have counteracted everything the confessed knights achieved. But on another, Morgana had said that Arthur wasn't acting like himself. This was also a man known for performing fantastic feats that were generally thought to be impossible. (Richard did have to wonder how many of those deeds were actually accomplished by Merlin.) And where was Merlin? Both prince and sorcerous manservant were missing. This set Richard's nerves on edge. Zedd had tried to be positive by suggesting that they had fled for their lives. Richard doubted that. He feared that today's victory would soon be challenged by an unpleasant surprise.

* * *

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	12. The Enemy of my Enemy is NOT my Friend

**Hey! Sorry that this took so long. Thank you to everyone who gave feedback. BTW, you guys are amazing! Anyway, we have a few things to note about the previous chapter:**

**-"Dal y tresmaswr" means "Catch the intruder" in Welsh.**

**-_When Merlin caught Arthur in the cave he didn't get cut off. _It was our way of showing that he was cussing. The characters might cuss, but we don't.**

**Oh, and is it wrong that we're proud of this chapter title? We've been excited about it for a long time.**

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* * *

The prat. The _quintessential_ prat! What did he think he was doing? The idiot prince had been acting frustratingly strange for days now. He wouldn't sleep. He _sullenly_ gave Merlin unnecessary extra work And, best of all, Arthur shadowed Merlin _everywhere_. What was wrong with that man? Merlin was determined to find out.

That is, he would find out once the prince's paralysis wore off.

Merlin sat with his back against the cave wall. Despite all the warlock's best efforts to reverse the effects of the spell, Arthur was still plastered to the cave floor. Merlin had given up last night. The spell should wear off any minute now anyway.

And when it did Arthur wasn't going to be happy. Merlin didn't particularly care. The prat did bring this upon himself.

But there was one detail that Merlin couldn't decide whether or not to be at all gleeful about.

Merlin's neckerchief was in Arthur's mouth.

Now, of course, Merlin had perfectly good intentions when he put the neckerchief in Arthur's mouth. At least, at first he did.

The prince's mouth was frozen slightly open. The night before, Merlin realized that anything could crawl into the prince's mouth. So, Merlin pushed the smallest possible tip of the neckerchief in.

Then, the servant realized that he could effect both mercy and revenge at the same time.

He shoved the whole thing in.

Now, Merlin was regretting that a bit. He liked the neckerchief. It was probably soaked with Arthur's saliva by now. Merlin wasn't going to want to touch it.

And yes, Arthur certainly wasn't going to be happy when he woke. Well, at least his mouth will be too dry for a minute to express that. Merlin would get the chance to vent about his master's stupidity.

Gross, but effective.

* * *

Richard, Kahlan, Cara, and Zedd stood in the throne room of the newly crowned Queen Morgana. Standing between the displaced travelers and the throne was Morgause and Cenred. They all were listening to scout report after scout report. There was no word of the suddenly elusive Prince Arthur, nor was there any of his manservant. Richard was getting restless. From the way these "scouts" gave their reports, Richard really wondered if they paid attention to anything. His experience as a woods guide told him that these men had no experience in doing anything out in the forest.

Currently, two scouts who were watching the same area were giving their reports.

"Neither of you saw any sign of Prince Arthur?" Morgause asked silkily. She walked around the throne, touching it as she passed.

"No, m'lady," one soldier answered, "we would have reported that immediately."

"I do wonder how Arthur and his servant have managed to elude you."

_Our quarries have managed this because these scouts are obviously unobservant idiots, _Richard thought. _I can tell._

"His servant?" The scout asked in surprise. "Our orders didn't mention keeping an eye out for him, or we might have captured him for you."

"You saw Merlin and didn't report it?" Morgause spoke dangerously.

"We didn't think it was important, m'lady." The scout couldn't quite keep a whimpering edge out of his voice.

"Where did he go?"

"Deeper in the woods. Though, I doubt the pipsqueak is still alive."

Queen Morgana perked up at that. "How can you be certain?" she asked.

"He was being stalked by a man in a blue cape."

"We wanted to make bets on how long it would be before the little squirt died," the other scout piped in.

_So you finally notice _something_ and you want to make bets. Good job, _Richard thought sarcastically.

"We didn't though. We wouldn't leave our post," the first amended hastily.

Richard fought the urge to roll his eyes. For once, making bets on duty would have been useful.

"Has it occurred to you," Morgause said, voice dripping with malice, "that you let the crown prince of Camelot slip right by you simply because he was wearing a big blue cape?"

"N-no," one of the hardened soldiers stuttered. "Please, we beseech you to pardon our foolishness."

"Oh," Morgause's voice drew all the warmth from the air, "I will give you all the forgiveness you deserve." Her eyes flashed gold and, without so much as lifting a finger, she had the men flying across the room. And their landings... there was no recovering from that.

"Morgause, I could have used those men," Cenred sighed carelessly.

Morgana, on the other hand, merely smiled at her sister's murderous action.

Richard, Kahlan, and Zedd fought to conceal their shock and horror. Cara showed to outward sign of caring. But that was to be expected from someone who had been kidnapped at a young age and trained to be a master of torture and death.

* * *

Merlin trailed after an angry Arthur. The journey flitted between silence and every threat the prince had ever conceived of. Fortunately, each threat was followed by something to the effect of "And that's what I _should_ do to you."

"I know what I'm going to do to you, _Mer_lin," Arthur began again.

Merlin groaned. The warlock had lost track of how many times the prat had used the exact same phrase today. In any case, it was getting old. Perhaps if Merlin groaned loud enough Arthur would keep it to himself.

"When we get back to Camelot, we are going to be training all day and tomorrow and maybe even the day—"

"Maybe when we get back to Camelot you can go see Gaius. Then, if anything is wrong with you, you can force me to listen to your never ending list of complaints," Merlin snapped irratably.

Instead of desisting, Arthur took that as an invitation to be even more of an imp. "I do not complain! Besides," his eyes twinkled nastily, "this is serious."

"You deserved what happened last night. All of it."

"I decide what is deserved, remember?"

"Yeah. You earned it. You arrogant—"

The words got caught in Merlin's throat. The castle had come into view. But the guards weren't Camelot's. They were Cenred's. All of them.

Except for one.

"That horrible, filthy traitor," Arthur hissed. "I need a closer look."

"Arthur, no." Merlin vainly tried to stop the prince from sneaking off. "We're lucky they haven't already spotted us." The warlock hurriedly crept after Arthur.

Arthur stared at the turncoat intently. "I thought you were loyal. I will make sure you die a traitor's death," the prince vowed to the knight that couldn't hear him.

The knight's eyes were unfocused and blank. Something was wrong... Merlin's eyes went round as realization hit him. Kahlan.

"Arthur, look at his eyes. He's been enchanted."

* * *

Merlin wasn't sure how he had convinced Arthur to head back to the cave. The warlock was just relieved that the prince hadn't attempted to gain access to the citadel. Of course, Arthur had to sneak around the outside of the castle. Merlin had mixed feelings about that decision. They'd have to risk entering Camelot at some point. But it was, of course, risky.

Arthur stared at the cave wall contemplatively. His mind worked through their next move. He calculated where Camelot's garrisons were. But what Arthur really needed was information. That settled it. They were sneaking into Camelot tomorrow no matter what Merlin said. He was about to tell his manservant so when he saw Merlin about to leave the cave.

"Merlin," Arthur called.

"Yes?" Merlin turned to face the prince.

"Where are you going?" Arthur strode forward.

"I'll be back in a bit," Merlin evaded authoritatively. He turned on his heel.

Arthur suddenly grabbed the scruff of Merlin's neck and clapped a hand over Merlin's mouth.

"Shh!" Arthur hissed.

Someone was coming. The footsteps drew nearer. More than one someone actually. Arthur and Merlin stiffened as they caught a glimpse of who was dangerously near their hiding spot. The prince released his manservant. The two edged to where they couldn't be seen unless someone walked into the cave. Arthur placed his hand on the hilt of his sword.

"And why again are we coming this far just to talk?" It was Cara's voice.

"We don't want to risk being overheard by the wrong people. You heard her go on about eavesdropping on the throne room." Kahlan this time.

"This is a landmark that is definitely outside the search radius," Richard said. "Those scouts might be useless, but I don't want to take any chances."

Kahlan spoke again, "Do you think the prince and his manservant might be hiding around here somewhere."

Arthur silently unsheathed his sword.

Zedd replied, "What pampered prince chooses to sleep on the ground when he knows there's a town nearby?"

Merlin smirked at the philosophical tone that Zedd had adopted for the question. Yes, the prince was a stupid, pampered prat. But he wasn't quite that bad.

"And what idiot stays at an inn," Cara quipped scathingly, "where he could be recognized and caught, while on the run?"

The smile slid off Merlin's face. The crazy crew was mere yards from him and Arthur. If they decided to search the area...

"You're right, but we'll worry about that later."

Merlin let out a breath that he hadn't realized he was holding. Whatever motivated Richard to say that, Merlin was grateful for it.

"What are we going to do about Morgana?" Kahlan asked.

Both Arthur and Merlin started in surprise. To Merlin's dismay, Arthur looked proud of Morgana.

"We shouldn't have put her on the throne," Richard lamented.

Arthur's face fell into horror.

"It seems she is as vicious as her father and brother," Zedd added.

Arthur's face both lost its color and curled in confusion.

"We need to figure out who to place on the throne. None of the Pendragons will do. Morgana has proven that," Kahlan commented. Merlin wondered if what she just said had sunk into Arthur. The warlock didn't have time to ponder this as the woman continued, "And we still have Prince Arthur on the loose. Who knows what he'll do next."

"Especially with his pet sorcerer to aid him," Richard finished the thought.

Merlin felt the blood drain from his face. Arthur's demeanor, however, changed from horror to amusement. The prince pressed his fist against his mouth. He shook with silent laughter.

"We need to be careful," Zedd cautioned. "Morgause didn't use her fingers to cast that spell."

"Maybe Merlin is able to use magic without his fingers too," Kahlan said ponderously.

Arthur shook even harder. Merlin was beginning to worry that Arthur might accidentally make a noise. Crazy as those four were, they were still formidable. Merlin wasn't sure if he alone could defeat them all at once. Sooner or later he'd have to fight them. But the warlock hoped to arrange the battle on his own terms.

"That would explain how he escaped from us," Richard said.

Arthur abruptly ceased laughing. He should his head vigorously. Merlin braced himself. He didn't know how the prince would react when the realization finally hit him. Maybe Merlin would get lucky and the crazy crew would stop talking about him.

"I wasn't able to block his spell," Cara supplied.

Arthur turned to face Merlin. The prince stared numbly in disbelief. The warlock felt Arthur's eyes bore through him. The look on his friend's face pleaded for him to say that he never cast a spell in his life.

However, the fact that he had unnerved Cara was a comfort to Merlin. It was nice to know that some of his magic would still be able to affect her.

"Merlin is clearly very dangerous," Zedd stated. "He burned down half the forest."

Arthur's face turned stark white. He drew away from Merlin. Then he angrily thrust his sword threatening near his servant's chest. His face clearly demanded an explanation the moment the crazy crew left.

Merlin cracked a nervous smile. He was so dead.

"We need to find a way back to the Midlands," Zedd spoke up again. "Or we won't be able to get the Stone of Tears to the pillars in time. And the land of the living will be doomed."

The group commenced discussing how they were going to get back (and why they needed to get back). They still didn't know what brought them here. There was a theory that getting the right person on the throne could be the key back. The more prevailing theory among them was that there was a magical object that would send them home. They guessed that the vaults was a likely place for such an item to be housed. However, Morgana had already turned down that request. Apparently, she was very upset that Kahlan wouldn't "confess" the rest of the knights. The conversation turned to scheming. By the end of the babble session, it was agreed that Zedd would break into the vaults. The rest of the crew would go searching for Arthur and Merlin while this happened. They would lead Morgana to believe that Zedd was also out searching.

As the crazy crew's conversation shifted, so did Merlin's concerns. He was still worried for his life. But he was now more concerned about the possibility that their tale might be true. As much as Merlin despised that group, he wasn't going to facilitate the deaths of countless people.

The crazy crew finally decided that they needed to return to Camelot. Arthur and Merlin listened to the sound of four sets of footsteps receded.

"So, Merlin," Arthur spoke in a low, dangerous tone, "I'm sure you've cooked up a thousand _stupid_ excuses for this. Save them. I want the truth. Now."

Merlin swallowed. That stupid crazy crew! They never ceased to make life more difficult. The truth did seem to be the only option now. Merlin would make it sound as ridiculous as possible. He knew how to exasperate the prince and make him give up. Merlin didn't really want to explain his great treasonous secret while Arthur pointed a sword at him.

"Well," Merlin began.

"Drop that tone," Arthur said tersely. He raised his sword to reinforce his threat.

Merlin sighed. Who was he fooling? There was no point anymore. The game was up.

"I'm a sorcerer, Arthur," Merlin admitted, "Happy?"

"Happy? This is treason, Merlin."

"Arthur, I could take you apart with less than one blow. Do you really think I want you dead?"

Arthur was taken aback. Merlin had made that same claim when they first met.

"This entire time..." Arthur trailed off. The idea seemed impossible.

"Yes."

Arthur shook his head, "No."

"Arthur, I've been using magic my entire life," Merlin said softly. "Before I could even talk. I didn't choose this."

Arthur remained quiet for a minute. His mind worked desperately hard to process this new information. Merlin was a sorcerer. He always had been. Somehow, Arthur felt as though a part of him knew the whole time. But the idea always seemed ludicrous. Merlin didn't fit with what Arthur knew about magic. Sorcerers were evil. They murdered, gave people donkey ears, and plotted to overthrow Camelot. Merlin didn't do that. He had always fought alongside Arthur to protect Camelot. Merlin had saved both the prince's and the king's lives. The manservant was even willing to lay down his life for Arthur and the good of Camelot. He had proved that countless times.

So, if Merlin wasn't wickedly cursing everyone with death, destruction, and flatulence—the prince lowered his blade—Arthur had to know...

"What have you been using magic for, if not to try to kill me?"

"Mostly? Saving your no-good, royal backside."

"And burning half the forest?"

"I did not burn half the forest!" Merlin protested while Arthur smirked. "I only burned a few trees. Besides, death would have been preferable to what they had in mind."

"And what was that?"

"Most of them wanted to control me. Cara, the blonde one, wanted to 'train' me, whatever that means. But the rest of them thought that was barbaric. Personally, I wasn't interested in either option. Especially not the 'training.' If stealing someone's will is civil, I definitely don't want to know what they consider barbaric."

Arthur shivered. The idea of stealing someone's ability to choose was repulsive to the prince. His mind turned to the knight that was now mindlessly guarding a keep for his enemy. Arthur knew what it was like to have an addled mind. But, somehow, the state he saw the knight in seemed much, much worse than anything Arthur had experienced.

Now, there was another thing Arthur had to know:

"Fingers?"

Merlin chuckled, "That actually is how I escaped. They assumed that I needed my fingers to cast spells. I simply used that to my advantage."

Arthur nodded. His mind whirled. His manservant was suddenly a different person. He wasn't sure what to do next now that he was consorting with a sorcerer.

Merlin gave a big, goofy grin. He no longer had to lie to Arthur. He wasn't going to be executed for his "crimes against Camelot." A huge burden was gone from Merlin's shoulders. Later, Merlin would probably tease about how many of the prince's accomplishments actually belonged to his manservant. But now probably wasn't a good time to push luck.

And the warlock had something more important to do. He nodded to Arthur and turned to leave.

"Where do you think you're going?" Arthur questioned suspiciously.

Maybe Arthur wasn't as accepting as he seemed a moment ago.

"I know someone who might be able to give me some information," Merlin replied carefully. "I'll be back. There's just something I need to know. That's all."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "Really? So, you're off to see some sorcerer friend of yours."

"You could say that."

"I'm coming with you."

"No, Arthur. I had better do this alone."

"Don't worry," Arthur said lightly, "I won't arrest him."

"That's not what I'm worried about."

"Then what are you worried about?"

"Something else. You're not coming."

"You might be a sorcerer, but I'm still the one who gives the orders around here."

"_Right._ You're still not coming. I need to do this alone. Trust me, Arthur."

Arthur narrowed his eyes. "Later. For now, I'm coming with you."

"No," Merlin repeated, unmoved.

He was _not_ taking Arthur to see the great dragon. The warlock genuinely hoped that it would never become necessary to introduce Arthur to the dragon. Merlin felt that a best case scenario would allow him to take his dealings with the overgrown lizard to his grave. Merlin couldn't imagine saying, 'Remember when the dragon rampaged through Camelot? Well, I let it loose. Not only that, you didn't kill it. In fact, it's alive, free, and in perfect health!' It couldn't possibly go over well with Arthur.

"Why not?" Arthur demanded.

"Because you're in shock. You need to recover."

"I'm fine!"

"If you say so. But you're still not coming with me."

* * *

Arthur finally consented, a half an hour later, to stay in the cave while Merlin left. However, Merlin suspected his friend wasn't being honest. So, right before the warlock left, he placed a spell on the mouth of the cave. He would know if anyone entered or exited.

As the warlock traveled toward the clearing he sighed. The cave was barely out of sight and Arthur had already left it. Merlin stopped and casually leaned against a tree. He waited until the time he calculated that the prince would have caught up with him.

"Arthur?" Merlin called.

No answer.

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Arthur, I know you're there. I'm not going anywhere until you show yourself."

Arthur swore and came out of his hiding spot.

"Fine," he said, "but I'm coming with you."

"No, you're going back to the cave."

"I'm in charge."

"Yeah. And if you try to follow again, I'll put a sleeping spell on you and drag you back to the cave."

Merlin escorted Arthur back to the cave. (The prat grumbled and protested.) And when the prat wasn't looking, Merlin cast a spell. The warlock would now know exactly where his impulsive master was for the duration of the evening. He then removed the spell from the mouth of the cave. He didn't need that one taking a toll on his strength as well.

Somehow, Merlin managed to make it to the clearing without any incident.

He called to the dragon.

The behemoth creature soared into sight and landed before Merlin.

"You called, young warlock," Kilgarrah said, sounding a bit bored. "What is it this time?"

Merlin launched into the story about the crazy crew and what they had said and done.

"Is what they say true?" He asked as he finished his story. "Will the world be destroyed if they don't get back to where they came from?"

"Our world will be fine even if they die. But it is true that if they don't make it back to their own world, it will die."

"Their world? They're not even from our world? How did they get here?" Merlin expected to hear something a portal, like the one a manticore came through. Sadly, these people seemed capable of living for long periods of time away from their realm.

Instead, the dragon chuckled, "It was a great cosmic accident. Nothing too serious."

Merlin didn't like the sound of that. "How could that happen?"

"Ah, there are various ways. And they are troublesome things," the dragon answered evasively. "And from what you've told of these travelers, if you don't get them out of Albion, they will destroy her."

Merlin felt a twinge of suspicion. "You wouldn't have had anything to do with this, would you?"

"I have no desire to create a cosmic accident, young warlock," the dragon replied wearily. "It appears that they inevitably result in me having to listen to you."

Merlin bit his lip. Arthur had left the cave, again.

"How do I send them back?" Merlin asked.

"It is very difficult. You'll only have one chance at it. It would be easier to simply kill them."

"I'll keep that in mind," Merlin said dryly. "How do I send them back?" Hopefully they could finish this up before Arthur got here.

The dragon breathed on the warlock. As Merlin processed the information he found that most of the complications came from extensive preparations, ingredients, and kidnapping all four of the trouble makers.

"Farewell, young warlock." At that, the great dragon took flight.

Merlin sat down and waited for Arthur to arrive. As he did so he wondered how he was going to explain that they couldn't have the pleasure of simply dispatching the crazy crew.

When Merlin could tell that Arthur was now within earshot he stood and strode toward the prince.

"Arthur, he's already gone. You've missed it all. Let's go."

Arthur appeared from behind a tree. "How did you know I was here?"

"I put a tracking spell on you," Merlin admitted.

"You!"

"Don't get too excited. It's going to wear off soon. Now, let's go."

* * *

**We weren't originally planning on doing a reveal. We just realized that the story would be much easier to write if we did that. _However, how the LotS people arrived was always going to be a "Great Cosmic Accident." For some strange reason that idea makes us happy._**

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	13. Fieldtrips

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* * *

"Um..." Merlin said cautiously, "Maybe... We shouldn't kill those four sorcerers?"

"Any particular reason why, Merlin?"

Arthur sounded shocked and angry. Well, he didn't yell. Yet. He was already taking this better than Merlin thought he would.

"Preferably one that doesn't include your natural tendency for being an idiot," Arthur added. Normally, such words from Arthur would be used in a more light tone. Asking Merlin to not be an idiot most often meant 'Don't lie to me.' The meaning hadn't changed. However, Arthur was being completely humorless this time.

Merlin sighed. "The information I got last night—"

"Are you referring to your mysterious sorcerer friend?" _Still hasn't lost his temper. Getting closer though._ "Do you even trust this person?"

"Ah," Merlin said tensely. "Sort of."

"SORT OF!" _There. The explosion._

"Yes," Merlin pulled a nervous smile, "about as far I can throw him."

Arthur looked livid. "Merlin! The whole kingdom is in jeopardy, and you want me to rely on information from a source you don't trust!" Not the angriest Merlin had ever seen his friend, but very nearly so.

"The funny thing is, I'm fairly certain the information is true."

Arthur clutched his face in frustration. _We're doomed,_ he thought. He was doomed. His father was doomed. Gwen was—possibly not doomed. But the knights were definitely doomed. This was all because there was no decent way to get help.

"Merlin, just because some blithering sor—" Arthur faltered for some reason. (But it had nothing to do with the look on Merlin's face.) "Enemy of Camelot!" he burst. "Said to protect a band of dangerous criminals doesn't mean—"

"Actually, he was all for killing them. Kept talking about how much easier it would be."

_Sounds like he has more sense than you, _Arthur thought. "What are you suggesting? Become friends with them?" he asked waspishly.

"No!" Merlin refused to be friends when the crazy crew first sought his help. Since then, they hadn't done anything to warm him to the idea.

"Because if you try that, I'll—"

"I wasn't thinking it." Merlin waved his hands to emphasize his point. "I swear."

"Well? What were you thinking then?"

"We need to kidnap them."

"_Why?_ Merlin, we barely have adequate shelter. Where are we going to stash four magical, rampaging lunatics?"

* * *

The Legend of the Seeker group left Camelot within the half hour of returning. They had informed Morgana of their intention to immediately search some nearby villages. They couldn't waste anymore time.

Richard, Kahlan, Cara, and Zedd approached the cave they had congregated at earlier. Being a cave just out of scout range made this an incredibly convenient rendezvous point.

They entered the dark, empty cave.

"Stay here until we get back," Richard told Zedd.

Zedd did as he was told. He simply stood there while the rest of his group trekked to a town.

* * *

Merlin had somehow convinced Arthur that kidnapping the crazy crew was an excellent idea. Actually, that was a slight exaggeration. He wasn't convinced that countless people would die if those sorcerers didn't make it home. If this was a joke, it was a sick one. Arthur was only going along with Merlin's crazy plan because he agreed that they needed supplies and help. It had nothing to with being concerned that Merlin was serious. Because Arthur wasn't going to believe a word of it.

They were now in a nearby town. Merlin was spending the afternoon and early evening buying ingredients he didn't want to forage for to "send the crazy crew away," and sending word in various directions. (Hopefully, they could get Lancelot and Gwaine's help.) And Arthur found himself financing this insane scheme with what little money he had on him.

Whilst Merlin went about his business, Arthur set about getting basic hunting gear. They would starve if foliage was all they could eat.

After Arthur found some decent gear, he discovered that Merlin had sent word in an absurd number of directions. Apparently, Merlin had no clue where Gwaine was! Arthur had to stop him from sending word in a thirteenth direction. Merlin had suppressed a scoff when Arthur had called the money "not much," but even then Arthur hadn't expected this type of idiocy. Not only was Merlin's endeavor expensive, but also probably a hopeless cause and incredibly risky.

Now, night had nearly fallen, and they were haggling over a loaf of bread. Arthur and Merlin would still go hunting and foraging, but both wanted to eat now. Neither of them had eaten anything since the day before.

About then Arthur noticed three suspicious figures coming around a corner.

Trying to act casual, Arthur grabbed the scruff of Merlin's neck. He told the man they'd been haggling with that he'd "forgotten something." Luckily, Merlin had enough sense to wait until they were concealed behind a nearby cart before making any stupid remarks.

"What are you doing?" Merlin hissed irritably.

The prince silently indicated that now was the time to shut up.

* * *

Zeddicus Zu'ul Zorander considered himself very wise and knowledgeable on the subject of magic and magical items. Now, all that magical information was doing about squat for him. Apart from Camelot currency, he recognized _nothing_ in these dank vaults. Almost everything appeared to be the regular treasures any royal could want.

_Almost_ all of the items looked normal. A few looked a bit odd. Two of them simply confused Zedd. He couldn't understand the need for a _golden_ trident. (Who would go fishing with something made of solid gold? Or put this thing on display, seeing as Camelot didn't seem to pride itself on fishing?) Nor could he understand the crystal. It didn't look like anything special, just a lump of quartz. However, Camelot certainly disagreed. The thing had its own pedestal and cushion!

Zedd started going through the crates. Only coins. Nothing special. He had no interest in stealing a fortune for himself.

Ironically, the only box that seemed to house anything interesting was the one Zedd refused to open. He would first need an excellent reason to believe that it would get him home. Unlatching a grunting box very well could get Zedd possessed. For all he knew, somebody's bones (and spirit along with them) could be trapped in there. Of course, the coffin Richard had once opened didn't grunt. However, that didn't mean much. The dead did usually like to make their presences known, but not always.

After checking every nook and cranny (except the creepy box), Zedd finally started pocketing items. He figured that he'd just _borrow_ anything that looked remotely promising. He didn't have the time to stew and research before taking. _Something_ in here had to be helpful.

Zedd started by grabbing the trident and crystal. They were oddest items in the bunch. Odd didn't necessarily mean magical or useful. However, eccentric looking items tended to be more promising.

Having finished ransacking the vaults, Zedd resealed the gate on his way out. Hopefully, that would buy him some extra time after the guards woke.

Zedd barely found the agreed upon hiding spot inside the castle when the warning bells began clanging.

* * *

"I wonder if you could help us find some friends of ours?" Kahlan's sickly sweet voice drifted through the air.

Merlin's blood ran cold. Something told him that she wasn't looking for any "friends." He was validated when Richard began describing Arthur and Merlin's physical features.

"Well," said the man whom Arthur and Merlin had just tried to buy bread from a moment ago, "there was two men just here that looked like that. The big blonde one said he'd forgotten somethin'. Grabbed his friend and left just like that. Must've been mighty important."

"Do you expect them to come back," Cara asked brashly.

"I'd think they'd come back," the man said.

"Do you mind if we wait here for them?" Richard inquired.

"Have at it. But while you're waitin', could I interest you in buyin' a loaf of bread?"

* * *

Merlin had to stop himself from fidgeting. The place Arthur chose to hide them was far too close to the baker's stall for comfort. If they were caught, they'd be at a distinct disadvantage. Arthur and Merlin were outnumbered. At least two of the present enemy had magical powers that disconcerted Merlin. When he did kidnap them, Merlin wanted to take them separately. And to be closer to finishing the preparations of their return spell.

Time for a distraction.

* * *

Richard was considering whether or not he'd buy bread just to humor the baker. Just then he heard several cries of dismay. He and his companions whipped around to see the thatching being blow off of several stalls by a freak gust of wind.

* * *

While the crazy crew was distracted, Arthur and Merlin made a run for it. They flattened themselves along the side of a house a safe distance from their enemies.

"We've got to get out of here," Merlin breathed hastily.

"No, we take them hostage," Arthur declared pompously.

"Arthur, the preparations for the spell will take at least a week."

Arthur clenched his jaw, but didn't say anything.

"Of course," Merlin continued, "if you _really_ want to keep an eye on—"

"_Mer_lin!"

"Let's go then."

Arthur and Merlin hurried away as discretely as possible. Occasionally, Arthur grumbled something about losing opportunities.

When they returned to the cave, they found a surprise waiting for them. An old man was standing there. He turned to face them. To their horror, they were facing a smiling Zedd.

One thing was certain. They had walked into a trap.

* * *

**Like it? Hate it? Don't care? Review it anyway! :) _Excuse her. Please review..._**

**Now, for those of you who are confused, we won't leave you in suspense. But if you don't want it spoiled for you, don't decipher the with the backwards words (and skip straight to reviewing _(if you would like to review.)_). _ddez si ton ni eht evac. taht si a teppup._**


	14. Imagined Threats

**Hi, we'll do you a favor and spare you the excuses. Let's see if we can finish this story within the month. This has taken way too long, and we want to move on.**

**BTW, we got a review in Spanish. It pretty much made our day.**

**Also, we know that we've gone a bit OOC for pretty much all of the characters. We're just rolling with it. This is a "serious spoof," after all.**

* * *

Arthur dropped his supplies, drew his sword, wheeled around, and prepared to face the imminent attackers.

In that same moment Merlin reached out his arm. "_Ic the withdraf!_" He shouted.

Zedd was instantly flung against the cave wall. Then upon landing the old man immediately stood. He didn't seem shaken or harmed in the slightest. He was still smiling.

"_Swefe nu!_" Merlin yelled.

Instead of dropping to sleep, Zedd continued to stand there, smiling and completely unaffected.

"Arthur!" Merlin called with a terrified note in his voice.

"What?" Arthur hissed irritably. He was trying to figure out exactly how the rest of band would attack. Who from what angle, with what first strike. If this was an ambush, what were the rest of the attackers waiting for? Wouldn't assaulting immediately be the best tactic?

"We're in trouble."

Arthur rolled his eyes, but otherwise ignored him.

"No really, Arthur," Merlin said urgently. "That should've..."Merlin was already unnerved, but somehow it was far worse to admit out loud that he couldn't do anything against Zedd. "What do you want?" The warlock asked the wizard.

Arthur turned, painfully aware that doing so would leave them vulnerable. Zedd had merely cocked his head in response to Merlin. The wizard's vapid smile hadn't changed in the slightest.

"What are you doing here?" Merlin asked.

Zedd's neck straightened. "I am Zeddicus Zu'l Zorander, wizard of the First Order," he greeted, still smiling. "I am waiting."

"Waiting for what?" Arthur probed.

"I am waiting," Zedd repeated.

Waiting. Waiting for the next phase of the ambush? Did their plan involve Arthur and Merlin running for their lives? Were Arthur and Merlin supposed to drop their guards because of Zedd's creepy smile? What did this group want them to do? Whatever Arthur did, it had to be something that would never be expected. Carefully holding his sword lowered at his side, he charged at Zedd.

"Arthur! No!" Merlin threw out his arm to stop his friend all too late.

Arthur slammed the old man against the cave wall and then lifted his blade to Zedd's throat. Arthur wanted to force the rest of Zedd's comrades out of hiding. He would compel them to improvise. His behavior, however, didn't phase Zedd in the least. The old man grinned as though he were being hugged not threatened with death.

"I have your sorcerer," Arthur shouted to the unseen ambushing party. "Come out now."

Nobody answered.

"I know you're there!" Arthur added emphatically.

"Arthur," Merlin whispered. He anxiously glanced behind himself. Then realizing how stupid his positioning was, he pressed his back against the wall where he could watch Arthur and cave mouth at once.

"Fine," Arthur breathed. He roughly turned Zedd around, smashing the old man's face into the rock. "Bring me the rope, Merlin," Arthur ordered.

Merlin cautiously approached Arthur's discarded items and began rifling through them. Every moment he was peaking through the corners of his eyes. As Merlin located the rope, Arthur tore off a large chunk from one of Zedd's capacious sleeves. When Merlin handed Arthur the rope the prince covered the wizard's fingers with the torn sleeve and tied his hands together. After nullifying the wizard's power source, Arthur pulled his hostage off the wall, and led him by the collar and the point of a sword to the cave's mouth.

Merlin followed apprehensively. Why hadn't they been attacked already? Why did Zedd allow himself to be captured? Merlin couldn't shake the feeling that, somehow, they were only playing into the hands of the enemy.

The moment Arthur and Zedd reached the cavern's mouth Zedd suddenly jerked backward, nearly skewering himself.

"No," the wizard declared, no longer smiling, "I am waiting."

"Did your friends not make it here in time?" Arthur taunted as he shoved the old man in front.

They pressed forward. All the while Zedd struggled and insisted that he was waiting. He didn't care that Arthur was threatening to run him through. When Merlin could no longer see the cave behind him, he released a pent up breath. They weren't ambushed, and they had the wizard.

Merlin paused. Even the most inept tracker could follow the trail Zedd's struggles left. The rest of the crazy crew likely knew the wizard had been in the cave. Merlin wasn't going to provide opportunity to be snuck up on.

"_Tynnwch y traciau_," he muttered, and the trail erased itself.

* * *

"Zedd," Kahlan called to the puppet. She took a step farther into the cave.

"Do you think it wandered off?" Cara asked.

"That's impossible," Richard replied, "Zedd said it wouldn't."

"Well, I don't see it here," Cara maintained.

"I'm sure there's another explanation," Kahlan said.

"Maybe something ate it," Richard mused.

"That sounds likely," Cara snapped sarcastically. "Wild animals attacking a supposedly motionless puppet. And then leaving no remains."

"What if someone stole it?" Kahlan wondered.

"Shouldn't take them too long to figure out that it's worthless," Cara remarked. She refrained from adding something about few people seeing a use in old men to begin with. Slavers generally kidnapped the young and healthy.

"We can't go back without it," Richard stated. "Someone will ask why Zedd returned without us and without anyone noticing."

Cara rolled her eyes. Of course they would assume that didn't understand how volatile their situation was. "Standing around in here won't find it."

They split up. Cara and Kahlan searched deeper into the cave while Richard searched outside. Within minutes he found a trail. A trail that abruptly stopped before he could even get the cave out of eyesight.

* * *

Zedd slipped out of Camelot. It was well past midnight, and his companions hadn't returned. He had stopped to listen in on a few conversations on his way. This was in case his companions did return, but were somehow unable to meet him. He hadn't been able to eavesdrop on anything of importance though. Not in the small time he was willing to spare.

Zedd panted slightly with worry. He tried not to let his imagination carry him away with the many things that could have befallen his friends. When he reached the cave he found Kahlan standing just inside the mouth.

"Zedd!" Kahlan jumped.

"Where have you been?" Zedd asked sharply. They seemed fine. He was relieved, but also a little irritated. He had spent the entire day hiding and the last several hours worrying. For what?

Part of Kahlan had hoped she was seeing the puppet before her. Then they would return to Camelot immediately, while also postponing explanations.

"I can explain," Kahlan said. "Just a minute." She hurriedly retreated into the cave. Zedd didn't bother following. "Richard, Cara, wake up," Zedd heard her say, "Zedd's here."

"Zedd?" Richard's sleepy voice said.

"The real one," Kahlan verified.

In a moment all three of Zedd's companions were at the cave's mouth. And none of them were even injured. Zedd hoped for their sakes that they had an excellent reason to be staying the night in a cave.

"Zedd," Richard grinned.

"Kahlan said that she could explain, but I think she's hoping you will," Zedd conjectured.

Richard opened his mouth. He tried to think of the most tactful way to relay their news.

"We lost the puppet," Cara answered tersely.

"How did you lose my puppet?" Zedd asked incredulously.

"We think it might have wandered off," Kahlan replied dubiously.

"Nonsense. It will only do as it's told. What did you tell it to do?" Zedd demanded.

"I told it to wait in the cave until we got back," Richard replied. "We think it might have seen us come back and left to explore."

"Did you tell it to leave when you got back?" Zedd pressed. Puppets were only mindless pawns. They could only do what they were enchanted for. This puppet was only designed to get them in and out of the castle. Zedd hadn't put near the time and effort into this puppet as he put into the one that he once made for the purpose of tricking Darken Raul. That one was so expertly made that it appeared to think for itself at all times. It seemed intelligent. But this recent one only knew how to interact with Morgause, Morgana, and Cenred if need be. That was its only independent function. It wasn't designed to be capable of disobeying Richard, Kahlan, Cara, or Zedd. Or of finding loopholes in their words for that matter. Its creative thought capacity was extremely limited.

"Yes," Cara said sarcastically, "we took special care to ensure that the moment we returned it would run off and make our lives miserable."

"Cara, we don't have time for this," Zedd reprimanded. "Did one of you say something that it might have taken as a command to leave?"

"Not that I can think of," Richard answered. He looked to Kahlan for support. She shook her head. Both of them turned to Cara, who rolled her eyes.

"I don't have any idea what happened," Cara said. "Unless someone stole it."

"Maybe someone did," Kahlan suggested.

"Why would they?" Richard asked. "The only people who'd recognize Zedd want him dead."

"Bait perhaps?" Kahlan continued on the idea.

Richard shook his head. "They would have left a trail for us to follow. If not that, at least something to taunt us."

"We don't actually _need_ it anymore," Cara reminded her companions.

"It would still be nice to find it," Zedd stated. "Those aren't easy to make." Though he didn't say it, Zedd also wanted to know if—even after ages of infallibly preforming the spell—he had somehow made a mistake while creating the puppet.

* * *

**Review please!**

**And make bets on whether we can finish this fic in a timely manner. _She's kidding. We don't want to know what you're betting._ We already know what they bet. They're all thinking, "Ha! You're horrible at consistently updating."**


	15. Useless Loot

**Oh, ahem, by the end month. Didn't I say by the end of this month, not last month? _No, I don't think so._ Hush. We promise that we're busy. Anyway, on with the show!**

* * *

Last night was not restful. Merlin was already reconsidering the idea of sending back the crazy crew rather than simply killing them. Zedd didn't sleep. He spent the entire night struggling against the restraints. And he grunted the whole while. Bless the gag for drowning out the cries of "I am waiting." Even now, in mid-morning, Zedd was still trying to break away from the tree.

At first, Arthur and Merlin had only tied Zedd's hands and feet. However, the old man would try to scoot away, without regard as to whether he was being watched. So they tied his wrists behind a tree. And later they were forced to wrap a rope around the wizard's ankles. The kicking and stomping had to stop.

Why the old man kept up this behavior was beyond Merlin. No, why wasn't what Merlin wanted to know. It was how. The young man's energy reserves were strained with the snatches of sleep he got. This old man, however, was able to sleeplessly wiggle all night and morning long with fresh vigor.

Merlin massaged his forehead. Arthur had better get back from hunting soon. Zedd was driving Merlin mad. And the warlock was starving. He hadn't had a decent meal in over a day. He frankly didn't care if he was tracked because of the smoke from cooking. The lack of food was making Merlin light-headed. They would just relocate immediately.

* * *

Merlin was only too happy to get away from Zedd. And leave the old man with Arthur for a change. The incessant grunting of "I am waiting" was headache inducing. A little danger almost seemed nice in comparison.

He crept through Camelot. Ironically, Cenred's men were far easier to get around then the knights of Camelot.

Merlin nearly fell into a psychotic laughing fit when he reached Gaius's. Morgana clearly didn't think that Merlin would risk coming back here. He shook with amusement before realizing how irrational he was being. Morgana had no reason to expect Merlin to sneak back in here. By now Gaius would be either in the dungeons or in hiding... Or dead. Merlin's stomach churned with anxiety. He fought the urge to creep down into the dungeons. Morgana, however, would be expecting that stunt. If he got himself killed it wouldn't help anyone. He was here to get the book, get the staff, and get out. Merlin sprinted to his room.

As soon as his door was open Merlin's jaw dropped. His room was now littered with some very interesting objects. Many of these objects Merlin recognized as former residents of the vaults. He tried to figure out why anyone would bring the Crystal of Neahtid or the Golden Trident of the Fisher King... Or any of the rest this stuff into his room. It almost looked like someone was using his room as a horde.

The room downstairs began resounding creaks and thumps. Several pairs of feet were tromping across Gaius's chamber. And by sound of it they were heading toward Merlin's room. Merlin dove under his bed. He could hardly breathe as the stairs squeaked.

"Are you sure no one is going to check here? What if Morgana sees us going in here?" Kahlan's voice asked just before any of the feet reached the landing.

"All we'd have to say is that we're looking for any clues that might tell how to track down Arthur and Merlin," Zedd defended.

"If that's the cover story, why haven't we scoured Arthur's old room?" Cara asked scathingly.

"Cara, if we don't have to explain our presence here, then let's not worry about it." Richard snapped.

"Why _haven't_ we searched the prince's room?" Cara persisted. "He very well might have something useful in there."

"From what I've heard Morgana has searched Arthur's room from top to bottom." Kahlan said. "She's confiscated several of Arthur's things."

Merlin heard Cara give a strangled cry, "Why didn't you mention that earlier?"

"I didn't think it was important."

"If she has been obsessing over Arthur's room, whose to say she won't come in here?"

"Merlin doesn't have anything of value," Zedd pointed out. "She's unlikely to care. Let's get this done."

Merlin heard a pair of feet scuffle slightly. At the same time he could hear Zedd chanting something.

"Anything?" Kahlan asked when Zedd had stopped.

"I'm afraid not." Zedd replied.

Zedd began to chant again. Whatever it was that Zedd was doing it was having no results. Zedd had repeated the process about five times before Merlin started to wonder if he was going to die under the bed.

* * *

Over an hour later, the crazy crew finally left. After all that time, Merlin still didn't know exactly why they were hording things in his room. He had an idea why, but he hadn't been able to figure out the details. They had robbed the vaults looking for a particular item which they obviously didn't know by sight. They must be looking looking for something with a certain magical property. What type of magical property Merlin didn't know.

Merlin collected his book and Sidhe staff, and slipped back out of the citadel with no problem. He needed to explain to Arthur that something was off with their prisoner. Either Zedd could be at two places at one time or they had kidnapped a fake. Merlin was inclined towards the latter.

When Merlin got back to Arthur, he found that the prince was almost at wits end. The prince was pressing the writhing old man's face and belly into the dirt. Upon seeing Merlin, Arthur looked both relieved and annoyed.

"_Mer_lin," Arthur demanded, "Where have you been?"

"I—"

"He ripped his wrist."

"Wha—" For the first time Merlin noticed that one of Zedd's hands was detached from his arm and was literally being held by the other hand. There was no blood. There was no way that _thing_ was human.

Zedd grunted his usual mantra through the gag.

"Arthur, I don't think that thing is Zedd."

"What?" Arthur asked sharply.

"Zedd is in Camelot. That—I don't know what that is. It's not Zedd though. It must be some sort of copy."

"If it's just a copy, how about we just kill it?"

Merlin couldn't argue with that point.

* * *

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	16. The More, the Merrier

_**So, we've been feeling lazy about this one. Let's be completely honest.**_** Sorry.**

* * *

Disposing of the fake Zedd turned out to be more problematic then they had first anticipated. The fact that it seemed alive was disturbing to say the least. But they couldn't let it report. Then add the logistics in destroying something that really wasn't alive. It took them a quarter of an hour to get the job done. A quarter of an hour that both of them would rather forget. Arthur needed to change the subject.

"Is Gwen alright?" Arthur asked.

"I dunno," Merlin replied uncomfortably.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean, I don't know. I really didn't have time to check on her."

"We're going to her house and we're going to find out."

"Arthur!" Merlin hissed. "Are you crazy?" Merlin instantly regretted those words. They sounded callous. Merlin understood why Arthur so badly wanted to check on Gwen. Merlin wanted Gwen to be safe; she was his friend. But if Morgana knew about Arthur and Gwen, she was probably hoping that Arthur would do something rash.

"_Merlin,"_ Arthur said desperately, "I _need _to know that she is okay. I intend on going with or with out you. And nothing you say will change that."

Arthur's jaw was set. Merlin briefly considered using a spell to stop Arthur and then thought better of it. After all, he was worried about Gwen too. "Fine," Merlin snapped. "But we are not going in the citadel."

"I give the orders. Remember?" Arthur protested arrogantly.

"Great. We're not going in the citadel."

* * *

Arthur and Merlin snuck into Camelot. Merlin's stomach tightened with anxiety. This was such a bad idea. They were going to get caught. More than once they had to hide from the new management.

Then Arthur did do something rash. Something so rash that Merlin became certain they were both going to die. If Merlin had known that telling Arthur about Gizelle being Morgana's accomplice would have created this type of situation, Merlin would've kept his mouth closed. Now, they were hidden in an alley way. Arthur was pressing his sword against a frantic woman and quietly demanding answers for her behavior.

"What were you helping Morgana with?" Arthur hissed.

"Nothing," Gizelle whimpered. "I swear."

" Really? As I understand it, the night before the coup, _you _were with Morgana, trying to break into my chambers."

"I don't remember any of that." Tears were rolling down Gizelle's face. "The last thing I remember before they took Camelot is the lady Morgana was showing me a mirror. It was a really odd little thing. Even if it was made of gold."

"Why was it odd?" Merlin interjected. Arthur looked at Merlin with annoyance. Clearly, Arthur doubted that the mirror itself had any significance. It probably wasn't important, but still it didn't hurt to check.

"It opened and closed. There was a small reddish thing painted on it. I didn't get good look at it before I fainted. It's not fair. She summons me into her chambers to look at it. Then doesn't let me have a good look at it. I'd like to buy a mirror that opens and closes like that."

Merlin didn't know why it mattered to her whether a mirror opened and closed. Frankly, he didn't want to know. He didn't think that it had been a good idea to waylay her in the first place. But what was done was done. They might as well make the best of it. "Do you think the mirror made you faint?" He asked.

"I don't know. I hope not; I wanted to get a mirror like that, except prettier." Arthur and Merlin both rolled their eyes. Oblivious to her interrogators' distress, Gizelle continued to prattle on. "I'm not even sure if that mirror was pretty. Morgana snatched out of my hands before I had the chance to get a good look at it. At least she had the decency to offer me a drink," Gizelle huffed.

So mirror was meaningless. Morgana had just drugged Gizelle.

"What happened after you woke up?" Arthur asked.

Gizelle shuddered and began to sob. "I was behind a tapestry a-and- and."

"Yes?" Merlin asked.

She took a deep breath, "There was an old man and h-he w-was- he was-" The old man was probably Zedd. This could be some promising information.

"He was feeding me!"

Merlin released a breath in disappointment. Arthur, however, was not giving up so easily. "What was he feeding you?" Arthur pressed.

"I don't know. It was some sort of porridge. But he was feeding me," Gizelle whimpered.

"Was there anything usual about it? Do you remember?"

"I—uh, I don't—He was feeding me!"

"Did he feed you rat?" Merlin asked brashly. "Wilddeoren bones? What terrible thing did he feed you?"

"He was feeding me. A strange scary old sorcerer was feeding me."

Merlin sighed in exasperation. He knew Arthur's idea had been a bad one, and it hadn't even been remotely useful. Now, how were they going to prevent her from telling everyone? Gizelle was known to have trouble keeping any information to herself. They couldn't kill her. That would be wrong. Unless—No. He couldn't let himself think like that. But they couldn't take her with them. She would just cause unnecessary trouble. But they couldn't let her tell anyone.

"Do you know what the worst part of this is?" Gizelle muttered. When neither Arthur or Merlin said anything, Gizelle continued her babbling, "Florence. He's upset with me. He keeps telling to explain myself. Father thinks I tried to run away with him. He's—"

"Gizelle" Arthur said, lowering his sword. "Why you don't elope with Florence?"

Merlin's jaw dropped. Arthur did not just say that. What was he thinking? This would be a disaster! Merlin struggled to find the right words express his disgust.

"What?" Gizelle replied, shocked.

"Run away with Florence and marry him," Arthur said. "You're in trouble for it anyways. Go."

Gizelle nodded.

Merlin watched Gizelle walk off. He decided that Arthur must have been hit on the head one to many times. The prince was not only giving her license to tell everyone they were here, but he also was encouraging a scandal. If they managed to retake Camelot, Arthur would have to answer for this behavior.

"What did you just _do_?" Merlin hissed numbly.

"I stopped Gizelle from informing anyone that we are here. She'll be too busy trying to elope."

"What happens when she justifies running away on your orders?"

Arthur looked sheepish. "It won't matter. Nobody is going to believe that I'd order someone to elope."

"You've tried to elope in the past." Merlin pointed out.

"That was years ago," Arthur snapped uncomfortably. "I doubt anyone remembers that."

"You sure?"

"Shut up, _Mer_lin. Let's check on Gwen."

* * *

Elyan noticed a figure creeping into Gwen's home. If someone thought they could pillage his sister's home and get away with it... Elyan was going to stop him. He had the advantage of surprise. He grabbed a sword and made his way to his sister's home.

Elyan peeked through the window. The bandit had his back turned. Elyan swung the door open and charged at the intruder.

"Look out!" cried a surprisingly familiar voice.

The man Elyan was trying to attack spun around and blocked Eylan's blow. Now Elyan could see the man's face. It was Arthur Pendragon.

"Sire," Elyan said, surprised. Then he saw Merlin. "Merlin."

"Elyan," Arthur replied, looking relieved. "Where is Gwen? What happened?"

"Gwen is fine. She is at the citadel. Several of the knights betrayed Camelot. Some people say that they've been enchanted."

* * *

Kahlan stared in frustration at the castle wall. The days events weren't going well. She, Zedd, Richard, and Cara had decided that getting Morgana off the throne was now the best thing to do. Kahlan had spent the day trying to find a new candidate for the monarchy. She talked to the nobles that weren't incarcerated. She asked what they thought of the new rule. After these conversations, Kahlan decided that they were all out of the question. Either they were in danger of being punished by Morgana for continued sympathy to Uther and Arthur, or they were too scared to take a stand. At one point she thought that she might have found the perfect candidate. He noted that both Morgana and Uther were tyrants. Then, however, he started to speak longingly about Arthur and how much he had been looking forward to that monster being king.

Kahlan bit her lip. She wasn't sure how to proceed from here.

Kahlen whirled her around as she heard the sound of footsteps. It was Guinevere on her way to do laundry. In the past, the maid never seemed interested in speaking with them. But maybe Kahlen could wheedle some information out of her.

"Guinevere?" Kahlen called out.

Guinevere stopped. She replied with polite iciness, "Yes, your ladyship."

* * *

Elyan told them about how Mogana's new helpers had taken up the responsibility of aimlessly checking nearby towns for Merlin and Arthur. If they were going to keep this up, there was a chance of ambushing them. However, Arthur, Merlin, and now Elyan would have to find away to separate the crazy crew. Merlin felt that it was too risky to take all of them on at once if they didn't have too.

So, Arthur, Merlin, and Elyan snuck out of Camelot. Traveling through the forest, they ran into two men. One of them was a large hulking man, and other was more normal sized. It was the normal sized man that Merlin was interested in.

"Lancelot?"

* * *

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